I think me & my partner are hoarders
I know it’s against the rules to ask if we are hoarders as you guys certainly can’t diagnose us, but I promise I’m not asking! I’m just writing down my thought process to make sense of it.
I was always the kid with a perfect room, my mum would go crazy at me if I left a chocolate wrapper on the ground. I was VERY tidy. Then life happened, and a lot of the trauma I experienced, my mum doesn’t know to this day (I’m in my mid 20s). I think she assumed I just became a messy teenager. Although, looking back, it was definitely more than that, but it was contained to my own room so it didn’t impact anyone else. Until very recently, I explained it as “I was depressed. I had depression room” etc.
Anyway, cut to now, where I live with my partner in our own house. There’s a lot in between of different places I’ve lived and I’ll answer any questions if people have them, idk if this will reach anyone though since it’s my first post. Before we met, I knew my partner had about 4 years of severe depression. In that time, his house (now ours) got incredibly messy, beyond what we could just set aside a day to clean. Honestly, I think there was a sense of “oh thank god, someone we don’t have to hide our messiness from!”. Just for reference, his mental health is much better now and he’s been off antidepressants for nearly two years - he’s doing great and I’m very proud of him. We ended up living together very quickly after getting together, there were alot of factors going into that but I don’t regret it at all. What it did mean was that our combined habits made for a house which now feels like it’s falling apart, and neither of us have any clue where to start or what to do.
We aren’t at the point where anything is unsalvageable or unsafe (beyond tripping hazards I guess). Some rooms are worse than others, the front door opens into the living room which is cluttered but not outright embarrassing if people see it. The kitchen is a wreck but mainly because of broken things and clothes left around the washer & dryer. It’s upstairs that’s the main problem. But it’s intense, and it’s where we spend a vast majority of our time (the only room with a TV, the sofas are covered in clutter & our bed in the only thing we can sit on really). I think if we were to get professional help we’d be able to stay on top of it. Maybe that’s optimistic because we have cleaned before and it got worse, but it was FAR from a hard reset, we just managed to clear a route from our bed to the bathroom to the stairs.
We want to eventually move but that means house viewings and evaluations. I’m feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. I don’t even know what I want people to reply with. I’m just coming to terms with the fact we aren’t problematically messy. It’s deeper. It’s more to process than I thought.