u/According-Code-6915

I am trying to decide if I should press charges against my ex. The charge would be for harassment over the phone and text, as well as the threats he's made.

For context, my ex (30 M) and I (20 F) were together for a little over a year. I didn’t realize he was abusive until the last few months of our relationship. He cheated on me twice and was occasionally violent to objects around the room. By the legal definition of sexual assault, he assaulted me once, and crossed major lines multiple other times that fit into a grey area. One time, he physically grabbed my arm and threw me across the room.

I finally broke up with him, packed all my stuff, and left. About one week later, I called him once for about 10 minutes. I didn’t really say anything and just let him talk. After that, he kept texting me and begging for me back, saying crazy things, so I blocked him.

Since then, he has made about 7 new numbers to spam call and text me. I was hoping he would stop eventually, but I got back into town last week and he messaged me saying I had some packages arrive at our old apartment. I told him I would grab them while he was at work, but he kept demanding to see me.

When I refused, things escalated drastically:

• He threatened to show up at my job.
• When I told him not to, he sent me a nude photo of myself and threatened to "do something with it" if I wouldn’t see him.
• He sent incredibly threatening messages and spam-called/texted me these threats for about an hour straight.
• He actually showed up at my job. He stayed outside and didn't come in, but he eventually left.

He is still making new numbers to contact me. I am currently in the process of getting a restraining order to prevent him from reaching out. However, I also filed a police report for the harassment and extortion/threats, and the police asked if I want to press charges.

I am extremely conflicted. Part of me feels like the restraining order should be enough to get him to leave me alone, which is all I want. I feel like pressing charges is "dramatic" and is unnecessarily dragging this out. I don’t want to hurt him.

But I also know women rarely press charges against abusive men. Honestly, a huge part of me wants to do it only so it is on his record, so that future women can see it and know he is abusive. He has abused all of his past partners and I am terrified for the next girl.

Has anyone else gone through the legal process with a narc ex? Should I press charges, or just stick to the restraining order?

TL;DR: Left my abusive ex (30M). He has since made 7+ fake numbers to stalk me, threatened to leak nudes if I didn't see him, and showed up at my workplace. I am getting a restraining order, but the police asked if I want to press criminal charges. I feel guilty and "dramatic," but I want a paper trail to protect future women from him. Advice?