Is this limerence?
I dont personally think it is, but I wanted to get more opinions on it, and considering there's a whole subreddit to this, I felt like asking. Here's the story.
I'm 21 years old, and I've never received any confirmation of being desirable from girls in my life.
A few months ago, I approached a girl at university for the first time, and within a few weeks (during which we attended classes together), I started developing feelings for her and fell in love with her...
I realized it when, thinking about her, I would start smiling, I would feel lots of tenderness, a need for closeness, a very, very strong affection, how I would be very sensitive to everything about her.
I also cried a few times (which is extremely rare for me) when I felt particularly undesirable to her.
And all of this happened when, until not long before, I had been in a borderline apathetic state (not that it's any different now, except in the moments involving her).
Over time, I also started checking her Instagram activity status frequently. Seeing her last active time gave me a strange sense of closeness and security, while seeing her online at certain late-night hours had the opposite effect. It's something I never imagined I'd do.
Trying to analyze the reason, I think it's mainly because of her appearance (she's just perfect, I've never seen a more beautiful girl) and partly because of her personality (even though she makes me very anxious, at the same time she gives me a sense of calm, tranquility, and protection).
In terms of compatibility, unfortunately there wasn't really a click between us (I'd even say we're slightly incompatible in some ways), except for the last few times (when talking to her was almost at the level of a friendship). This, combined with the fact that I was incredibly inferior to her in terms of looks (I'm an average/slightly above-average-looking guy), always made me feel like there were no chances from the start.
Then, looking back, I never received any positive romantic signals from her either.
I feel like I'm in the "practically impossible" zone romantically.
Socially, on the other hand (using what I imagine her thoughts would be): "He's someone I enjoy spending time with, but not enough to have the desire or motivation to find a way to deepen the relationship. If an opportunity comes naturally, fine; otherwise, nothing."
On top of that (even though she didn't make it particularly explicit, and only did so after quite a while), she has a boyfriend.
And judging from her reposts, I'm not her type at all.
To give an idea of how much this situation sucks, I've even dreamed about having back-and-forth chats with her on Instagram. Completely normal chats, I want to emphasize—nothing inappropriate or anything like that. I feel so far away from her that even just that would make me feel completely different.
All of this makes me feel good, because for the first time in a long while I finally feel some positive emotions. And it also makes me feel bad, because knowing that I have no chance with her gives me a sense of being undesirable (I couldn't even manage to have a chance) and of loss (to me, she's one of a kind).