I (23/M) love my girlfriend (24/F), but our mismatch in intimacy is starting to affect me mentally and sexually and our relationship
I really love my girlfriend and I respect her boundaries a lot, we've been together for almost 4 years now. She’s free to say no whenever she wants and I never want her to feel pressured into doing anything sexual. The problem is that over time, I think the constant rejection has started affecting me mentally.
I have a higher sex drive than her, and most of the time when I try to initiate something intimate, she says no. Again, I respect that completely, but I’ve noticed that it’s making me more sexually frustrated whenever we’re together. Sometimes I feel like I’m always thinking sexually around her because intimacy feels so “out of reach.”
Now I think it’s also affecting me physically. On the rare occasions where she does seem open to intimacy, I get anxious, overthink everything, and sometimes can’t even stay hard. I think I’ve become scared of rejection or worried about doing the wrong thing to the point that I can’t relax anymore.
I also struggle to communicate about sex with her because I’m afraid of sounding pushy or making her uncomfortable. Even suggesting something like getting a hotel feels impossible for me to bring up directly now.
I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to keep bottling everything up until I become resentful or emotionally distant.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle the difference in sex drive without making your partner feel pressured or making yourself feel unwanted?