I (23F) think I need to leave my gf (22F)
I have been with my gf for 3 1/2 years and I think I need to leave her. She blows up on me (yelling, hitting/punching, kicking, spitting) whenever she is upset with anything or when she is anxious. I am honestly so scared of her and I want to leave but I don’t know how to and I am scared to leave. She has cut me off from my family and will get angry if I try to talk to them or mention anything about them. My family has tried to reach out but I am not allowed to answer. Anytime we argue, she turns it all on me and blames me even if it isn’t my fault, I do know that some of our arguments are my fault but not to the extent she is convincing me they are. She has dragged me by my hair from our room to the bathroom, then repeatedly punched me in the face (we don’t have cameras in the bathroom like we do every other room). I have been in the hospital/hospitalized 3 times due to the abuse and every time I have had to lie about why I am in the hospital. I want to go home to my family but I am scared that my family won’t believe me or won’t want me back with them. My gf and I have 2 dogs together and one of them is attached at the hip to me, but I don’t know what I would do with the dogs if I left, I don’t know if I can bring them or not. We are also living together and are both on our lease and so I don’t know how to deal with that part as well. My gf makes me promise her everyday that I won’t leave her and will get upset if I don’t promise, so I do so we won’t argue. I feel terrible leaving her because I do love her, but I don’t feel safe and I am not sure if I am in love with her anymore. I don’t have any pictures of any bruises or scars she has left/gave me because she will go through my phone and if I have any pictures like that then she will get mad. I never get any alone time, I have to be on the phone with her whenever we are not together. I am not allowed to have a job, finish school, or drive anywhere unless it is for her. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel defeated and I am constantly thinking about what my life would be like if I wasn’t in this relationship anymore.
I am sorry everything is so all over the place, this is the first time I have typed any of this out or tried to speak about it and so it is just a lot all at once.