u/Acrobatic-Bee7059

I don't have words for it.

I trued to put my foot down last night. Say we should probably go our separate ways. For both of our sakes - she would probably want someone that was totally crazy for her and I would want... I don't know. Someobe that ISN'T stuck to the hip with me?

Her insults have, for the most part, stopped this past week. Maybe she got bored. I haven't reacted to being called a dumbass/loser/pussy beyond going silent, which I suppose isn't fun.

I tried to tell her I was unhappy. I deeply, deeply cared for her and wished her nothing but happiness. It just wasn't going to be found with me. I know I am not what she wants out of a partner.

She did not want to hear it. Told me she has never been this happy before. Happy how?!? She's always telling me I don't do enough, I don't put out already, I don't WANT to talk 24/7 instead of her continuing her damn job search. How the hell are you both happy AND constantly annoyed with me?

Stupid me, I caved. Agreed with her that I was just making impulsive decisions. I'm just avoidant, it's natural I would shy away from love. She got a positively cold look in her eye when she started talking tense and I backed off. I feel like a dumbass.

What attraction I have with her is dwindling every night. I can't be another of her dozen+ "heartless, evil" exes. I find myself wishing she never got that crush on me at all. And mostly I'm just really fucking disappointed in myself for falling into another bad relationship instead of following my gut feeling.

I've heard this a couple times before and it makes my skin crawl. Wondering if anyone else experienced the same.

My pwBPD does love, a lot, very vocally. I feel like I should be honored anybody loved me to begin with, especially to this level, but I just find it offputting?

To her, "love" seems to be all-consuming. I am on her mind nearly 24/7, and when I am not it's because she's briefly busy (breifly because she's avoiding finding a job just to be more available). "Love" is adopting ALL of my hobbies, my interests, changing herself to morph into what she thinks would make me like her more. I told her to be herself but she jus could not, because it could potentially mean incompatibility.

"Love" is texting me every single hour of the day, and getting mad if I don't reply within 5 minutes like her. "Love" is memorizing my schedule down to the minute, even including things I did not share with her. "Love" is taking me having an off day personally, becoming violently depressed, forcing me to push down my own feelings to come comfort her.

I'm sure I'm her FP. She has not outright used the term but I know what it is and I see it clear as day. We're going between days of "I love you so much it hurts, I would do anything for you, I want to be together forever" and "why won't you just sleep with me already, why can't you be as intense as me, do you hate me". It is fucking mind boggling I'm getting scolded for being myself... but I digress.

I want to break up for both of our sakes but I can't even say "can I have a day to myself" without her posting on social media that she's unlovable. It hasn't even been half a year of dating yet. I don't know how to rip the bandaid off without feeling like a horrible person.