Not sure where to go from here
Hi there. I'm a single mom of an 18 year old young man who is a hoarder. We live together in a two bedroom apartment. His room is so full now he cannot sleep in it and he sleeps on the sofa. This is a problem because that is also where I work so I have to wake him every day and try and get him to move out of my work space so I can start my day. His belongings have taken over pretty much every surface in the living room, dining room and kitchen also, every closet and cupboard. I can't entertain like this and it's very stressful and overwhelming for me visually. As a neurodivergent person I find this extremely over stimulating and I'm losing my mind.
He has always struggled with hoarding since he was young but unfortunately because of the many traumas he has gone through it has been deprioritized by therapists for appropriate reasons or the extent has been not believed (passed off as "mom upset about messy bedroom")
He went through six months of day treatment for mental health issues but declined treatment around hoarding issues. I offered support from a therapist who specializes in hoarding and he declined treatment. I have offered to bring in an organizer or have our former regular housekeeper help him address his bedroom but he has declined assistance. He says he needs to do it himself. At the same time, he's not doing so. We completed an OCD and a DBT program as a family in hopes it would help but it has not moved the needle.
Whenever cleaning his room gets brought up with any level of urgency he gets very volatile, he yells like he is being murdered, punches walls, calls names, self harms or threatens to self harm if approached further which is really concerning (but not seriously enough for hospitals or law enforcement to get involved). I'm really concerned about this jeopardizing our housing with noise complaints and this is very upsetting to be on the receiving end of. At the same time, it's not feasible to continue to live in an apartment where I'm not able to have anyone over, where common spaces are not able to be used for their intended purposes, where it's becoming difficult to cook, where it's hard to know when I can start my work day and where I'm subjected to verbal abuse. I also can't look for cheaper accommodations because moving this is a non starter. He sleeps here and is gone for pretty much all waking hours so he is completely unbothered by the state of affairs.
I don't know what to do to get this moving when efforts to do so are met with such hostility. I can't live like this anymore either. It's not healthy for anyone.