Therapists dont understand
i think of the toughest parts of having CPTSD for me is the fact that you could do all the things right, distance yourself from the abusers, stay sober (if that helps you), go to therapy, feel the bad feelings.
and still feel like shit.
Every therapist i’ve gone to has had a difficult time understanding what exactly it is i’m going through.
I don’t have a happy, safe place from my childhood to visualize, i don’t have a sense of self before the trauma. My entire personality has been built around surviving and people pleasing the adults around me to ensure i suffered the least amount possible.
Growing up, the little bit of relief/freedom i had was spent on the internet, or reading books i could lose myself in.
It’s hard to explain to a therapist that i’m not recovering from a single event, but from almost 2 decades of continuous abuse but also that i don’t know myself without it.
The depression, disassociation, hyper vigilance, and disconcerting from relationships is never ending. I just want someone to hear my out and understand my experience so i feel less alone in it.