u/ActualEcho680

Yesterday, I set a boundary with my pwBPD that he cannot call me a narcissist/NPD without a diagnosis moving forward and I gave him an ultimatum that I'd like to end our relationship if he does that again or if he truly believes I am a narc. I owned all of my poor communication, harmful behavior that I'm not proud of, everything negative I've brought to the relationship and apologized. This conversation took several hours, over text, phone, and a walk. There was a lot of gaslighting and redirecting but after many hours he said he would not do this anymore and he admitted that he says this to hurt me and shut me down. Initially he lashed out saying he wasn't going on our vacation planned a few months ago and I had said fine, I'm happy to go alone with the kids. Of course he mentions off hand today that we need to sort out the pets and is pretending everything is fine and normal.

I just need encouragement not to cave or forget this boundary. Do I write out like a plaque "Wife does not have NPD" and put it on the fridge 😂

My pwBPD seems like a completely different person and not in a good way. After starting meds he cries all the time for minor things. He has emotional meltdowns at least once a week. His face and body posture have changed. He put on a ton of weight (this I discovered is due to an eating disorder which he has been hiding). He actually like has a kind of pained grimace on his face most of the time or a dopey slack jawed expression. His accent has changed. His physical energy/aura is different. I feel crazy lol. He's claiming he's unmasking, so is this the "real" him? I used to find him so incredibly attractive and now I'm repulsed. Am I just seeing him clearly after getting therapy to disentangle myself or have you also experienced this with your pwBPD?

Another year goes by (this is year 7 of being a mother) where my husband has gaslit me into thinking some grand romantic gesture will happen and then actually just avoided me on the day and then an explosive argument ensues when I call attention to this. This year he strategically pretended to be working on something--like "hid" it from me while he was working on it in common living areas 😂--turns out it was a small doodle of a flower bouquet and a completely unreadable letter on the back (he claims he's trying out cursive handwriting, but it literally looks like a bunch of aggressively slanted spikes). He's now telling me that I don't understand how much he suffers daily, crying on the phone to me in the middle of the work day, saying that he is suicidal for feeling like a failure/bad partner. When I try to share how sad and depressed I feel that he can't acknowledge me on special days (no birthday gift, no valentines day acknowledgement, no acknowledgement of even deaths in my family, etc etc) he goes ballistic saying that I treat him like garbage every day and when will he get accountability from me about my horrid behavior towards him (i.e. asking him to clean the bed after he had a stomach bug two weeks so I can return to sleeping in our bed). I have so much emotional whiplash and I'm absolutely exhausted. Feeling like an idiot for thinking this year would be different--made so many excuses for special dates already so far--because he's in therapy. I need to strategically plan to be away from him and celebrate myself and our children on these types of holidays from now on.

I literally cried myself to sleep last night listening to All is Full of Love by Bjork. Sending care to all.

I feel so much despair and helplessness. I am becoming a mirror of my pwBPD partner. He was my first and only real relationship (I had someone else tell me they loved me once and I couldn't give them a chance because I was in love with my current partner) and we've been married for 13 years, the lovebomb anniversary (lol) was 18 years ago. I just feel like a shell of who I was and I have nothing left. I'm so scared no one will ever love me and that I'm actually as terrible as he says I am. I need help and I want to get out. we have a child and a home (that I bought, but it's in both our names) and I'm mentally trapped. I don't know what to do.