u/AdGeneral6479

For context: we dated for almost a year, and she broke up with me because I was very neglectful, I lied to her, and I did not reciprocate the love that she gave me. In truth, I did love her, and I still do. But during that time, I hated myself more than I loved her. And that led me to constantly neglect her and downplay her pain when all she wanted was to love me and have me love her and make her feel loved and beautiful. Obviously, like any self-respecting woman she left me.

Nine months later… she reaches out to me saying that she missed me as a friend and did not want to rekindle a romantic relationship. I felt that it was only fair that I’d be honest with her, and I told her that I never moved past her that I still loved her. That didn’t end well, and that made me be way too eager, and it all spilled out when I had a rather emotional monologue about how much I loved her. We went back to no contact.

During this time, I did not contact her, never even viewed her stories on Instagram, but she still followed me and would view all of my stories.

Five months later… She reaches out again, apologizing for snapping at me and said that she felt overwhelmed. And I apologize to her about making her feel overwhelmed. We were talking fairly consistently for a few days when all of a sudden her responses became slow. During that time we even hung out and it was fun! She even mentioned that she listened to a song, our song, that made her want to reach out to me, but was hesitant. She also mentioned that she misses this soup that I used to make for her.

We had originally made plans to go see a movie, but as that day was coming up, she started feeling sick. I had told her that if she thinks a movie is too much for her, I’d love to have her over for dinner and I can make her that soup and we can watch a movie that she’s always been wanting to watch. She says “I actually forgot that I made plans that day.” which is fine… but then her responses became very one note, super delayed, and she doesn’t really talk to me. It’s been about a day since I last spoke with her, and it was regarding a photo of My Dog that I sent to her. My last message to her was asking her if she’d want to go hiking, something that she had recently told me she’s been really wanting to do.

I guess I’m just very confused by this. Why would she reach out only to kind of give me the cold shoulder? Am I being tested? There is no way she doesn’t know how I feel about her, but I have not pushed it this time. I do want to be hers again and I am committing to taking this at her pace since I was the one who wronged her in the first place. What do I do? How much is too much? How little is too little?

Edit: at this point, we have been broken up longer than we have been together and we still keep coming back to each other.

About a year ago, my ex dumped me. I deserved it, I was very neglectful, distant, and emotionally unavailable. To keep it short... I hated myself more than I loved her and I self sabotaged to the max. I didn't love her the way she wanted to be loved, I downplayed her boundaries, and I made her feel like I didn't love her. (Which wasn't true.)

 

Fast forwards 6 months. She reaches out to me, saying she missed me as a friends and did not want to rekindle a romantic relationship. I felt that I should be honest. I told her that I never moved on after her. That I did heal, I changed and am not at all even a little bit like the man I used to be (self reflection, therapy, etc.)  I apologized for the way I treated her and reassured her that she did not deserve to be treated the way she was. I owned up to my neglect, betrayal, and the pain I caused her. Still, she only wanted friendship. I couldn't handle it. When I saw her for the first time all those emotions came flooding in. I loved her. I still do. I couldn't contain it and essentially cried on the phone damn near begging to have her back. Well, that didn't go well. I broke her boundaries again. Back to no contact.

 

I respected her space. Never tried again. Never even viewed her stories on IG. Completely erased myself from her life. Fast forward 5 months, she reaches out again. She apologizes and says she felt overwhelmed. I apologized for overwhelming her. She mentioned that a certain song, our song, played at a concert she went to and had to fight the urge to message me. Said she missed a certain dish I used to make for her. We talked for a few days, saw each other eventually and went to see a movie that we had to leave early because she wasn't feeling well. But nonetheless it was a good time. I felt like we were hanging out and having fun like we used to.

 

She felt bad about having to leave early and offered to go again next weekend and that she'd pay for her ticket this time. Coolio. Next weekend rolls around I told her that if she didn't feel like she was recovered enough for a movie theater that I'd love to make the dish for her. She said she forgot about plans she had made that day. That's fine. We talked about a I told her I had to sleep early and said I was happy she was feeling better and that I hoped to see her soon. She "hearted" the message. Haven't heard from her since.

 

I am confused by this whole thing. What does this mean? There's no way she doesn't know how I feel about her. I don't know what to do. I want to be with her again but I also want to go at her pace. When do I message her again? How much is too much? How little it too little? She was very much a "right person, wrong time" type of partner to me. What do?