Constantly feeling dismissed by government psychiatrist
I just want to share some frustration over experiences I had so far from 6 years of seeking treatment for mental health in Malaysia public healthcare. They say if you are struggling, seek for help. But what they never share is how shitty the help can come in form of sometimes.
6 months ago during my regular psychiatry session I told the doctor that I would like to get myself checked further for other possibilities of different or additional diagnosis. Yes, so far the medications I am taking seems to be responding well and I am in much more stable place than when I first started. However I can't help but to feel there is still unsorted 'issue' within, which is why I would like to discuss about it further.
I understand that our public healthcare are severely understaffed, so I really don't want to waste any public resources (that could go to treating someone else more severe). Hospitals that I go to don't even have specific set of physicians working in the clinic. It's always changing. Sometimes there's even trainee doctor (which is fine). Therefore I agree with the suggestions to bring up this thing on next session with the next doctor, considering that they are having lots of patients on that day too.
Fast forward to today, I had that said session. In my head I kept repeating my 'speech' for what I need to say and what my responses are to the questions that might come from the psychiatrist I'll be seeing today. 5 minutes in after the doctor finished asking their regular check-up of "how's the med" "is all good" (which i usually just responded with 'ok' and 'yes' to not waste anyone's time), I finally gathered the courage to bring up that conversation of different diagnosis.
Unfortunately, I can't help to feel like the topic is being brushed off. Like I'm just another patient to cross on the checklist. He sure has a way of making it feel like 'it's all in my head' or I am just seeking attention or being dramatic. -- which is ironic, because how is it normal at this point for me to come out of any session from this hospital psychiatry session feeling invalidated each time and feeling a lot more worse than when I came in?
The doctor treating me today was polite and not rude in any way, which make it a lot more confusing when I'm being indirectly dismissed. Some of his words that kept repeating in my head was "in psychiatry, diagnosis is not important, but what matter more is that we treat the symptoms". I kind of understand where he's coming from, but I can't help to feel like I'm such a terrible person to even had the audacity to bring it up when it's a busy day at the clinic. From there, I started doubting myself and questioning my intention.
He ended up increasing my current med dosage, but eventually did not proceed to diagnose or do further assessment for it. Total session doesn't take more than 15 minutes (as usual). I have waited for 6 months though :(
This is why most time when they ask questions on the follow-up appointment I just go with my default answer of 'yes' & 'all good' because I know how shitty I would feel coming out of that session if I were to invest a bit time & hope to get proper assessment or treatment.
This is not the first time this has happened to me. Each time I decided to stand up for myself and fight a little bit more for my mental health in any session I had, I would just end up coming out feeling like I was being 'stripped naked' but with words. I was 'interrogated' and they keep taking more and more until I wasn't even left with any dignity at the end.
At this point, I feel like these public hospitals psychiatrists are only good for the subsidized medications alone. I am privileged enough to been able to afford private therapy, but when it comes to medications it is not the case. This is why I keep coming back to the government hospitals. I am fine with just saying 'Yes' as if everything is all rainbows and sunshine to not deal with the drama, but at some point I do need to address what has been bothering me (no matter how big or how petty it seems). I thought it might be different this next time, but I thought wrong. Nothing has changed, it has been the same thing again and again.
- Disappointed citizen