r/christiandatingadvice

Hello,

I'm looking for some Christian advice about my relationship and thought here may be a good place to ask. So I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 5 months. I love him very deeply and we get on great the only problem is he isn't Christian or religious at all. When we first got chatting about liking each other I reminded him of the fact that me and my family are Christian. He said maybe we should stay friends which kinda broke my heart and others told me to give him a chance. He also said he was looking into different religions as he hadn't before much because of his depression.

I've honestly have had a great time with him and he's basically all I want in a man except he isn't Christian which was my top priority for dating to be honest. He helped me through some serious trauma and helped me tell my parents. (I won't go into detail, but basically I now suffer from PTSD and I had to involve the police) He did pray with me every night and managed to come to church despite his anxiety. He he did try and I was proud of him, but it's all kinda stopped now.

I spoke with him a few months ago and I talked about how I'm struggling with my relationship with God because of what happened and because of our relationship. We spoke and he said he may find God, but he said it probably wouldn't be through Christianity. I wasn't expecting to hear that and it kind of broke me. He brought up breaking up and I said no cause I was still understanding what he had said. I've had a while to think about it and I think breaking up is for the best, but I'm struggling with idea as he is my main support right now. I sometimes feel like I honestly worship him more than God and it makes me feel awful.

I'm also struggling with my mom and the constant questions. She's always asking if he's prayed with me, read his bilbe or have we spoken about God. It just makes me sad and breaks my heart. I don't wanna tell her what's going on cause she really loves him, but her constant questions stresses me out and I don't know how to answer them anymore. I talked to my sister about it and asked if my mom asks her the same about her boyfriend (who is Christian) and she said no. I think I'm also jealous of my sister and her relationship. I want someone who I can love, chat about God to and worship God together. I don't have anyone I can chat to and not feel judged except my boyfriend.

I think this is honestly the best choice for us, but it breaks my heart to think of it as I truly can't imagine loving someone as much as I love him. He's the first person I've ever felt love for (literally) and that's something I stuggle with. He also said he thought he'd never fall in love again and has thanked me for this second chance to love someone after his first partner. I thought I was ready for a relationship, but maybe I need to follow God more and fall in love with him first. I think what I need is reassurance I'm making the right choice.

I've been praying about it, but what do you all think?

TL/DR: Should I leave my non-Christian boyfriend as he thinks he could never become the Christian boyfriend I long for?

Hi everyone. I believe that Christianity is a relationship not a title or a religion. I have come to learn that a number of people especially some men in this group confuse Christianity and religion. Some of them even do not know what salvation is . If you ask them, now how did you come to know Jesus, they either give you some vague answers or some barely can't explain.

I find it very interesting and it has made me think I'm in the right group.

So I thought of asking this question here to both men and women.

What does Christianity and salvation mean to you and should it look like to you in your future Christian partner?

You are allowed to share also how you got born again/ encountered Jesus and when.

You can share as much as you want and as little as you feel comfortable.

Feel free to chat in the comment section or message me if you wish.

Forgive me mods if this is not allowed here but I believe it's a very important question especially in a Christian dating space like here. You never know what kind of meaningful connections it can create.

Hey y'all!

Last year, I spent a lot of time being intentional about meeting people to find my potential partner. Each time I've had a crush, I gave it God & the door would shut one way of the other. I then developed a crush on someone from uni around November, did the same shebang & God gave me a strong vision when I took a nap (I rarely nap because it makes me groggy lol).

For a bit more context, I'm an (23M) Evangelical Christian who experiences visions & dreams. I have learnt to discern what's just my brain processing info, dreaming nonsense & God showing me something.

In that vision, I saw a vivid image of what my partner looks like, which took me aback since, at the time, I hadn't met that person before.

Now the dilemma I have, one of my closest mates is really good friends with her & has a crush on her but doesn't want to pursue anything intentionally. We had a whole big chat about this & it would change the dynamics of the friendship which is a pity. What's odd is that she's a go-getter type so it's possible she doesn't see things the same way.

Had another vision during the year about me & her walking a long windy road together. We reach a fork in the road & take the same path up a hillside & see a Porsche SUV (that part confuses me)

I did try pursue her & get to know her more but I felt gross about it because of my mate. Then I crushed on someone else, gave it to God & as He closed that door, He spoke to me directly. (first time it happened) He clearly said, "Show me your girlfriend's voice"

Now I'm perplexed on what to do. I'm struggling to trust God on this. Can visions expire perse? If anyone else has had a vision about their future parter & it came true I'd appreciate ye advice.

(I have talked to other Christian friends about this & they're perplexed as well. Unfortunately I don't have any elders in my life rn to guide me through this as I'm transitioning churches)

Edit for a bit more context: My mate, who has the crush, is someone whom God made very clear (along with 2 other mates) is a day one in this season.

I want a partner, but I never feel like I'm good enough for any man. I always feel like I'm not pretty enough. Every time I think of approaching a man, I always feel like he thinks I'm ugly. Most men I've crossed paths with seem standoffish, or haughty in a sense that women like me wouldn't be good enough to approach them. I don't wear makeup at all because I don't like the feel of it and I don't think I need it, but men generally seem to prefer makeup. I always feel like an alien when I think of approaching men. Any tips on how I can get past that? What do men actually think and feel when a woman approaches them?

I’m posting this because I genuinely need some outside perspectives. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me what I want to hear. I want honest advice, especially from people who understand strict church environments and complicated relationships.

This is going to be long because there is a lot of context.

There are three people involved in this story: me, a girl, and a guy who is one of my close friends. I won’t mention anyone’s real name.

All three of us have been part of the same small church since childhood. Our church is quite strict when it comes to relationships and dating. Because it is a small church, almost everyone knows everyone, so personal matters can become church matters very quickly.

I have liked this girl for a very long time. Honestly, I think I started developing feelings for her when we were young. I always found her incredibly attractive, and over the years those feelings never completely disappeared.

But I never told her.

We barely talked while growing up. Even now, we don't have much of a personal relationship outside the things we have to do together at church. So my feelings have mostly been something I kept to myself.

Then there was my friend.

He confessed his feelings to her, and eventually they started talking. They ended up having a relationship that lasted around six years.

The strange thing is that their relationship was almost entirely through WhatsApp. They didn't really talk to each other at church, they didn't go out together, and they didn't even regularly call each other. It was mostly messaging.

At one point, my friend even started following her to her college, and she told him not to do that because she didn't like it. But they continued talking privately.

Eventually, someone in the church found out about their relationship and told the pastor and pastor's wife. Because of the church's rules and environment, they were forced to separate.

My friend is very close to me. We have done a lot of things together over the years, and I've always considered him a good friend.

The important thing is that he never knew I had feelings for her.

Neither did she.

After their breakup, they stayed away from each other. At the same time, she apparently still tried to be friendly with him. She wished him on his birthday through WhatsApp and tried to talk or smile at him sometimes, but he completely avoided her.

Several years passed.

Then, about a year ago, the girl became part of the church team I work in. I've been involved in this team for around four or five years, so suddenly I had to work with her regularly.

And that's when things became much harder for me.

I had managed to keep my feelings under control when I didn't have to interact with her much. But once we started working together, I started falling for her again.

We have to communicate and work together because we're in the same team. She has her responsibilities and I have mine. Sometimes I'm playing keyboard while she's involved with the choir, so we're naturally in the same area.

And honestly, I struggle with myself.

Sometimes I'm playing keyboard and I'll unconsciously look toward her. The moment I realize I'm doing it, I immediately look back at the keyboard. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or give anyone the wrong impression.

But people started noticing.

Some girls in the church began saying things like I was interested in her or that I was "looking at" her.

And because everyone already knows about her previous relationship with my friend, the situation became even more awkward.

People started making connections like, "He likes the girl who previously dated his friend."

I haven't confessed anything to anyone.

I haven't told my friend.

I haven't told her.

I haven't even told anyone in the church that I have feelings for her.

But somehow people have started talking.

At one point, even our pastor gave a sermon where he indirectly talked about things like looking at or watching other people. He didn't mention my name, but because of everything that had been happening, I felt like people knew what was going on.

That made me feel extremely embarrassed.

There were also times when the girl, my friend, the pastor and I would all be together during prayer. Some prayers were also made about situations involving boys and girls developing feelings for each other.

Being there while all of this is happening inside my head has been incredibly uncomfortable.

There was also something that happened with Snapchat.

I had Snapchat, and she actually added me there. At first, I assumed she was simply being friendly. She would send snaps occasionally, but I didn't really send much back.

Then, after a few weeks, she suddenly blocked me.

I have no idea why.

There was also a weird situation where my phone was left at church and someone apparently used it and blocked her on Snapchat as well. I felt extremely embarrassed about the whole thing because I don't even know what she thinks happened.

Now I'm stuck.

On one side, I genuinely want to focus on God, my church responsibilities and my own life. I've repeatedly told myself that I should just let these feelings go.

Sometimes I think, "Okay, I'm going to stop thinking about her. I'm going to focus on God and move forward."

But then I see her again.

And all those feelings come back.

That's what I'm struggling with the most.

I don't want to disrespect my friend.

I don't want to interfere with something that happened between them.

I don't want to make the girl uncomfortable.

I don't want church members gossiping about me.

And I definitely don't want to create drama in a small church where everyone knows everyone.

At the same time, I can't simply switch my feelings off.

I've never even had a proper romantic relationship with this girl. We've barely talked outside of church responsibilities. So part of me wonders whether I'm actually in love with her, or whether I've built an idealized version of her in my head over many years because I never got the opportunity to actually know her.

That's something I'm trying to be honest with myself about.

I also don't know what her behavior means.

She has been friendly toward me at times because we're working together, but I don't know whether that means anything beyond normal friendliness. I don't want to interpret ordinary kindness as romantic interest.

So I'm asking Reddit:

What should I actually do?

Should I completely distance myself emotionally and just treat her as a teammate?

Should I try to get to know her normally, without any romantic expectations?

Should I tell my close friend about my feelings, even though he and this girl have been separated for several years?

Should I ever tell the girl how I feel, considering the strict church environment and the history between her and my friend?

Or should I simply accept that this situation is too complicated and move on?

I know nobody here can tell me exactly what she thinks or feels. I'm mainly looking for perspective from people who have been through something similar.

Please be honest with me, even if the answer is something I don't want to hear.

And please don't attack the girl, my friend, or my church. I'm not trying to make anyone look bad. I'm just genuinely confused and struggling with my feelings, and I need some outside perspective.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years yesterday because I am fully giving my life to Christ, and my boyfriend is basically agnostic. He grew up catholic and has a lot of religious trauma because of his family and the church. I grew up baptist, and I have been longing for a fruitful relationship. At first, I told him we can’t fornicate anymore and he made it seem like that’s fine, but he won’t accept Jesus into his heart. I realized it’s not about fixing the sin first, it’s about giving yourself to Christ so that he can do the work in you. I want to inherit the kingdom of heaven and I want to be a faithful servant of God. I love my boyfriend so much. He’s done a lot for me and I know he wants to be a better man but I keep trying to emphasize it’s not about what you do, it’s about letting Christ guide your life and govern you. He is literally my bestest friend ever and I would want nothing more than for him to come to Christ officially and to be my husband. He didn’t want to break up but he agreed it’s what we have to do because of what I want. He said that he’s tried to be that person (aka a christian) but it didn’t work for him. That’s when I knew it was officially over. But I am still praying that he sees who God truly is. It’s still super fresh and I sobbed all night, but also I’m so grateful that God has allowed me to come this far. I was so lost before and now I put my trust and faith in the one true living God. Pray for us yall..

Hi! I’m 28, female. Important talaga sa akin na Christian din yung magiging future husband ko, and that we share the same faith and values.

For those who are also in their waiting season, ano po yung advice niyo? How do you deal with the fear na baka tumanda ka na without finding the right person?

I know a lot of single ladies sa church namin na matagal na ring waiting, and honestly, natatakot ako na baka ma-end up din ako na ganun. I know naman na being single is not a bad thing, and I also believe na God has His own timing for everything. Pero minsan hindi ko rin maiwasang isipin, “What if hindi talaga mangyari sa akin?”

I want to trust God’s timing and not rush into a relationship just because I’m afraid of being alone. Pero at the same time, I genuinely desire to have a life partner who loves the Lord, someone na makakasama ko mag-grow in faith and in life.

For those who have been in a waiting season for a long time, what helped you trust God and remain hopeful? What advice can you give sa mga katulad kong naghihintay?

I've been hearing that a lot of young Christians, myself included, are having a hard time finding their soulmate. Why is that? Where are single Christians supposed to meet each other? There aren't any single Christian groups near me and Bible study groups and young adults groups are split by gender, so there's not a lot in the way of mingling. How are we going to fix this?

I’m Pentecostal and the guy I’m seeing is Methodist. I don’t mind us being in separate denominations. What bothers me is his tattoos. He has the eye of Anubis, the eye of Horus, and voodoo dolls.

He has the two Egyptian eyes because his dream is to one day visit Egypt. And he has the voodoo dolls because he lived in Louisiana for up to 10 years.

I was willing to look past one tattoo, but three is too many. He doesn’t regret them, doesn’t see the wrong doing of them, and refuses to get them removed.

We both agreed if it wasn’t for those tattoos we could’ve actually been serious. He crossed off a lot of things on my list. I just can’t ignore the fact he grew up in a church, and still thought it was ok to get those.

My mind is in limbo. I know it’s not right to judge him off of the tattoos. But spiritually I can’t ignore them, especially if he doesn’t see the wrong doing of it.

I guess I’m just wondering if others have been in this situation??

I reached my 30s never married and without children, but surprisingly, some women view that as a red flag. I'm a realist—I have average looks, a good job, and I stay fit. I still have a full head of hair, and I just want to find someone ready to settle down. Dating has been challenging since most Christian women I meet are divorced or already have kids, making our life experiences and expectations quite different. When I do meet someone who has a similar situation as mine they tend to just be playing the dating game. Any other guy have a similar experience or any advice?

Hi, posting this opinion because a lot of things going on my head right now. I am dating a member of INC of over a year now. So, ang nangyari is yung mom ng boyfriend ko is INC so technically, INC din siya since little (handog ata tawag sa kanila). So yun na nga. Sa mga early months pa namin is everything went well and smooth, hindi din kami nag aaway masyado ng bf ko at kung may away man was we sorted things out kaagad. Until such time na bring up yung about sa religion, I am an Apostolic Christian (Born Again Christian) since birth, and lumaki kami sa simbahan and all. Ang kaso in my early 20’s I got backslide or hindi na active sa church, so then I met my bf, at first I thought that it’s okay (most especially sa religion namin) then mabait naman yung fam nya sakin, winelcome ako sa fam ng buong buo. And they are proud of as they say kasi ako daw ang nagpapamature sa anak/apo nila and all the good things. They never talk bad on me. So I felt overwhelmed, kasi I was showered with love and all. Grateful naman ako sa mga pinakita nila kasi no judgements and tanggap nila ako kung ano ako at kung ano man yung pasts ko.
Hanggang sa time na umabot na doon na ako nag stay sa kanila for months, like even though umuuwi ako sa amin, but mostly doon ako nag stay sa kanila—which is bahay ng bf ko. Since bawal ang live-in, they decided na mag pakasal kami, so andami nilang plano sa amin na parang wala na kaming chance mag plan for us and for our future. So yun nga going back sa religion thing, nag compromised ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko “Why not na magpaconvert ako or e try ko lang” but deep inside in my heart, belong padin sa religion ko even though hindi na ako active dun. Nag doctrina ako for almost a month and before saking mga doctrine sessions, nag sisimba din ako sa simbahan nila, which willingness ko yun kasi nga nag compromise ako. But deep in my heart is longing talaga yung nakasanayan ko and parang bigat sa loob ko. Pero tinuloy ko yung doctrina and all, pero wala akong peace of mind, I was confused in all things, so I prayed to God, I cried and begging for guidance. And then unexpectedly, na feel ko na lang na wala na akong gana mag attend ng mga doctrina even sa kanilang church services, then if mag contact yung Minister sakin about the doctrine, binibigyan ko ng mga rason kasi hindi ko na feel. Ang bigat talaga sa loob ko. Then kumausap yung mama ng bf ko sakin kung ano daw ang problema, that was through phone call, syempre ang sabi ko wala, kasi hindi pa ako sure sa self ko. Until nag confront na ako through chat sa mama ng bf ko nga hindi na ako magpapatuloy, inexplain ko lahat2 ng sides and opinion ko, yung feelings and kung ano yung nasa puso ko. Pero ang response ng mama is, “kaligtasan” daw. Ininvalidate niya yung explanations ko and kung ano ang nasa puso ko. Ansabi pa na magpalit daw minister sakin doctrina if hindi ako comfortable. Kaso nga sa akin, hindi sa minister or kung sino, kundi sa doctrina and whole thing. It doesn’t make sense for me talaga. God knows na tinry ko talaga na iabsorb yung mga doctrines nila pero napakalaking question mark ang nasa utak ko. Confused. If mag ask man ako, they have answers based on the bible, but still hindi ako nasatisfy sa kanilang answers. I even asked them about a certain verse in the bible but they don’t know about it. So dun palang, I have doubts na but pinatuloy ko parin. So ngayun, yung mama niya is gustong makausap ako personally, pero wala akong gana makipagusap sa kanya kasi I know, ma manipulate na naman ako and there’s the guilt-tripping. So yun na nga, over 1 month na kami hindi na uusap ng mama nya and hindi na din ako pumupunta sa bahay nya, but still kami parin ng bf ko going stronger and all.

Share ko lang opinion ko guys, if ano ang masasabi nyo as I do not know bakit nakakaganyan yung mama nya, if proud sila sakin and thankful na ako ang nagiging gf ng anak nila bakit pagdating sa religion nawala lahat.

I have been talking to a guy for some time now. We both belong to different religions. He being Hindu and me a Christian. We vibe exceptionally well. But I know my family will never accept us. I have tried letting him go but I just seem to miss him more. Please can anyone suggest how I can stop missing him and just let him go?

Anyone been in such a situation before? How did you come out of it?

I was talking to this guy for everyday for about two weeks and I responded to a message he sent on Sunday and he hasn’t replied. Normally this type of behaviour from a guy is pretty normal but I guess I expected more from him because he claims to be a Christian and seemed very strong in his faith. I’m just wondering how long people typically wait in ghosting scenarios before officially ruling it as a loss.

Hey everyone,

So, I've been married (my second marriage) for 2 months now (met my wife last November and starting dating later the same month). We kept celibate throughout our dating period but in all honesty the physical attraction just wasn't optimal (she has some weight to lose and just isn't beautiful or anything). I kept this internally and thought that what really matters is that she's also a believer (which i still think is the main priority when choosing a spouse as a Christian).

However, slowly but surely it's been eating me up from the inside and i just don't desire her much and as a result we're not having sex that often. She also has a certain level of insecurity and jealousy which doesn't help, while also showing signs of emotional distance for seemingly no reason and she's very easy to offend. She has mentioned that she's generally unhappy since we got married (different expectations mayb) and that we don't have a lot in common to talk about (moments of silence are quite normal). There's also a lack of her laughing at my jokes (while the others do), lack of any appreciation for any achievements on my end whatsoever and just a general lack of care toward me.

She does seem to close off easily and answering with a single word is what she does even when speaking to her relatives). She seems to be a great communicator over text but that's not the case in face-to-face scenarios so I'm the one who has to break the ice and unearth the issue usually. For example, she generally wears jeans and a t-shirt, no makeup etc. and I'd appreciate if she dresses more feminine more frequently. It's really a struggle since we started living together and i feel lost as i can't seem to find a rational solution. I almost feel like she is letting her true self come out, now that she ticked off the "get married" and "get pregnant" boxes.

Clearly, i was the one who proposed so that's on me, yet i feel like I've rushed into things and didn't really take my time to consider how my lack of genuine attraction for her will affect the marriage long-term. It hurts and it's painful because i realize that she deserves someone who cherishes her fully for what she is now, not what she might become if she starts dieting or hitting the gym. I keep praying and asking the Lord to interfere as this burden feels too heavy to bear.

And yeah, i know that what God has joined, let no men separate (Matthew 19:6). We also now have a baby on the way so things are even more complicated and my internal torment is even bigger.

I'd just to love to read about other people in similar situations or just general advice and opinions from fellow believers.

So I m 23 F at present have-loved a guy since 5 yrs he is a malyalli christian 30’yr old and I m a north indian hindu 23 yr old women .
I m ready to marry him but he is not cause I come from a different faith and he doesn’t want to disappoint his mom . But I have been extremely loyal lately he is acting weird and trying to call off our relationship cause I guess he wants to move on . but doesn’t have a proper answer for the break up other than family drama . I m ready to compromise on many things in life I love him so much .

What should I do?

I’m looking for some biblical and married-Christian perspective because I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is.
My husband’s dad is a pastor and owns a church. For whatever reason, my husband never really wanted to attend his parents’ church. When we got married, we prayed together and searched for a church that we both felt led to, and we eventually found one that we’ve been attending for about two years.
This church has honestly been such a blessing to us. It’s very Spirit-filled, and we’ve both grown so much spiritually. There are amazing men and women of God there, and I genuinely love the leadership and the church community. My husband also started playing the drums there, and I was ushering, so we were both actively serving.
Recently, my husband suddenly decided that he wants to start attending his parents’ church because he feels that he needs to honor his parents. I understand the importance of honoring your parents, and I love and respect my in-laws. They have been great to me, so this is not coming from a place of disrespect toward them or their church.
But honestly, I feel crushed by the decision.
When I attend my in-laws’ church, I personally don’t feel the same spiritual connection that I feel at the church we’ve been attending. I don’t want to be rebellious or disrespect my husband’s leadership, but I also don’t want to ignore what I feel God has been doing in me through our current church.
My husband told me that if I decide to stay at our current church, I would have to find my own transportation there. He said he doesn’t care whether I attend his parents’ church or our current church, but at the same time, I feel like as a wife I should be following my husband’s lead, and I don’t want us to be divided spiritually or feel like our home isn’t in order.
So I’m really torn.
**Would you say that as a wife I should simply follow my husband’s decision and attend his parents’ church with him, even if I don’t feel spiritually connected there? Or is it okay for me to continue attending the church where I’ve been growing spiritually, while still respecting my husband and supporting him?**
I’m not looking for people to bash my husband or my in-laws. I’m genuinely asking other married Christians: **How would you handle this biblically and practically?** And if you’ve been through something similar, what did you do?

I recently visited a church where a pastor was nearing age 70. His wife was in her 30s.

I found this a bit.....disturbing. At the same time, I knew, "Okay, well, the Bible technically doesn't prohibit it."

How would you feel if it were a pastor at your church? From a Christian standpoint, is this an unhealthy age gap?

I'm a bit of an outsider posting this as anon-believer, but please don't misunderstand me. I'm extremely familiar with the Christian faith and have absolutely no intention of trying to lead anyone away from their belief.