Newly aware & need help
Wow what an emotional time this has been for me. Shoutout to groups like this existing because it’s already helped me understand a lot more about what’s been going on.
So I grew up in a hoarding house. There were other types of abuse going on which I understand is fairly common because usually you have to be unwell be a hoarder. I am 26 years old and I’m just now able to really understand/articulate this.
How I live now is much better than how I grew up, however, it’s been brought to my attention by my fiancé that I have hoarding tendencies and behaviors. Being “better” doesn’t mean it’s normal, healthy, or acceptable.
I’ve been looking into this (and doing a lot of crying) because the pieces are finally coming together, connecting the baggage, trauma, and shame. I can’t believe that I grew up in such a terrible environment, and still fell into something similar. I’m extremely ashamed and honestly, I’m in complete disarray. I can hardly think straight or function at work because everything’s clicking and I am so overcome with emotion. the clinging to things and clutter has impacted every area of my life and somehow I was blind to it for so long.
The biggest buildups right now are happening around my dishes, laundry, and trash/clutter - but I also have a major problem with knickknacks.
I’m much better at throwing actual trash away than I used to be, and there are a lot of other subsets that I’ve actually course corrected pretty well on throughout the last few years, but I’m just now realizing the scope of my problem and how much it’s affecting me and how I function.
Also, my mom is in my life and I’ve come to realize that she’s an enabler/still a hoarder herself. She’s always looking for things to get for me and is constantly bringing me unwanted gifts. Some of them are very thoughtful and special or usable but a lot of them are just junk that neither one of us needs, but we think is cool or might be useful someday. I’ve actually asked her to stop a few times because like I said, I’ve been making progress over the last few years but if you couldn’t guess - she hasn’t stopped.
This has been completely devastating and one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to come to terms with, but I just keep telling myself I can deal with this pain if I get to come out on the other side a better person. I don’t wanna do this to the people I love and I’m afraid to lose everything I’ve been working for and my future to this. If there’s any hard truths you think I need to hear, Please tell me (as gently as possible I’m so sensitive rn 😭) and please come forward with any advice or tips at all especially if you’ve been in this situation.
Thank you all for your time, your compassion, and your group ❤️