The First Night of College Was the Loneliest I’ve Ever Been
I started college at 17. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was to get invited early for summer classes, and I honestly thought this was finally going to be my chance to change. I grew up really sheltered and secluded, so before college I barely went out, barely talked to people, barely had a social life at all. Move-in day came and I was actually excited. I thought college was going to make me more outgoing. I thought I’d finally find “my people.”But the second I got there, it felt like everyone already knew how to fit in except me. People were laughing in groups, walking around with confidence, making friends so easily. Meanwhile I just felt awkward standing there pretending I wasn’t uncomfortable. I remember trying so hard to look normal when inside I felt completely out of place. That first night destroyed me more than I expected. I laid in my dorm bed hearing people in the hallway laughing and hanging out while I silently cried hoping nobody could hear me. I remember wishing so badly that I never came to college so early. More than anything, I just wanted to go home and lay in my mom’s bed again because it was the only place that ever felt safe to me.I think that was the first time I realized loneliness hits differently when you’re surrounded by people.College was supposed to be the start of my new life, but that first night was one of the saddest nights I can remember.