r/hoarding

My husband is a hoarder and I think I'm getting to the point where I can't live like this anymore. Not only does he hoard, he also doesn't see mess or clutter. We recently had a baby and I don't know if I want to submit my child to that sort of life. It's shameful, embarrassing and I feel like I'm Sysiphus; constantly trying to get rid of things but the rate at which trash enters my home exceeds the rate at which I can discard it. Not looking for advice but hopefully can find folks that can relate.

It's getting to the point where it's enough that I have thoughts of leaving him.

I made the mistake of throwing 9 x 55 gallon bags of trash away. Long story short…. My wife is a hoarder level 3. It’s bad. Two rooms in the house you can barely open the doors to try and walk in and you have a little standing room at the door and that’s it. You can’t get in the rooms. The whole house is a mess. Pathways everywhere. We have been married 31 years. I have dealt with the hoarding this long. I have had my ups and downs with her over it. I have tried everything I could do and nothing works.

My retirement plan was to sell this house just to get out of the hoard. I did this once before and while her hoard was in storage, life was great. She wanted her stuff and I gave her an ultimatum. She chose her stuff. We separated for 2 years while I remodeled the other house to sell. So, while I wanted to start remodeling this house to sell, I had to wait for my daughter and grandkids to move out. She is as bad as my wife. She left so much trash in the kids bedroom and bathroom. As I was cleaning up I found 10 dirty diapers on the floor under toys and trash. I was mad. I threw it all away. My daughter left it so I assumed she didn’t want it. My wife found out I threw the toys away and is very mad at me. She had a break down over it and now is doing things to “get back” at me. She is going out of town this weekend and never invited me. Anyway, I am at my wits end. I love my wife.

But how do I put up with this. We barely speak now because of it. I am not perfect by any means. She has put up with me for 31 years as well. But as a hoarder who will never change, I feel like my only hope is to get a divorce. I begged her to get help a few months ago and gave her the therapist phone number that is close by who specializes in hoarding. She won’t call. She doesn’t see what the problem is nor thinks she has one. Sorry for the long rant. Just had to get this off my chest. It’s eating me up. I had a heart attack years ago and I feel the stress of this house is going to be the death of me.

I was hospitalized for 2 weeks and my mom cleaned my house without my permission or knowledge. I have shoes with no pairs, she took my clothing from my closet that was clean to her house wash and threw away a handmade wallet. She removed some jewelry from my drawer and threw away an aquarium canister filter worth 350. When I ask her where my stuff is she says she hasn't a clue. Should I go to her house and look for my belongings.

I always kind of joked that I have a food hoarding issue and I also have a fair bit of clutter. But after I went to the shops for the fourth time in a week to buy food and continue to stuff it into my overcrowded fridge and pantry, it dawned on me that the joke may be more real than I thought.

I tend to buy stuff on special because it’s a good bargain when it half price. Sometimes I don’t realise I’ve already bought the product. Veggies will go rotten in the fridge because I’ve bought too much and can’t eat it all in a reasonable time. My freezer/s. (I have more than one freezer space) is packed full of food.

I have to check myself and not buy anything too sweet like biscuits or I will binge eat the lot in a night.

I have kept stuff slightly out of date but thank goodness I am learning to bin things. However, I feel bad for doing so as some stuff I’ve never opened.

I have obesity and had a gastric sleeve due to habitual overeating.

I have had psychologist appointments in the past for eating. But I’m starting to think food hoarding is something else I need to address. Mainly because I’m spending so much money on food and groceries in general.

I believe some stems from trauma growing up. I had a mentally unwell mother and my father was a hoarder as well. In fact they may have also hoarded food.

Just trying to wrap my head around it. Is this something that sounds like a possibility?

So my toddler sings a little song when packing away toys - a habit learned from preschool.

Thanks to my AuDHD, part of it has become a vocal stim for me when trying to work through a hoarded area. Since it makes me think of my child being cute, and also motivates me to break the generational hoarding cycle, it's become a helpful thing embedded in my brain.

Thought I'd share this accidental cute win. <3