r/hoarding

Hi everyone, I can’t believe I’m even making this post. As the title says, I really need some advice.

At the end of last year, I got out of an abusive relationship that left me traumatized and extremely depressed. I used to be such a clean person (would clean daily, make lists, stay organized etc) and ever since then my life has been in shambles. I finally started counseling last month but I’m still left with the mess in my living space.

I live with roommates and they don’t know the state of my room because I always keep my door closed. They’re very clean people. I’d be mortified if they saw how everything is piled up and that there’s just a small pathway to my bed.

Since I live with roommates, most of everything I own is kept in my bedroom. I don’t really have trash (no dishes, food, wrappers etc) it’s mainly a TON of piled up clean clothes (the majority of the piles), shoes, bags, jackets, beauty products/hygiene products, books, vinyl records/cds, a few things from my childhood/family photo albums, some craft stuff and other random things. I also have a small closet that’s full of a ton of piled clothes as well. I want to donate some of them since I clearly don’t have the space, it’s just hard to sort through everything and part with my stuff.

There are 2 bedrooms upstairs (1 is mine) a small bathroom, and a very narrow hallway that’s like 3-4ft long. I know some techniques are to take baskets and move things out of the room temporarily so you have more space to clean, but I’m not able to do that because of limited home space + living with roommates.

I’ve tried reading some advice left in this subreddit, and also tried watching Dana K White’s advice on YouTube when it comes to hoarding. But every time I try, I am left paralyzed and can never get started.

I stare at my piles and feel like I want to cry. I just don’t know where to start when it comes to my space.

Any advice would be dearly appreciated. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Prior post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/s/RMYqQ5Jc1d

TLDR: my husband’s ADHD & stuff devolved into hoarding. I can’t touch the floor hoarding. And my child asked if we can move into a separate space.

Update: we have the last bit of the accessory dwelling unit arriving tomorrow, assembly Friday & maybe Saturday, with hopefully moving stuff over the weekend.

I feel so relieved I will get to sleep somewhere I know I will be able to step onto the floor this weekend without risking tripping.

Husband swears he’s going to clean in here. We’ll see.

I had 8 boxes of clothes and random things. It’s down to 6 now. I wanted to get it down to 4 but there’s things I wanted. I also got overwhelmed and wanted to take a break. At best, I could get it down to 5 boxes. I stuffed things in a closet because I got overwhelmed. I’ll deal with it next week. I want to donate a bunch of books and some clothes and shoes. I’ll donate them next week. I also need to throw out some old worn out shoes. I wish I could afford to move out. I wish I didn’t share a room. It can be hard to manage what I have in a small area. I’m exhausted. It feels like it never ends.

I would like to get some advice on the follow, to understand whether I’m really difficult about this whole situation.

My in laws (70s) are unfortunately hoarders. I did not grew up in such a way, so maybe that’s why I struggle to understand the whole concept. For a bit of a content, they have three houses filled in with absolutely insane items. For example, they have 10 irons (just because they were cheap of free), they have expired food that they moved across between two continents and they are proud to announce they eat expired pesto from 8+ years and things like this.

For example, if they see someone left something behind and nobody is around they will take it, no matter if it’s even a road sign or the most useless thing and they will store the road sign in the room or garden. If they notice some family forgot their swimming muscles on the beach, they will take these as well despite the fact they do not need it. The house is not the cleanest, they don't like to shower or use soaps in the middle of the summer, so they do have a bad outdoor. We went travelling to a summer destination and my father in law was wearing the same short for two to three days that was covered in sweat on 35+ degrees heat. I kept nodding my husband to ask them to wash their clothes which was a difficult convo. Anyways, when they are in their own home, they barely ever wash their clothes, they keep re wearing the same clothes, but rarely ever washing them.

The fridge often has mouldy food and they will get mad if we try and dispose the food. If i buy my own drink, the father in law will drink straight from my bottle. They are aware that I dislike that and I have slight OCD, but I feel like he is doing is out of spite, idk maybe I'm wrong.
In the house, there is one table with a bench inside only, and half of the table is filled in with junk. So if it rain out and we are stuck inside, we have to spend all day at this table. When the weather is sunny, we are outside all day sitting out on the chairs and benches.

Me and my husband have our first baby in a several months on the way and I said, I will be happy to visit them next year, but we need to rent our own place so I can prepare baby’s food and ensure baby is not exposed to old food etc. I’m aware that my husband would never endanger me or the baby, and when we do go there, we do eat fresh caught fish and store bought things etc - the hoarding is also manifested in that regard - always buying new food from the markets and so on, looking for deals all the time closer to the expiry date (which also annoys me for example the yogurt that will expire in a few days). My biggest concern is the baby, I want to be the one who feeds the baby. I just wouldn’t trust my In laws enough that they wont for example take the milk for my baby and drink out of the bottle and things like this. And for my own sanity, because I dont want to spend two weeks from morning to evening, I want to be able to walk in my underwear for example and bits like this. I have seen them in our house eating out of a jar peanut butter with a spoon and i just don't like transferring germs, or kissing bottle if they know we all use the milk.
If we buy our own food just for us, there is no space to store it in the two fridges as they are filled in to the top ie overflowing with food.

Husband is saying he can’t change his parents, they wont accept anyone coming into the house and doing any cleaning. Because they do not need all of those things.

So my question to my husband was if they don't want to change (fine by me) why do I have to change my OCD and having to adjust to their way of living? They are three brothers in their 40ties and 30ties and they are all scared to approach them to speak with them or find a solution. According to my husband, I do not understand and I have to accept this is how they are now. But he is not getting it that I do not want to take baby around to eat food in their house unless, I specifically prepare it. He says they have gotten worse with the hoarding over the years since the kids all moved out, and when he attempts to clean things up it works for a short while but then goes back to the routine. It doesn't help that the summer home is part of a larger family dispute etc so its tougher to manage/renovate (Europeans will understand this).

We luckily have a lot of vacation time (8weeks), and we live on another continent and we are lucky enough to see other parts of the world. He is very proud of where he is from etc, and doesn’t want to forget about culture and things like that as we pass them onto our kids. I am not too connected to where I am from, nor am I so close with family, so I’m not as influenced by that aspect, BUT I’m willing to compromise to go back to his part of the world, but stay in rented accommodation as opposed to instead of spending two to three weeks with his parents in their house.

Am I being harsh in not wanting to spend two to three weeks in his parents house that he has such connection to, or are my views justified. It is in a beautiful place in the world, on the seaside, and people dream of places like that for kids as well, but unfortunately it is the ways I described. My husband is well aware of everything - he is not delusional, and he is trying to balance things which I understand. Am I in the right or the wrong?

This is soley based on my own personal experience. My opinions are my opinions. It's very aggressive but it was my only solution left to fix it.

1. Don't think that the problem is just going to solve itself. If you don't understand this, you will never get to the next stage.

2. You have to be able to take things to the fight or flight crisis moments with the hoarder. Yes, he or she will go crazy. Throw tantrums, yell, etc. It is what it is.

3. Make a plan. Set time frames. Warn the hoarder that there is a time period when the project will start.

4. Hire help plus call around local dumping bin companies to arrange the best prices on dumpsters. Hire day laborers.

5. Set it into action. Organize the funds.

6. Go into I don't give a fuck mode on the day. You have to take it to that level. Be strong. Direct the help with starting at one pile. Just throw it all away. I mean everything.

7. Lock up the bins with locks. Call the dumpster company and keep repeating the process until it's all gone.

It's this simple fellas. You can do it. But beware. You have to do it again later. It will never end. Lol.

Edit: I have adhd and OCD. So while I understand many people read this as "hey that sounds like a fun quirky ADHD thing" that was not the intention for this post.

I'm going to be replying based on my actual post in the hoarding thread asking about sudden shifts in ELDERLY parents with addictions while their bodies are actively declining due to substance abuse. The reason I posted it to this sub was because it pertains to HOARDING behaviour, not simply ADHD- as noted, there is no ADHD diagnosis.

---

So I do understand My parent is also an alcoholic, has always been nasty and mean as a way to keep people at a distance so people can't see his perceived flaws- one of which is hoarding/sucking at housekeeping

Now, do I think it's a classic case of hoarding for the sake of hoarding? Not entirely. I think it's a mixture of overwhelm, thinking hes too old (or too good) for a ADHD diagnosis, and anticipatory guilt that he may need something the minute he tosses it. So okay yea maybe a bit textbook 😉 when i was a kid, my mom actually came over to be his maid and earn some extra $ and keep an eye on his custody time with me when she noticed things got particularly worse for him. He loved a good party even if his kid had school in the morning.

Well, he's been in a decent mood lately so we (kid and husband and myself) went over to visit/bbq and sit outside in his yard, and i looked in the house and noticed HE HAD CLEANED. Spotless floors, most of his work tools were put away, and it wasn't even just a zone- most of the main part of the house. I commented that it looked great bc i know he does care, but as I do with my kid, i tried not to make it a big deal so he didn't feel embarrassed.

He is aging, in his late 70s... Alcoholism isn't going away anytime soon... Do i worry? Is this common? Do we think maybe he hit a hyperfixation on cleaning and it was a positive coincidence? Or is he about to sell the house and vanish into thin air?

I have no PoA, only kid, and hes intentionally kept me out of the loop financially due to paranoia (because he knows he's irresponsible and walking a thin line), so honestly I'm just waiting for an "in" or a red flag so i can reluctantly start parenting a forever 18 year old

My aunt and cousin live in a very desirable location and have a big single house. My Aunt began hoarding about 20 yrs ago and the whole house just had a path u could walk thru with boxes stacked high to the ceilings everywhere. My cousin is intellectually disabled and isn’t receiving any outside care or home health care aides they adamantly reject and refuse any help, they say no to it all.

My aunt has been in the hospital off and on for a few years always leaving my cousin (she’s in her 50s now) home alone. My cousin wants to stay home and keep herself busy, she doesn’t want to go to any day programs or anything like that, she doesn’t want any aides to come help her with anything. She can heat up food in the microwave but that’s the extent of her cooking skills and I worry because she’s not eating a healthy diet at all. She has a brother who lives 3 hours away and he does what he can such as send food and makes sure bills are being paid, but they have pushed him away and caused a lot of pain.

The problem is that adult protective services has been out to the house a few times and they said as long as a path is clear to the exits they are saying they can live as they choose even though it’s not what most people would want…it’s their lives. The problem is now I don’t know when or if my aunt will come home from the hospital she’s been in there 7 months and my cousin is refusing to let me even take out her trash. She has 7 months of trash in black bags but in her dining room.

My cousin calls me for emotional support constantly , which is overwhelming, and she even calls the police when she gets scared and they come out to her and they are aware of the situation. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what to do with this whole situation and who can help?

I’ve started writing this a couple times already but it always feels like I’m being mean. I’ve had my own struggles during childhood to late teens with keeping things clean because I was very depressed and didn’t want to stay on this earth so not living in filth wasn’t my priority. I did work through it and my hoarding tendencies but nothing I ever did was bad enough to not get it back to a manageable level within a few hours by myself. I’ve lived with a friend who was a hoarder but the kind who didn’t want to work on the issue and as soon as I could, I left the situation and promised not to get myself involved in other people’s problems anymore.

Then I met my boyfriend and everything was great until I eventually visited him for the first time. Part of me wishes I just turned around and blocked him. Don’t get me wrong, I love him but his hoarding issue is dragging me down with him and I’m not sure where to go from here.

His problem was a lot more severe than anything I’ve seen before. We’re talking years of hoard, a lot of which was trash bags. Entire rooms were blocked and most of the apartment was inaccessible including the kitchen so no fridge or anything like that. The bathroom was functional but filthy like everything else. Flies everywhere, bugs and it was cold because I guess that way it doesn’t stink as much. I didn’t know how to react because at that point I already cared about him and I also know from my experience that it is a tough situation and it does feel vulnerable and embarrassing to let someone see that. He later told me that it used to be a lot worse and he became very good at pushing it aside. It took a while to figure out how to talk to him about it and make sure he understands I am there for him but it isn’t an acceptable way to live, especially if he expects me to stay with him. With time I became bolder with my words and pushed him more because the super soft approach (aka just letting him do whatever whenever while I did small things to show him how even that can have a great impact) didn’t work. There was a lot of fear that I’d leave and at first I obviously felt bad but now it just annoys me like duh I’m gonna leave eventually? I told myself 6 months and if the place isn’t liveable by then, I break up with him.

It has been almost a year and while things have improved quite a bit, it isn’t nearly the progress I need. Some days I genuinely get intrusive thoughts about just offing myself so I don’t have to be in that apartment, it genuinely feels like self harm. He as a person is very sweet and I do understand he works full time and that set backs are part of the journey but god damn it I really don’t care. I always try so hard to be helpful but still let him work through his issues because as I said to him I’m not his mother I will tell him things like put your laundry in the basket and if you don’t do it, you don’t get clean clothes. I feel bad for having rather aggressive thoughts and feeling the need to scream at him. I don’t because what’s the point other than making him feel bad.

I have moved in with him and all rooms are accessible, trash bags are gone but there is still a lot to be done. I don’t like the apartment (not just because of the filth) but I have said very honestly to him that I refuse to sign a lease with him on a new place if he hasn’t proven that he can get his shit together. I just don’t know if I even want to go on. I’m not there at the moment, I was staying with family for a few weeks to help them out but I’m going back soon and I feel a sense of dread at the thought. I feel like if he once again lets me come back to a messy place (as in the areas that are back to normal) I might just instantly break up with him. It has happened before where I left for a few days or weeks, I get back and there it is new mess, fresh mould and flies that we already got rid of. It makes me even more upset because I know he can clean it and he will apologise and it doesn’t take him long at all. He just says something like “I was tired from work” because he knows I will empathise but come on dude you knew I’d come back and you let it pile on. It does also happen when I’m there but not as bad, mostly because I do tell him like a child “do this now” and he will agree that I’m right and he does it.

But it pisses me off. And when I’m pissed off he acts all sad and hurt which makes me more angry. I will calm myself down and try to talk to him about it but while it does improve, it just drains me so much. I tell him how much he affects me and he says he’ll do better but it only lasts for a couple days. I feel bad though because it has improved. I don’t even know what I’m expecting from this. Maybe some input from someone who understands and doesn’t just call me or my bf stupid. Thanks in advance

Im (F22) a child of a hoarder, though i suspect some of my siblings too (im one of five). I dont really know where to start on this. Its been an older sibling effort for years to clear our living spaces and keep them clear. This got harder when we went from a two story (4bd, 2 and a half bath). To an apt (3bd, 2bath). Due to many things we as siblings are still trying to figure out all us adult children still live at home. We have one minor sibling. Who doesn't live at home right now due to his struggles with his mental health.

The goal is to clear the apt so that when our youngest sibling comes back home, we will not have to worry about the environment hurting him at the same time as worrying about him hurting himself. Or the hoarding deteriorating any progress he made in his stability.

As im the middle child of the family i only have about half the information i think i need to find help by myself. We're a low income family so we cant afford paying $750 a day for help - at least that was the number i was told. Or the organizations dont work with renters, only homeowners.

Do you have an recommendations? Tips? Maybe even things to look out for?

my Nana was a hoarder & unfortunately she passed away on New Year’s Day. she lived in her home for over 50+ years, so you can imagine what a task cleaning out her house was like. 3 bedroom, 1 bath, 1 back house & 1 shed all packed in - every square inch! after months & thoooousands of dollars of trash hauled away .. i am finally done! there is light at the end of the tunnel!

my Nana was a hoarder & unfortunately she passed away on New Year’s Day. she lived in her home for over 50+ years, so you can imagine what a task cleaning out her house was like. 3 bedroom, 1 bath, 1 back house & 1 shed all packed in - every square inch! after months & thoooousands of dollars of trash hauled away .. i am finally done! there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I have a friend that says her husband is a hoarder, a trait he must have learned growing up. I didn't believe her until I went to her house for the first time several years ago for our kids to have a play date.

There is junk piled throughout the home, floors and almost every surface and into the garage. They live frugally so most things are donated to them, they get for extremely cheap/free either through his work or other means. At first I was sympathetic to her complaints and tried to give advice where I could. For a while now, I've mentioned that I would love to help her clean up a bit around the house. She works part time, is going to school to become a teacher and has two kids my children's age. Her husband is gone a lot either at work, with friends or out volunteering. Of course she's overwhelmed and finally asked me to help clean up her loft. She made it very clear that we can't touch anything of her husbands otherwise it would turn into a fight, which I understood. So we made a donate pile, a sell pile and a trash pile. As we went through most of her girls things, I made sure to pull her daughters aside occasionally and ask what they were willing to part with, which was quite a bit. At the end of our busy afternoon with maybe not quite half of the room organized, I let her know I was going to take things to the car. she immediately went through all the bags. the things that I knew wouldn't sell (I used to work for a kids toy/clothing consignment shop) and put into a donation bag, she pulled mostly out saying, "the girls will miss it". Before I had left we had basically done nothing more than shift things around the room.

Now I'm starting to think either she's enabled her husband to the point that she's taken on these tendencies too or she's also secretly a hoarder. I feel bad for her and her girls as I couldn't function as a housewife, let alone live that way day in and day out. I told my husband about the events and he said I should no longer offer to help. Should I be honest with her in some way? I can't be in her house without my anxiety flaring because it's just so overwhelming and I want to either clean or say things I wouldn't be able to take back. I appreciate her as a friend but it's almost too much for me.

my brother is moving tomorrow. He bought a house. I went today to look at his apartment and he is a garbage hoarder. It looks like a homeless camp. I promised him to clean up his apartment. I told him we need to get a housekeeper for him every week for his house. I’m just brokenhearted and in shock with how his apartment looked. I just don’t know if a housekeeper is enough to help him with this. It’s garbage it’s pure garbage bottles burrito, wrappers empty cereal boxes. He’s been there for two years and hasn’t let me in for the past year. I just wasn’t expecting this.

(DISCLAIMER: english isn't my first language so I might phrase things in a weird way)

My friend is probably a hoarder. She doesn't think that she's a hoarder, only that her place is messy and only needs a little help with cleaning.

She can't even enter her bedroom because the door is completely blocked off by her stuff.

Other than that you need to climb over piles of boxes, books and fabric to reach the bathroom. To reach the sink you have to lean over a pile of clothes and the bathtub is blocked off by stuff too.

Scissors are just lying around on the couch where she sleeps and I've found a cup with moldy contents underneath a table before.

She does have people who get paid to try and help her clean her apartment, but she doesn't trust them so she doesn't actually let them do anything.

Now every couple months or even weeks I get a call from her that she can't take it anymore and needs help from friends to clean her apartment because she says we are the only ones she can trust with that.

I've helped her clear out a space in her living room once before and in all the clutter it is very difficult to discern what is and isn't trash and every shred of paper you find might be part of a sewing pattern she still planned on using and she will get angry if it ends up in the trash.

She won't take any trash bags out for long periods of time because the large trash cans outside the house are allegedly always full because of the neighbours.

Or she will hold onto things (plushies, figurines, lego sets) because she wants to sell them but every time she manages to sell one thing she impulse buys two new things.

While cleaning she also gets easily distracted and when she finds something interesting in the clutter she will first want to talk at lengths about it (what it is, where it's from etc.)

So it's extremely stressful trying to get anything done.

When I was there we did still manage to clear out some space but only a couple months later when I went there for her birthday the entire apartment somehow looked worse than before. Recently I got another call from her that she needs help, but I feel anxious about just setting foot in her apartment again.

I don't know what to do anymore. She's had lots of people come help her clear out stuff over the years but new stuff keeps accumulating and the cycle continues.

I don't feel equipped to help her anymore, but at the same time I don't want to abandon her. I'm at a loss. Should I just give up or is there still a reasonable way for me to support her?

Does any one have any book recommendations on letting things go? How to know what can go and what to keep etc

I have been given so much stuff through out my teens and childhood from other family members and I feel guilty about throwing it out but i genuinely need to have a clean room it’s so embarrassing to not be able to have people over and I have tried throwing stuff out but genuinely it seems that it doesn’t look like a difference my friend tried to help but she genuinely treats my room like a trash can even tho I would never be able to leave stuff in her w she embarrasses me and uses my room as insults in arguments and a lot of my family seem to have a hoarding issue but they all live in big houses and I live in a apartment and I have family coming over in June and I need my room clean and plus I need to help my mom with the whole apartment…

I've been noticing the less I care for an area, such as the area isn't mine or an area I'm not in often, the easier it is the clean that specific area.

This condition is awful with the amount of mind games I gotta play. I have been putting items in a room I rarely visit about so I can then go into that area a year later to get rid of items.

Why is this condition so emotions based?! It's awful and hard to manage. I just want a nice room with soft blankets. Cozy and warm. I dont want a room filled with clutter but it keeps fighting me! I understand its trying to protect me, but the floor is fall hazard and I am a fall risk. This isn't safe or cozy.

I'm hoping to make some progress today. I have faith and hope in myself.

Hey all! I (26F) moved out of my moms house when I was 18. All my life my moms house was messy. I would try to clean spaces of the house to make it livable for me. I kept my bedroom livable. Of course as a kid I'd have clothes on the floor, but for the most part my room was clean. Once my mom married my step dad and we moved to a new house, thats when the hoarding really became apparent. The 2 car garage was full of new stuff my step dad bought on sale. Not organized. Just mountains of random things like faucets and fog lights piled from floor to ceiling. Impossible to walk through the garage. You'd need to move things around just to walk through. The inside of the house was pretty bad too. It was mountains of stuff everywhere. I knew the house was hoarded and was too embarrassed to say anything or have any friends over. I just kept my room clean and worked hard to keep some areas of the house livable - the bathroom, kitchen, hallways.

When I turned 18 I moved out of the house. At this point I should mention I have younger siblings (12F, 8M, 4M). My sister got my room when I left the house and my 2 brothers shared 1 room. I was at college and never visited home. If I did come home, I'd stay at my grandmas house not my moms house, so I never really saw how bad the house was. Jumping forward a few years, I stopped by the house to see my younger brothers. When I opened the door, I was in shock and immediately had the worst panic attack of my life. There was mountains of stuff from floor to ceiling, tiny paths you could barely walk through, groceries rotting in bags on the kitchen floor, you couldn't see any of the furniture - including a dining room table set and couches. They placed a SQUIRREL TRAP to catch something in the house. Yes you read that right, A SQUIRREL TRAP. They had stuff covering the sink and the stove. I needed to leave right away because my anxiety made me feel like I was having a heart attack from just being in the house. A few days passed and I talked to my mom about this situation. I told her I'm scared for their safety, if there was a fire it would be devastating because the exits are blocked. She kept saying how she was a bad mother and guilt tripping me about leaving for college - how she couldn't maintain the house. Unfortunately that conversation never really stuck with her. I've been thinking about that house often and the emotional damage its done to me. I know the house is worse now and I keep thinking about what its doing to my siblings. Of course I still feel like I can't tell anyone about this because I'm embarrassed.

Jumping ahead to this Easter (2026). I'm 26, only my 2 younger brothers are still in that house (16 and 12). A few days before Easter my mom invited me to come over for Easter. In my mind I thought this meant the house was clean. We'd have a meal at the dinning room table and it would be a normal Easter. Boy was I wrong. Pulling up to the house you can tell something is off. Theres old appliances and laundry baskets sitting outside. I walked in the house and it was still hoarded. All that had been done was stuff was pushed to the side to set up a folding table. We awkwardly stood around a folding table. There was mountains of stuff around us we were all scared to bump because it'd all come crashing down. I'm in therapy now to help me with my anxiety but that day was a huge challenge for me. I keep thinking about my 2 brothers who still live in that house. They have no friends. They have mental health things but aren't getting help. Its been over a month now since Easter and I've thought about it every day. Do I finally report them? I want my brothers to not go through the emotional/mental trauma I did. If I report them, would my mom know it was me or is there a way to stay anonymous? Would it help the situation or make it worse?

I'm at such a loss of what to do. I have no idea who to contact in this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Background: I am a single mom with a 9.5 m/o baby. I live in a separate state from my friends & family (& really basically everyone I know). I have been through significant trauma throughout my lifetime & unfortunately this is how it presents for me. It has been going on for years. Probably since fall of 2020.
No matter how hard I’ve tried & wanted to, I’ve never been able to get ahold of this problem. It was awful when it impacted just me but knowing my baby is in this environment too kills me. It does solidify the fact that it is a deep mental health disorder that is incredibly difficult to overcome because there is nothing I want more in the world than to provide a safe, happy, & healthy environment for my kid. & even still, I couldn’t push through.

Update: After about the quadrillionth time trying to conquer the hoard & just being paralyzed by it and accomplishing nothing, I accepted “defeat”. Defeat to me really just means I finally accepted that I am not capable of tackling this on my own & I desperately need help. So I made the move. I submitted an inquiry to Steri-clean and one of them came by today to do the walk through and assess the situation. It was so incredibly hard to do but my daughter’s health, happiness, & safety are more important than my shame about the hoard. One step closer.

Aftermath: How i’m feeling after the visit. I definitely cried after & felt really heavy once he left. Like many of us, I am deeply ashamed of this issue. Being vulnerable and letting a stranger in to show them around my house of chaos & filth, was necessary but so very hard. One of the ‘good’ decisions I made was to not request sorting. I gave full permission to get. rid. of. everything. (essentials spared only). I am having some anxiety about the stuff that will be thrown out. Especially because I was starting over from nothing at this place so a lot of the clutter is quite literally brand new stuff. I also am at peace that things don’t really matter. It is a little bit of a weird feeling but it’s for the best.

The only way out is through. I’m facing it.

I've read a few hoarder dating stories on here and every response has been 'Don't date this person, run'. I wonder if my situation is different ?

I've started dating a girl - she's beautiful, fun and we have similar life plans (marriage, kids ect)

However, she's a self admitted hoarder. Her personal hygiene is good - but her room is filled with stuff. Her couch is completely covered with items, mostly clothes and luggage. When I first entered her room, there was space to sit down. Now there's not. There's lots of stuff on the floor, so that I have to balance myself when I walk around. Her bedside counter is covered with dirty cups and plates.

Even though I know now it wasn't the correct thing to say, I told her 'If we live together, I will not live with all this clutter'. She agreed with me and said she hoard in a shared space.

Because she recognises the problem, is there hope for a positive change ? I was raised by an OCD clean freak and this is how I'd rather live.