I don’t feel attracted to my boyfriend anymore because of my AF
Ok, I’ve never done this before but I’m gonna give it a shot.
I (17 F) and my boyfriend (18 M) have been dating for a little over a year. I was initially attracted to him because he was a gentleman and treated me right (for context I had gotten out of a year long toxic relationship a few months before we started dating). I didn’t find him super attractive but he was nice. Fast forward to now and I’m starting to have doubts about our relationship. I’m a Christian so I date to marry and believe that in a marriage the man should be leading the household. My boyfriend isn’t a strong leader and isn’t a motivated person. He spends a lot of his time playing video games and struggles to be productive. I on the other hand am the complete opposite. I’ve always been a natural born leader and a very motivated person. I brought this up to him and he has been working on it but the whole situation has caused me to take a mental step back from the relationship. I was pretty sure we were going to get married but now (because there’s a possibility that he doesn’t take initiative in his life and our relationship) there’s a chance that we won’t so I’m operating with a different mindset and it’s caused me to see a lot of things I didn’t before. Our relationship isn’t toxic or bad by any means but I’m just not feeling a spark. I’ve never been super attracted to him and I don’t find him very funny and I find myself wanting a guy that I’m more attracted to and who makes me laugh. He’s also pretty clingy which I thought I liked but I’m starting to feel smothered and like he’s relying on me too much. I know he’s working on relying on God more (I talked to him about relying on me to much) and becoming a stronger leader and more motivated and I have seen progress but I kind of feel like there’s so many things I need him to change and work on that maybe it’s not worthy it to stay. They’re things he should work on regardless but I’m struggling to be happy in this relationship and kind of want to leave. Over the last 3 months I developed Adrenal Fatigue and anxiety that is affecting our relationship and my ability to think clearly about our relationship. I was happy in this relationship until my anxiety got bad which was right around the time that I talked to him about working on his leadership skills and motivation. I can’t tell which one is causing me to doubt and be unhappy in this relationship. My anxiety has also caused me to lose the desire for physical affection. Whenever me and my boyfriend cuddle or kiss I no longer enjoy it and don’t really want to be physical anymore. I brought this up to him and told him that my anxiety is causing me to no longer enjoy physical affection and that I need to be less physical and he understood and we haven’t been super physically affectionate lately. I still kiss him goodbye when he goes home but even that I’m struggling to enjoy. I feel bad because I know my boyfriend enjoys physical affection but I just can’t give it to him right now. I know my AF and anxiety will go away and I won’t always feel like this but it really hard for me to tell if I’ve always felt like this and am just now realizing it or if my anxiety it causing it all.
I don’t really have anyone in my life who understands what it’s like to have AF and anxiety and I don’t know much about it myself so I was hoping to get some help from people who understand AF and anxiety more than me and the people around me do. Is this all in my head or are my concerns valid? Can AF and anxiety make you temporarily lose romantic/physical feelings for your partner, and how do you distinguish that from genuine relationship incompatibility?