im a minor and im thinking of telling my therapist about my cutting and suicidal thoughts knowing i will be hospitalized but i am scared. i want to know what other peoples experiences were like since im afraid of starting school late and dont know if it'd be worth it. ive been struggling for years and i do want help.
Hi all.
I'm looking to connect with people diagnosed with schizophrenia. I'm 38F, an unmarried mother of one child, and i have been diagnosed with schizophrenia 10 years ago. After hiding my ailment for 10 years, i publicly "came out" on my social media channels, no longer hiding in plain sight nor do I care if i get discriminated against because of my diagnosis. I'm unmarried because the father of my child refused to marry me due to my schiz, even though i disclosed to him early on the relationship.
I had always wanted to form a community of high-functioning schizophrenics. I used to belong to the MMHA community, but I find the experience uninspiring because the majority of people in that group with schizophrenia are not open to talk about their experiences, or could not comprehend higher thinking like philosophy, anime, ideas etc.
I want to know if there are people like me out there. Like, if they are burdened with schizophrenia but are also able to hold a well-paying job, socialise, connect and communicate. I really want to feel a sense of belonging to a group of people who live normally, but may still struggle with schiz.
If you know someone, or if you are that someone, i'd like to connect and talk to you.
Cheers and thank you.
I just want to share some frustration over experiences I had so far from 6 years of seeking treatment for mental health in Malaysia public healthcare. They say if you are struggling, seek for help. But what they never share is how shitty the help can come in form of sometimes.
6 months ago during my regular psychiatry session I told the doctor that I would like to get myself checked further for other possibilities of different or additional diagnosis. Yes, so far the medications I am taking seems to be responding well and I am in much more stable place than when I first started. However I can't help but to feel there is still unsorted 'issue' within, which is why I would like to discuss about it further.
I understand that our public healthcare are severely understaffed, so I really don't want to waste any public resources (that could go to treating someone else more severe). Hospitals that I go to don't even have specific set of physicians working in the clinic. It's always changing. Sometimes there's even trainee doctor (which is fine). Therefore I agree with the suggestions to bring up this thing on next session with the next doctor, considering that they are having lots of patients on that day too.
Fast forward to today, I had that said session. In my head I kept repeating my 'speech' for what I need to say and what my responses are to the questions that might come from the psychiatrist I'll be seeing today. 5 minutes in after the doctor finished asking their regular check-up of "how's the med" "is all good" (which i usually just responded with 'ok' and 'yes' to not waste anyone's time), I finally gathered the courage to bring up that conversation of different diagnosis.
Unfortunately, I can't help to feel like the topic is being brushed off. Like I'm just another patient to cross on the checklist. He sure has a way of making it feel like 'it's all in my head' or I am just seeking attention or being dramatic. -- which is ironic, because how is it normal at this point for me to come out of any session from this hospital psychiatry session feeling invalidated each time and feeling a lot more worse than when I came in?
The doctor treating me today was polite and not rude in any way, which make it a lot more confusing when I'm being indirectly dismissed. Some of his words that kept repeating in my head was "in psychiatry, diagnosis is not important, but what matter more is that we treat the symptoms". I kind of understand where he's coming from, but I can't help to feel like I'm such a terrible person to even had the audacity to bring it up when it's a busy day at the clinic. From there, I started doubting myself and questioning my intention.
He ended up increasing my current med dosage, but eventually did not proceed to diagnose or do further assessment for it. Total session doesn't take more than 15 minutes (as usual). I have waited for 6 months though :(
This is why most time when they ask questions on the follow-up appointment I just go with my default answer of 'yes' & 'all good' because I know how shitty I would feel coming out of that session if I were to invest a bit time & hope to get proper assessment or treatment.
This is not the first time this has happened to me. Each time I decided to stand up for myself and fight a little bit more for my mental health in any session I had, I would just end up coming out feeling like I was being 'stripped naked' but with words. I was 'interrogated' and they keep taking more and more until I wasn't even left with any dignity at the end.
At this point, I feel like these public hospitals psychiatrists are only good for the subsidized medications alone. I am privileged enough to been able to afford private therapy, but when it comes to medications it is not the case. This is why I keep coming back to the government hospitals. I am fine with just saying 'Yes' as if everything is all rainbows and sunshine to not deal with the drama, but at some point I do need to address what has been bothering me (no matter how big or how petty it seems). I thought it might be different this next time, but I thought wrong. Nothing has changed, it has been the same thing again and again.
- Disappointed citizen
Recently, I went to a KK to get a referral letter from the GP for gov psychiatric services. I was told by my counsellor to get assessed psychologically to better manage my symptoms, mainly being ADHD and OCD; and to get more consistent help.
Booked through the MySej app for outpatient, arrived at 1040am and waited for about 2hrs past my scheduled time until a staff took my blood pressure, height and weight, then another hour before I saw the GP.
The nurses and staff were kind, but the GP was not. I felt like I was being interrogated and dismissed throughout the 30?mins I was in there, unsure how long it actually was but it felt like forever.
I told the doctor I’ve mainly been struggling with lack of motivation, anxiety, guilt, and shame since childhood but my symptoms have escalated whereby my physical health is at risk; but the doctor just kept asking me why I’m having these issues.
I mean, I don’t know?? That’s why I’m here 😭😭😭
It got to a point where she got frustrated at me and raised her voice, asking “you keep telling me all about your problems but you’re not telling me why?! How am I supposed to help you if you can’t tell me why you have all these problems?!”
She then probed more on my background and my childhood traumas which got me crying as it was a sensitive topic for me. At some point she even said I was very lucky I even get to go to uni; which really didn’t help considering I told her how I’ve always felt like a burden… I was sobbing at this point.
I was also so embarrassed because the door was wide open and all the staff and patients walking by could see and hear me basically choke on my own tears after talking about how I feel like a failure in life.
She then left the room, no explanation, for about 10mins and I was left alone as I tried to collect myself.
She came back with a letter for me to go for gov counselling, and to come back to the KK for blood tests and thyroid tests. I was in distraught, after all of that, and I don’t even get what I came here for?
She proceeded to tell me to “exercise, sleep normally and take deep breaths”, and “lots of people have stress and feel like this” — I just told her I’ve been wanting to jump or get hit by a car for a few years now.
It wasn’t even the fact that I didn’t get the letter, if she was any bit kinder to me, I would’ve left the room hopeful that, well, tomorrow would be better.
I left the KK crying at 230pm feeling incredibly isolated and helpless.
Out of frustration, I went straight to a private klinik after a mini cry session in my car. I went in, saw the GP, told her I needed a referral. She asked me about my symptoms and what my concerns were about my mental health worsening, and said the reception would hand me the letter.
I was in that room for no more than 10mins, and out of the klinik in 30mins. I wasn’t sobbing out the room, didn’t shed a tear, my eyes might’ve even dried up at how calm the whole process was. I also only paid rm30.
I’m baffled at the stark difference between public and private.
I could see how the KK supported the local community, there were mak ciks, atuks, a grandpa pushing a wheelchaired granny, a family with 4 kids under 5; and the medicine dispensary went pretty quick too, so I won’t criticise KKs. I’m sure they’re stretched thin as they are already, but I just wish my experience was better.
I had a bad suicidal episode last night. Ive been going through depression completely alone. Dealing with breakup after a long relationship. My ex told me not to harm myself as she knew i had history of self harm. So i went to the er hoping to have someone diagnose me or whatever.
The queuing process was bearable. I think because i told the registration person im suicidal they put my number ahead of everyone else. The problem is though after i get into the checkup room.
I know our MOH is very short handed nowadays but i didnt expect the room to have another patient right next to each other. Basically a long table where two dr attend their patient on each end of the table. So when i told the dr about my situation, she asked about my history, what happened that led to the depression etc. Then she consulted with the dr beside her which i assumed her senior dr. Here's where things got worse.. Both dr suddenly started interrogating me about my details and theyre being very loud about it too. Im sure at least 5 other patients can hear about my problem and also know my background, where i work etc. Not to mention i work at a public office nearby the hospital too so i got paranoid thinking someone might know me personally. I know i can simply said i prefer to talk privately but i was so overwhelmed at the time that i couldnt bring myself to told them.
In the end they called a specialist and gave me a set of alprazolam to get through the week as i do have an appointment with Mentari this wednesday. Maybe im just unlucky but i kinda regret going there tbh. Went hoping for help but got public judgement instead. Thats all for my experience, i hope its just an issue with my local hospital and not everywhere else.
When I first came to the clinic, I was not sure what to say or how to explain my situation. I was even unsure if I got the right place. They asked me a question. "Why are you here? What have been stressing you lately? Do you harmed yourself before?"
It's quite hard to answer these question, because when I talked it out... it makes me look like my case wasn't that bad. I also felt cringe of myself, because what do you mean you just come here because you don't have somebody to talk to? It might not sound weird if you're reading this but imagine going to a psychiatrist and said "I just don't know who to talk to."
And with someone suddenly taking my mental health answer seriously, I feel even more hesitant. It felt weird. I feel...wrong. It feels like I'm trying too hard to convince them if I straightforwardly said "I feel like I have depression, anxiety and overthinking". Besides, who am I to put this labels onto myself? So I just said "yeah, I never harmed myself...I just think about it but I never did."
Liar, I did tried it before during high school. But I was a p*ssy, so I didn't slice my skin deep enough to make it bleed. It didnt even scar. I think that wasn't enough to be considered as SH so I didn't mention that because I would look like exaggerating small things.
I was kinda worried when they set my appointment in the next two months...is my case not heavy enough? Was there somebody with a bigger case? Why is it so long? Do I not look sick?
In that one hour, I tried my best to recall what I can to proof them that I really REALLY NEED THIS HELP. But when I look back, it felt kinda silly. My stories wasn't even dramatic. Suddenly my issues felt insignificant and small compared to other things like hearing voices...harming yourself... I don't really know what is considered as SH or hearing voices tbh. I know it can't be just slicing skins or hearing "kys" in your head. Different people have different ways. And when the staff said "Oh, so your mental problems are minor, do not worry." it's supposed to be a good sign, right? So idk why I feel dissatisfied.
Today I wake up and I feel deeply frustrated. Because deep down I know it wasn't just overthinking. I spend years in this dark place alone and trying to climb my way out, overthinking felt too shallow to describe it. I don't know how exactly I should say it, but rn I want to improve myself while I'm waiting for the next appointment. I fear it would make them see my case as something even more minor if I came to them without problem or feeling well. Guh, it makes me want to stay miserable everyday so it would look even more obvious, but I know that is absolutely wrong.
If you ask me why I seek help? .... I don't know. I'm tired because I've explained and explained and described my situations so many times to many people. I don't want to retell the same stories over and over again, but oddly I want to talk about how miserable my past is. Funny, right? I want people to talk to me, but I don't want to talk to people. So weird.
Would you brush me off if I said it all started because I self-diagnosed myself as depressed when I was a kid, and from there I isolated myself on command until I realized that I couldn't talk normally without over-worrying anymore? And it spiraled me for years until it turns into real depression?
I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I would tell myself over and over again. Hey me, DO NOT ROMANTICIZE MENTAL ILLNESS. Depression looks cool until it turned real, and it wasn't cool at all. A part of me thinks that all I want is just that "depression" label. Because thinking "am I depressed? Am I just overthinking?" back and forth is very exhausting and it delayed me help so badly.
But I was certain that was how I'm feeling every month...everyday...and all this year before. I'm really tired, at this moment I rather die then explaining so hard why I'm in pain and I'm being serious. Because when I talked I also smiled, I laughed, I looked healthy. No self-inflicted cuts. I was attending school. Nothing. I looked like a normally functioning person.
I'm really nervous if they focused solely on my overthinking issue for this next appointment. How am I supposed to describe years of indescribable, silent, small, subtle, confusing pain that keeps torturing me for years in an hour without missing anything important? Without exaggerating? when I'm trying so hard to not appear as a "pick me"? I just don't know how to describe it anymore...just thinking about it makes my head feel heavy. But in order to heal I have to remember back exactly how it feels. Plus my body health issue (extremely painful menstrual cycle with suicidal episodes on day 1st every month, something similar to PMS or PMDD if u know) it's another thing that's harder for me to explain.
I try to think good thoughts lah...maybe there's someone with bigger issues than I am. Besides, I already secured an appointment, so I can describe everything more in depth later. Right? Or a we straight healing?
I'm just really upset today that I couldn't describe it well like how I was typing this. Please, I think my pain is severe and extreme. Please. I'm serious. I just don't know how to proove or say it.
I live alone in a rented house and none of my friends nor the college knows my address so theres quite no one to check up on me. I've been skipping classes for days now because I don't feel like going due to me losing interest in the field I'm pursuing.
It was only today I'm realizing that I haven't been checking my WhatsApp messages at all, my room being trashed and I haven't been eating something heavy at all. My lecturers have been growing more concerned on where I've been since none of my friends knew anything either.
I obviously cant keep living like this but I really had lost the passion in doing anything.
Might not sound big for those who got used to driving for years, but this was a really big trip for me.
I travelled 16km to the clinic and 18km back home, making it a total 34km journey. Mind you, I had to repeat my driving test 5-6 times to get a license. I had an ACCIDENT before. I'M NOT CONFIDENT AT ALL IN DRIVING CAR. Also, I didn't expect HIGHWAY TOLL 😭 I only got my ic and there's no money inside, so I was stuck on the toll until the guy working there guided me on what to do next. I spent RM10 to topup my ic and finally I managed to go through it.
The hardest part is driving and navigating the road at the same time. It was SCARY X[ I don't know where to go and the minimum speed on the highway is 80kmph which suggs because I ALREADY HAVE SO MUCH WORRY INSIDE AND I DON'T DRIVE FAST so it was VERY very scary. I was alone on this place I rarely come. Usually I come to Butterworth with my parents for vacation and family outings so to come here alone, without my parents knowing???
It feels like I was moving out and running away from my house, I never thought I would survive this trip 😭🗿 🫠 (guhh what a pathetic child I am)
And I got there near 1pm and guess what? It's their lunch time (ToT) so I had to bask in my car for an hour until 2pm even if they tell me to go out and get some lunch first because I was OVERWHELMED WITH THE TRAFFIC AND LORRIES AND CARS SPEEDING EVERYWHERE AND I WAS ALONE. If anything happens to me Idk what to do 😐
During this trip I was thinking 🤔 "is this trip even worth it? I had to went through so many procedures and meet people I didn't like at school just to get a permission to attend the clinic for screening." "Is it worth it travelling 18km alone this far?" "What if I don't feel better?" "This place is so far, I don't feel safe coming alone."
I'm so tired and hungry while I'm waiting there.... I wished I knew where to safely rest and eat because that place is so hard to navigate alone and I'm drowning in sweat and anxiousness. Not to mention I feel like I wished someone could drive me there and accompany me, but it felt like a privilege I should never think off. My parents always wanted me to face this alone, so...yeah. This sucks. Facing this alone... I wished I could had someone come with me but... no. I had to do this alone. I already asked my parents to drive me and get me help, but they always forgot. Or try not to remember about it. So I decided that I can't wait for them anymore and drive there on my own.
I mean... sometimes I do ask for help and then people treat me like I'm a baby "ohh why don't we ask mummy if she could drive you there?" "Why don't we ask mummy to write the letters too" Idk nobody ever says that to me but it's something like that.
This is the scariest road trip ever. I'm already worried about my next appointment. How would I tell my parents that I didn't go to school today because I had appointment that evening? What if they find out that I'm attending therapy? The place feels so far...I hate going through highways because it so dangerous and I'm already terrified of driving alone. I just wished someone would be here to just... support and accompany me when I'm driving.
There's so many confusing roads and traffic lights on my way out as I'm avoiding toll, and while exiting the highway, I almost missed the exit and it was a very sharp turn. I can't imagine what would I do next if I missed it 😭
I think I should have taken the local kk screening near my hometown so I would have a shorter road trip...maybe they'll refer me to the nearest place in my hometown or still at Mentari..I thought it would be much more straightforward if I go to Mentari because it's a mental health clinic. If I go to my nearest kk, idk if they're going do the therapy right there too. I just don't want to rush my time because they are short-staffed and you know how long kk waitlist can be sometimes with so many people there coming for different reasons...
I just... I feel like Butterworth is too far and the trip through highway is too scary and demanding for me. I feel like a fragile stick driving among tree barks. Can you imagine how sweaty and shaky my hands are as I prepare to go home? I followed the map and just hope the cars behind me would spare me some mercy because IT WAS SOOOOO FARR AND SO MANY FAST CARS AND I'M HUNGRY
okiee thx for listening to me 😭 now what, is this the sacrifice I suppose to make or should I tell them I would cancel the appointment because it was too far and I want a nearer clinic?
My therapist told me that I should find a place where I belong, but how can I?
My current friends are all flaky, even if they are well meaning and aren’t necessarily doing it on purpose. I try and make plans and they don’t even respond to me for days! So many friends who tell me “we should hang out again some time” and they never do, because they don’t actually mean it.
When I go to events and meet new people, it’s actually very difficult to find anyone who even wants to reciprocate these efforts. It’s not so easy as to “just socialise and meet new people and you’ll find your people”, because I’ve been doing that and leaving empty handed every time.
It’s so fucking infuriating that no matter what I do this non-reciprocity is present almost everywhere, it makes me feel like im stupid for ever asking for the BARE MINIMUM. I just feel so mentally exhausted and fed up that self isolation looks like a way better option.
(Before you comment, please don’t tell me to just “love myself” or “focus on myself” more. You do not know me or what efforts I have put into my mental health recovery. Thanks.
So i went to hctm tro adhd, the psychiatrist prescribed ritalin 5mg and told me to follow up in a month to see if the ritalin would help with what (the sadness(?)) im feeling. However i forgot to ask what the diagnosis was. Since i was not familiar with the process i assumed i would get told or it would be written somewhere but from what i can see there’s none. Also does anyone know whether ukm would give gl in this case as it is already semester break (am a ukm student), i got my referral in march and first appointment in august. Any help is appreciated! also how should i start with the ritalin? psychiatrist told me to take when i need to focus, do i have to take note of my reaction to the medicine?
share your story!
Hello, I've previously posted here once seeking help on getting started with ADHD diagnosis.
For the past few months, I've opted to go for a private sector option and finally got my report. Due to overlapping symptoms, the psychologist could not be 100% sure on diagnosing me with ADHD. However, I have also undergone different tests and it turns out I have:
- Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
In the report, the psychologist recommended:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
The above methods fall under psychotherapy, however, he also mentioned that I have several symptoms related to my anxiety that can be controlled with the use of meds, which also means I can opt to see a psychiatrist too.
I would like some recommendations on what's the best course of action and any recommendated hospitals I could go for further treatment? I was informed that the diagnosis report already serves as a recommendation letter, which I'm aware is a prerequisite for most hospitals.
Hi, I know someone who is ruminating and obsessed with not being able to accept that the partner is/was cheating. Every few days, will just drop into the vicious cycle of remembering/ruminating and endlessly hoping the partner will change / trying tk escape the cycle. Depression, lack of sleep, severe anxiety, inability to think straight follows.
I am aware that couples resolve it in different ways like remain married but separated, some divorce, etc.
I feel this person knows the facts, knows what the partner is like but is unable to choose a decision / move forward. Has been hot and cold for almost a year.
I don't think I'm able to help this person, was wondering if any of you have recommendations for psychiatrists/therapists in KL/Selangor that specialises in cases like this?
Ideally not too expensive as I know that will be a massive turn off for the person.
Thanks in advance
hi. korang pernah tak sakitkan orang lain? in my case, waktu asasi, aku pernah jealous dengan sorang classmate aku ni sebab dia buat apa yang aku nak effortlessly. dia study setiap pagi, dia solat tahajjud, and dia pandai academic... aku sangat sangat sangat jealous dengan dia sampai aku buat orang lain palau dia.... satu hari aku nampak dia nangis, and since then aku sedar yang aku ni jahat. and aku mintak maaf and isolate diri aku dari semua orang... sebab aku takut aku akan ulang benda yang sama. and since then, aku selalu try hard nak happykan orang sampai aku let them cross my boundaries... cause im so scared of hurting people again... now aku miserable gila and aku tak tau kat mana aku kena baiki diri aku... maybe ini adalah karma... maybe im sooo obsessed to get chosen... for now aku slow2 belajar untuk gembira dengan kejayaan orang lain, get inspired instead of iri hati, dan cuba baiki diri aku... but my people pleasing habit stay and aku melampau-lampau nak puaskan hati orang sebab aku takut aku buat benda yang sama time asasi... honestly, it's not my first time. aku dah buat benda ni since, sekolah rendah lagi... and aku keep on going to my past and remind diri sendiri untuk jadi baik or i'll be a bad person. help me... aku dah tak tau siapa diri aku
Hello guys, I need help for registering on counselling help and I was wondering if I can get free or minimum charge from PPUM as I am a University Malaya student. I don’t mind the drive, I just really want help to stop me and my head hurting.
I've been planning to make the call for an appointment at Mentari, but every time I stare at that phone number, I keep hesitating, stalling again and again. It went for days, then weeks, then months.
I keep thinking about how to explain, what to say, what I should bring, what to expect, who will I meet, how to reach out... the questions are endless and by the time I attempt to make a call it is too late, the clinic is already closed and tadaaaa is the weekend. Now I gotta wait again for weekdays to arrive and I usually get occupied at school until 3pm and I forget or become too tired to make a call.
You might think “just call lah why so hard?” guhh it's hard when I don't know what to say or explain my condition. Sometimes I think “is my case serious enough for this?” or “maybe I am just stressed right now, it'll go away” but everyone around me keeps telling me I need therapy by how I talk and act. And yes I agree.
But guhh the fear always keeps me from making the first call. It's always “maybe tomorrow...maybe next week....maybe after I finished studying” and I never get to make that call. Guhhh how exactly do people make the call so easily?
TL;DR I'm only able to afford treatment from trainee psychologists at the moment. I'd like to know if they're allowed to do diagnosis (with supervision from a registered psychologist)?
Context is below:
- I'm diagnosed with severe depression from a psychiatrist at a government hospital since young, and I'm still getting treatment from their, albeit slowly (every 2 months).
- The govt psychiatrist I visited claimed to have registered me with a psychologist and counsellor at a nearby MENTARI and klinik kesihatan respectively, so I can get an assessment for other mental conditions and talk therapy. He told me to call them to ask.
- I've been calling them over the past 6 months, and they tell me to keep waiting because their waiting list is full, and that they'll contact me over WhatsApp if I receive a slot.
- I'm hopeless about waiting any longer for government treatment, but I'm broke. I've decided that I want to try private trainee psychologist / counselling services, on top of my govt psychiatrist visits and antidepressant medication.
- My main worry is whether trainee psychologists are able to "legally" diagnose me, and if any future results and referral letters they may give (e.g. diagnosis results) is considered reliable by my psychiatrist, for them to change or add to my medication if needed.
Would appreciate the advice given for my situation as well. Thanks so much!
Hi, I’m currently having a hard time with my mental health. I’m going to therapy and on medication but sometimes I feel like I’m a danger to myself and I’ve been thinking about checking into the psych ward.
Something that is holding me back is the condition of the place. I’m aware they will
confiscate your electronic devices and hold
you with other patients who may not be in the same state mind as you.
Personally I’ve never been to a psych ward, only the ER. Has anyone ever been to one? All the ones I’ve read online are from overseas, so this would be of great help. Thanks
I've been dealing with some very rough personal issue (i don't want to talk much about it) and it left me feeling down and hopeless for couple of weeks now. I've tried to heal myself by doing something I love. While I'm able to function well in school and hobbies, unfortunately I still feel nothing but sadness and loneliness. Its draining, it's so draining to be around people. I hate myself, and I hate everyone. It gets to the point I've been having shortness of breath and chest pain, probably due to overwhelming stress and anxiety. I've tried some method to ease myself and my body, but now it came back and I just wanted to cry and cry. Not to mention I've been having some couple of suicidal ideation. I've barely talk to people, talk to them about my problem.
Now I'm writing this with another episode of chest pain and shortness of breath, I feel so overwhelmed. I wanted to see a doctor for this, but idk how to explain my condition. Everything feel so overwhelmed and I just wanna curled up and never want to wake up again.
My mind is so scrambled so sorry if my vent makes no sense. If anyone has an advice regarding going to see a doctor, it would be helpful.