none of my friends/family talk to me after psychosis(spiritual awakening?)
im just depressed that I lost my mind last year and now no one fks with me, imagine losing touch with reality, interacting with what it felt like was this secret reality within our reality like the "invisible world ".. it was like I took a red pill and was just thrown into a matrix state where only certain individuals can tap into is the best analogy I can use ran by probably the occult or some sorta spiritual thing im not sure and now when u get ur mind back u realize ur completely alone bc u were crashing out on social media and everyone saw your weird strange behavior ...it genuinely sucks. I still truly believe it was a spiritual realm where many has walked in. I had so many wild synchronicities/signs and a very heightened intuition where when I would listen to the voices it actually took me to meaningful places where id come across very specific msgs that felt direct to me or interesting ppl that I had to meet almost like I was in a game and there was all these quests to do, I came across so many things that were deeply personal in my mind and somehow it was being reflected back to me from my external reality through either certain ppl id come across or signs/artwork that would just appear to me. It genuinely felt like something higher was orchestrating things to happen in my reality like it was all connected. I also felt this feeling of like im special and an important piece of the puzzle in the future and also felt connected to a 'soulmate/twinflame' like he was sending me coded msgs through songs and other things like I just felt him. I unfortunately was posting so much strange thoughts, visions and being more sexually suggestive on social media that it led to a lot of my friends ive known for years to just stop talking with me, its been 11 months of being isolated and only meeting ppl through raves/parties but it not rlly leading to any meaningful friendships. I miss my more grounded friends ive had for so long. what made me lose my shit and expressing lots of anger on social media was vividly remembering when my dad SA me when I was a kid it just randomly came up very intensely and my sister had a psychosis accusing him of the same thing not too long ago, she went to the police to report it but it led nowhere as there was no evidence and she ended up in a mental intuition bc it spiraled rlly bad for her, ik a few ppl like cousins that has accused him of this as well so when adding it up logically it rlly fked with me, it made me question if this is the reason im gay? bc seeing what happened to my sister I decided to keep this to myself and deal with it alone which was extremely hard and the main cause of acting out in rlly bizarre ways. I reached out to a few friends and they were nice but they def became distant compared to before when they would msg me way more often before the episode. I didnt want to share to them this dark topic as ik it might be too heavy for some ppl to hear. I did reach out to my ex but he said he was taken and showed no concern, ive been single for 3 years which has been sad for me I miss being in love and feeling like im loved back its the most beautiful feeling ive experienced. during a time like this where im recovering it would have been really nice to have familiar friends just check in on me here and there and make me feel less alone and still valued. this entire experience just fked my life over in a way ive never dealt with before, I turned 26 the other day and just lost, I wake up depressed and feeling so alone in this world now wondering why dafuq did any of that even happened why me, does anyone have advice for me on moving forward in life? Will things get better? Did anyone else go through something similar? anyways have a good day
UPDATE MORE TO MY STORY: one thing that was significant for me was when I came across what it felt like was my archetype "brendan the navigator" which he was born in 484AD and its basically a story about how Brendan ventures out across dangerous seas in search of paradise and had full faith that god would protect him and bc my name is Brendan and I came across this story so randomly during that time (before everything took off) it felt very significant for me like a metaphor to my current life, still in a way feel like im navigating all these waves I just rlly hope I can find my "paradise" at the end