Helping a friend with her home
My friend has a long history of severe hoarding. I’ve tried cleaning out her car, her porch, organized her garage, and done sweeps through her house to collect newspapers, old magazines, and general trash. She has a house she cannot live in, built a garage apartment as a place to live while she cleaned the house, then the apartment ended up in the same condition. She also has a rental house where the garage is full as well.
On top of the things simply dropped and forgotten in the floor, she has both valuable collections and bins of sentimental items that her siblings gave her after her mother died.
She’s been in therapy all of her adult life. Her therapist is well aware of the problem and they’ve discussed the problem for years. She should retire, but she and her therapist agree that she needs a place to go, because otherwise, she wouldn’t leave the house. She is overcome with depression, anxiety and shame.
She has chronic mobility issues, so she cannot kneel to clean her tub or stand for long. I live overseas, so I can’t be there very often to be a real help.
Most people who want to be helpful just want to park a dumpster in front of her house, but there are precious things she’s scared would thoughtlessly tossed.
Luckily, she’s agreed to let me help her this fall when I visit. I’m going to have her stay in my Airbnb while we work. I can’t do anything in her absence, because she’s both embarrassed and needs to supervise. I’m the only person she trusts to enter her space.
I know that if I show up with masks, she‘ll be mortified. I also need to figure out cat and eco-friendly cleaning supplies. Her tub hasn’t been scrubbed in three years. I don’t like using chemical cleaning products. Ironically, she’s very sensitive to artificial scents.
Any advice on how to make real progress with natural cleaning products will be greatly appreciated.
I know full well that after her place is clean, the process will begin again. I’ve had it shining and clean before, but she’s so used to living this way, she‘ll just walk in with muddy shoes (for instance) and not think about it. I just want to give her another fresh start.
Thanks for listening and I’d so appreciate any advice on how to do the heavy cleaning and what I might do to make it easier for her to keep it comfortable.