u/Story-Dweller

Hello,

I'm looking for some Christian advice about my relationship and thought here may be a good place to ask. So I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 5 months. I love him very deeply and we get on great the only problem is he isn't Christian or religious at all. When we first got chatting about liking each other I reminded him of the fact that me and my family are Christian. He said maybe we should stay friends which kinda broke my heart and others told me to give him a chance. He also said he was looking into different religions as he hadn't before much because of his depression.

I've honestly have had a great time with him and he's basically all I want in a man except he isn't Christian which was my top priority for dating to be honest. He helped me through some serious trauma and helped me tell my parents. (I won't go into detail, but basically I now suffer from PTSD and I had to involve the police) He did pray with me every night and managed to come to church despite his anxiety. He he did try and I was proud of him, but it's all kinda stopped now.

I spoke with him a few months ago and I talked about how I'm struggling with my relationship with God because of what happened and because of our relationship. We spoke and he said he may find God, but he said it probably wouldn't be through Christianity. I wasn't expecting to hear that and it kind of broke me. He brought up breaking up and I said no cause I was still understanding what he had said. I've had a while to think about it and I think breaking up is for the best, but I'm struggling with idea as he is my main support right now. I sometimes feel like I honestly worship him more than God and it makes me feel awful.

I'm also struggling with my mom and the constant questions. She's always asking if he's prayed with me, read his bilbe or have we spoken about God. It just makes me sad and breaks my heart. I don't wanna tell her what's going on cause she really loves him, but her constant questions stresses me out and I don't know how to answer them anymore. I talked to my sister about it and asked if my mom asks her the same about her boyfriend (who is Christian) and she said no. I think I'm also jealous of my sister and her relationship. I want someone who I can love, chat about God to and worship God together. I don't have anyone I can chat to and not feel judged except my boyfriend.

I think this is honestly the best choice for us, but it breaks my heart to think of it as I truly can't imagine loving someone as much as I love him. He's the first person I've ever felt love for (literally) and that's something I stuggle with. He also said he thought he'd never fall in love again and has thanked me for this second chance to love someone after his first partner. I thought I was ready for a relationship, but maybe I need to follow God more and fall in love with him first. I think what I need is reassurance I'm making the right choice.

I've been praying about it, but what do you all think?

TL/DR: Should I leave my non-Christian boyfriend as he thinks he could never become the Christian boyfriend I long for?

Hello everyone,

This is my first Reddit post and I'm using a burner account. Also sorry about any spelling mistakes, I can't spell to save my life. 🥲

I'm really at a loss what to do and I need some advice and maybe approval. I've been crying all day over this. I (19F) have been dating my bf (31M) for over a year now. We met on codm and instantly became best-friends. We're happy, really happy, but I feel like I may have to break up with him.

He's the best guy I could possibly want. He moved away from his family to be up in Scotland with me (his family live in the South of England). He has helped me after I got graped by 2 guy friends I had trusted. He's even has held me when I've cried during the night. He's always gentle when touching me and has such a nice, calming voice. He's never raised his voice and has never made me cry or scared. He's literally perfect for me and still loves me for all the weird things I say and do.

There's a few reasons I feel like I should break-up with him is:

I feel like I'm holding him back - He used to do a lot more before he came to be with me. I know he's helping me and it's hard for him, but I feel like he'd be better off without me. He used to run and go out everyday. I want to go with him, but I'm too scared to go out anymore. I'm scared that I may see on of the guys who graped me. One of the perpetrators lives close by and goes to the college here. He's also been in the city when I have a few times. A while ago when we went to visit my bf parents he was at the same bus station. I didn't see him, but only found out later cause my bf saw a story he posted as we were getting on the bus showing him there. The guy knows where I live and used to work (I'm not working cause of my mental health and fear of the guy trying to chat to me at work. I was having panic attacks especially when I saw someone who was black. I was scared it was either him or one of his friends.).

Anyway he used to do so much before he was with me. He'd always be busy doing art, but he seems to have no ideas and creative spirit anymore. I just feel like maybe he'd be happier without me. We've agreed to stay best friends if we break up when we've talked about the possibility of breaking up.

I also feel like I'm hogging him. His family's always say how much the miss him and want him to be there with him. I feel like maybe he should be with them especially cause his sister - who he's close with - has been struggling a lot and has been taken to mental health hospital for a while. I feel like she'd be a bit better if she had him again. I just feel like I'm not worthy of him and maybe he's not for me.

Different beliefs - This one is kinda of a big one. So basically I'm a Christian and so is my family. He is not and neither is his family. I did bring this up to him as a problem when we first started dating. My co-worker said to give him a chance after seeing me nearly crying after I said to my bf that maybe we shouldn't date. I was literally heart-broken at that moment and I decided to do so.

Anyway I've wanted to get closer to God and I'm struggling a lot. I want someone to chat to other than my sister about our religion. She has a christian bf and they read the bible and chat about it together, whereas I don't have that with my bf. My bf has come to church a few times, but stuggles to go because of his debilitating anxiety and how loud it can be. My mom constantly asks if I talk to him about christianity and if I think he'll become a christian. We spoke about it before and he said he can't become a christian just because of me. I respect his honesty and don't want him to get closer to God just for me. He told me if he finds God, it's probably not gonna be through christianity.

I'm also struggling with us having sex. I know I shouldn't be having sex before marriage and keep wanting to stop, but stuggle with stopping. He doesn't like the idea of no sex before marriage in christianity and says sex helps a relationship. I know that can be true, but I want to stop. I kinda got into it because I was struggling with hypersexuality after being graped. I had something like this happen when I was younger and had the same issues, after about a year I was okay so I think I just needed time. I want to stop and my bf said he will if I want, but also doesn't want to.

Different ideas for the future - When we've chatted I thought we had similar ideas of what we wanted for the future, but it seems not. He recently said he wants to travel, I want to travel too, but eventually settle down and travel occasionally. He seems to want to travel forever. He said he wants to put all him belongings into a shipping container and travel. I don't think I want that.

I just so lost on what to do and I'm scared. I've never felt this way about anyone else and I know it's truly love, but idk if I can be with him if we don't hold similar beliefs and ideas for the future.

I really don't want to leave him and I know it'll crush both of us. I'm scared he may go back to drinking or sh like he did before I helped him stop. I don't want to lose him and I'm scared he may not want to be friends after this.

He recently asked if I want to take a break like my aunty and uncle did (my uncle let my aunty finish college before going back to dating and getting married). I don't think I want that, just cause I don't wanna wait if he's not for me. I thought maybe in the future if we are both single maybe we can have another chance, but idk.

Another thing is we have a lot to remember us by. Like toys and matching onesies. I have a cow one and he has an alien one saying he's come to abduct me. I dont know what to do with that.

He recently got his own place too. After staying with my family for over a year he finally got offered a place up here. I don't what him to have gotten it for nothing.

I'm also scared cause we want to go on a wild camping trip in July. We've been planning to do this for over a year now and have everything we need. I'm thinking maybe we should talk and break-up after cause I don't what to ruin the trip. I just feel so fake and like a liar when I kiss him and say I love him. Like I know I love him and I always will. I just feel like I'm just gonna make myself hurt more when it comes and I'm at a loss at what to do and that's what I need help with. Sorry for this being so long, but thanks for reading it all.

Do I break up with him? Do I do it before or after we go? I'm I just a bad partner amd human being?