u/thenorthernpines

I moved to a new town, and I was having a hard time finding a room to rent and had a limited budget. Found a lady who was renting a room and didn’t have a lot of other options.

While there is pathways through the apartment - it’s pretty bad. No counter top or surface has any clear space making it almost impossible to cook in the kitchen or prep any food, there’s no room in the bathroom to put a makeup bag or anything on the counter. Kitchen table and desk, other surfaces piled high. Floor, couch covered in items and no room to sit on couch. Walking past her room one day with the door open, I realized you can’t see the floor and the bed is piled with stuff to the point she only sleeps in one spot.

My mom thinks I should try to help her clean and organize. But I don’t have the energy for that - I’m recovering from a failed engagement where I was cheated on right before the wedding - amongst other things.

My friend thinks I should have a candid conversation with her and tell her it gets cleaned up or I move out. But will that actually do anything? I’m doubtful. If she wanted to she would type thing, and I shouldn’t have to have a conversation with her about picking up.

Also - we have gone out to Costco and bookstores together on occasion, and she wants to buy everything. Giant stuffed animals for the couch (she’s already got 20), more craft supplies or journals or stationary, more clothes…..

She blames ADHD and rampant disorganization and says she should just buy a bigger house and claims then it will get better because she has more space. She also wants me to move with her.

Moving somewhere else would be financially rough. But I’m not sure talking to her will actually change anything - and I’m not sure it’s my job. I’ve never dealt with a hoarder before.

Apart from if I really want to help her or not - how effective is talking to a hoarder or helping them organize actually realistic?

It’s been 6 months since the discard, he cheated and left me for a mutual friend a few months before our wedding. We were together 3 years. Had a house, animals and he had three kids who I was very close with. He was also hiding cocaine use from me, and in the end was drinking heavy.

Anyhow - something that give me the real ick now is how - I was girlfriend #3 in the 3 years after his divorce from his ex-wife of 13 years, and he used to tell people I was a “nice girl” and not like the other “mean, crazy ones who treated him badly.” As time went on - he would say it less and less and then it stopped altogether - and then he would start accusing me of being mentally unstable and not willing to get help and saying I was mean to him all the time.

I feel like I missed a giant 🚩

Bouncing off another post from yesterday - I’m also putting out an ad! 😂

I was born here in PG but moved away when I was small and just moved back about 4 weeks ago after 27 years up north.

I’m 32 - female and no other half anymore - looking for friends - whether single or couple (no it’s not code for anything).

I have a PS5 and a starting to game again - so if you’re looking for friends that way - I would love more online gaming friends.

Also into outdoors things, checking out good food and I’m pretty well open to any activity or group and looking to explore more hobbies.

Would love to have a great friend group here. Let me know if you’re interested!

I have a couple family members coming to stay with me for an extended period of time who are a combination of vegetarian and vegan - what’s your fave Costco items that fall in that category?

I’m 32, female - my LTR blew up about 6 months ago and now things are finally settled down. I need to start thinking about the future. I’ll list my budget below - few misc things to note.

- no emergency savings of any kind (it all went to ❄️ by my former partner)
- $9k in RRSP
- no debt besides car payment. I’ve already explored avenues to get out of my car payment but due to the amount of negative equity - there is no getting out of it other than paying it off - he is also a owner and so far I’ve not had luck with getting him off for now.
- credit score is 740.

Our household income was $200k a year - now as just me - it’s $63k a year after I left a higher paying job to get away from him.

Job: I work for BC Crown. I have high school education. I do clerical/administrative work.

Retirement: my employer has a DB pension, indexed for inflation which I am enrolled in.

Budget: Monthly Take Home: $3150 ($1575 Bi-Weekly)

Rent: $630
Cellphone: $50
Car Payment: $890
Insurance: $216
Gas: $160
Groceries: $400
Medication: $95

Leaving $689 left over for all the other things - savings, clothing, car maintenance and all other needs.

Now that I can look to the future, what now? Probably never partnering up again - so how do I set myself up for success for the future and retirement?

I’m 34f. I went through a catastrophic breakup a few years ago - I was with someone for 3 years and we lived together and I had 3 step kids. He cheated and left for a coworker/friend with a OF page right before our wedding. I lost everything. But found out after he was hiding a major coke problem. It took me a long time to move on from the nuclear bomb.

In the process - I lost 200lbs. I went from 400lbs to 200lbs. I’m 5’5. Now I’m slowly starting to date again and had a couple guys interested - but as soon as they find out I used to be 400lbs and lost 200lbs I get ghosted. I’m realizing now maybe I’ve completely screwed myself over and maybe no one will take me serious because of it - or they are afraid I could gain all the weight back again.

I’m not sure if I continue to try to date at this point, or accept unfortunately some previous mistakes are difficult for potential partners to look past.

Edit: So I haven’t shared the bit about my ex to any dates. But what usually happens is we go on a couple dates, we get talking about hobbies like hiking or camping or playing softball - the hobbies I like but haven’t been doing long because my weight prevented it. It eventually comes up in conversation. I’ll say I lost 200lbs and just how much happier I am as a person. But it’s almost like once they do the math and realize how big I was - plans we had get cancelled or I get ghosted. It’s happened 3 times now with guys I’ve been seeing for about 4-6 weeks each. Nobody has seen me naked and I don’t mention this either, but I have probably 20lbs of loose skin on my body and most features such as boobs or butt are no longer defined once I take my clothes off - but I haven’t even gotten that far with someone.

My ex-fiancé blames me for why he slept with his friend/coworker that he knew for 13 years and left me for her just a couple months before the wedding.

We were together for 3 years. Wedding was supposed to be this July. First year was good. Second year he started drinking more and more and helping me around the house and with the life tasks less and less. Sleeping a lot. Missing work. No sex - completely dead bedroom. My mental health started to suffer. I gained 140lbs and was constantly an anxious wreck. Then he convinced me to move out of our nice house into a 70s trailer with a lot of issues and a leaking roof, which ultimately made me sick - doctor thought mold issues. Then his best friend died. His kids would come over for visits and he would just sleep all day and not hang out with them. I was burnt out, sick and we were fighting a lot. And I work full time on top of trying to keep everything together.

He slept with our friend (also his coworker). He’s been telling people I was mentally and emotionally abusive to him. I was angry all the time. Nothing he ever did was enough. Said he was never attracted to me but he was only with me because I was “nice”. Telling people that he has no regrets in cheating because it was what he needed to leave me, because he was so done with me. He says I didn’t try to work on the relationship and I didn’t try hard enough.

I know my weight spiralled and I just could not get a handle on it. I was too burnt out. But I loved him.

I found out after the breakup he has been hiding a coke problem. I don’t know anything about coke, but I’ve been told he’s doing about an 8 ball every week. He takes no responsibility in what happened and says cheating and being with her made him realize how bad I was. I also found out he had a porn problem and was sexting a lot of girls after I would go to bed.

What’s worse is his friends and coworkers agree with him and support them and say how terrible I was. But weird no one ever thought I was terrible until the end.

It’s been 5 months. I’ve lost 70lbs. I no longer take anxiety meds. I just got a really good government job with a really good pension. I’m 32.

I should feel better, but the words just keep echoing. I pushed him to his brink and he’s much happier without me because I was so bad to him.

I have 2 Mastercards and a Visa.

CIBC Costco Mastercard - $5000 limit - account is 18 months old.

Capital 1 Mastercard - $5000 limit - account is 4 years old.

TD Visa - $1000 limit - account is a year old.

I also have a Scotiabank car loan and the account age is 2 years.

I want to close one of the Mastercards - preferably the Capital 1 card as I would rather keep the Costco Mastercard. But the Capital 1 is my oldest credit history.

I don’t need a mortgage or anything in the next year or two. Current credit score is 700.

Would it be detrimental to close the capital 1 card since it’s the oldest account? Or does it really matter?

Moving to PG for work in a couple of weeks. I realize there is no Mazda dealership in Prince George. I have a 2024 Mazda that is still on warranty for another 5 years.

Is anyone in Prince George authorized to preform work on them?

I’m female, single again. 32 years old. No savings other than 10k in a RRSP.

Current Job:

Office Admin - Oil and Gas in AB

$1950 take home biweekly. Includes payout for vacation, gym membership reimbursement and cellphone reimbursement.
This is also after my 4% contributions to my employer RRSP match.

Company will likely sell in the next 5 years and I will be laid off. Oil and Gas industry is volatile, I’ve been laid off before and nobody that I know makes what I do or even close, which means it’s likely my next position would be a huge pay cut again like the last time I was laid off. No long term stability.

I have $1000 left over every month after I pay bills, groceries. This has to be used for savings, fun money ect.

I have a job offer with the BC government. It’s as follows:

$1600 take home biweekly
32 days paid vacation to start - can be split between 15 days mandatory taken and 17 days to be paid out
Full Benefits
Pension Plan (but I have to contribute 8.41%)
Full Time Permanent and long term stability

It’s incredibly tight if I take the job. $700 left over after I pay all my bills and buy groceries. Roommate, tight grocery budget. $700 has to cover clothing, any spending money, makeup, something for the savings account, and anything that pops up. But job security and pension.

I need to make a decision by Monday morning. Given the economy and cost of living - I’m tempted to take the government job for long term stability.

Hoping you guys can help me do the pros and cons here.

I’m 37/f - I used to be 5’5 and 400lbs. Years of super trauma between SA, mental health, being married to an alcoholic and an addiction to weed - it all affected me and I didn’t know how to properly deal with anything. I understand that. It’s on me.

I’ve come leaps and bounds - I’m under 200lbs. Amazing career and life. Took a few years off after my divorce to try and deal with my shit. Was extremely successful.

I’ve been trying to date and I had about a dozen guys be seriously interested and things were going good. They are even aware of my weight loss. But when they realize I have extreme loose skin everywhere, a huge hanging apron belly and no shape to me without clothes - the connection ends. I am not in a position for skin removal surgery and I don’t know when or if I’ll be able to afford it. It’s definitely not in the cards for the next few years.

I fully believe if I didn’t have loose skin or an apron belly or flaps of skin for boobs I wouldn’t be single. I guess my question is - do I keep trying or do I just forgot about dating and move on with life?

My ex and I split up and I’m on my own now. Went from 200k household income to just me on my 60k income.

I quit my job, took a pay cut and moved to a new town and am completely starting over. Took a pay deduction in trade for a government job with a pension. I have no other debt other than my car payment, which is a whopping $890 a month and still has 4 years left.

I have no savings - ex drained the account and spent it on alcohol, coke and an Audi. I’m not going after him, I’m afraid of him and the people he is around and I just wanted away from everything.

I’m living with a roommate, and looking for some extra part time hours in the evening but no luck yet. The part time job would just be for savings or paying the car off sooner. I can pay all my bills on my full time job as it is.

I owe $42,000 on it and it’s only worth 30k. I’m wondering if it’s even possible to sell the car for 30k, take out a personal loan from the bank for $20k for the negative equity and some cash left over for a beater. Doing this would drop my payment from $890 to $500 a month. Is this something that banks will even do? I’m open to other suggestions too.

I have no attachment to the car, don’t care about what I drive. I just wanna move on and fix this so I can move forward in life. Thoughts?

My alcoholic-cokehead-cheating ex-fiance left me for our friend a few months back - just a few months before our wedding. She discarded and kicked out her partner after a 7 year relationship a few months before our breakup. She’s hot. She’s an OF/Pornhub cosplay-hentai creator. How everything went down was beyond traumatic for both me and her ex. We will call her ex Brad. Brad and I haven’t talked for a few months. But a few days ago we were chatting. It’s 5 months post breakup for him now, 3 for me. I’ve always like Brad as a friend when we hung out as couples before. And I rarely find men attractive without knowing them, but I always found him attractive. Never thought about anything else though.

I’ve been a late bloomer - I’m 32 - always been a very heavy girl. Not much dating or hookup experience. My relationship with my ex-fiance was also a 3 year deadbedroom.

I’m 32 and still heavy although losing weight, but I feel like I’ve lost so much time when it comes to exploring sexuality, having experiences, taking chances and just exploring having interactions with other people. So I’m trying to be more brave. I feel really insecure about my lack of experience with guys and dating and sex and things. And even some shame because I don’t feel like a grown adult woman.

I decided to be brave and flirt Brad. We flirted a bit, I sent him a tit pic and suggested maybe we hang out and/or hook up. But I also would have been happy to just have him as a friend too. He was interested but said he would think about it.

A day later he messaged me back and said he didn’t think it would be a good idea, could be considered a revenge fuck and it’s best not to “wake any unnecessary demons.” I didn’t feel like it would for revenge but he did.

Of course I respect his decision and boundaries and still responded back in a way that does that.

But not gonna lie, for myself - this rejection after the rejection of being cheated on left for someone else hurts. The rejection knowing my ex can fuck and get together with basically any girl (he has a history) while I struggle to get one guy even for a fwb is a double whammy.

Anywho - thanks for coming to my vent.