u/ActiveAcid

I’ll try and make this as consise as possible.

I was diagnosed with borderline pd as a teenager. It was hard to deal with but over the years with enough research I became very self aware, and with age, I am able to control my symptoms now without medication.

My boyfriend however, has not. He just recently got his diagnosis after I forced him to see a doctor. We have been together for right over a year, and day to day, he is the kindest, most beautiful intelligent soul I know, genuinely. I’m a cancer & he’s a scorpio (which makes this even harder imo).

When he splits though - it’s terrifying. We live alone together at my house, and he’s triggered by the smallest things sometimes. He’s a big guy (he’s 6ft, i’m 5ft) - and his explosions of anger have already put holes in walls & doors in my house, he’s jumped from my moving car almost killing himself, and has gotten physical with me (not punching me or anything- but pushing me hard til i fall or cornering me screaming). His episodes happen atleast once or twice a month. His medication isn’t working yet. During these episodes I just try and make myself small as possible and keep my tone low but that doesn’t usually work. His eyes change, his face changes.. It’s like watching a possession, and a mirror of my younger self but scarier.

After an episode he is so apologetic and embarrassed. I know how it feels bc I used to be the same way. But it still feels dangerous because he’s so big .. I love him, we are eachothers favorite person of course. But I just don’t know what to do when he gets that way. Advice?