ive always felt inferior for being female
//CW: talk about SA (not an experience)
(i dont know if i chose the right flair and im sorry if its wrong)
im really sorry if i ramble and if im dramatic its just late and i need to get this off my chest. i’ll probably delete this in the morning out of shame and embarrassment. these feelings have only been toward myself and not toward any other women. i don’t hate men either. im sorry if this reads as sexist, i’m not and i never meant to be, im just feeling really bad right now
i’ve (18f) hated myself for being female for a long time. it started when i was probably around 11 years old when my dad would constantly bring up the biological differences between men and women, like how women are weaker and more emotional (i dont believe the latter), and he’d just keep rubbing it in. and since my family is religious i learned that women were meant to submit to their husbands and weren’t allowed to speak over men. it didn’t help that around this time i was on the internet, exposing myself to misogyny, porn, and learning what rape was. so at this age i learned that half the population would always 1, be stronger than me and 2, want my body, and therefore any man could always overpower me and take that if he really wanted to. (and of course it’s not all men, probably not even most men, but i was young). i started to genuinely believe that i was unlucky from the moment i was concieved for being the biologically ‘inferior‘ sex, and that i would never have a true purpose since apparently the only thing women could do better than men was giving birth, which is something that i will never do.
so because of all this, i developed a fear of male genitalia (ridiculous i know), to the point where i still have nightmares about them to this day. i dont think i could ever have a boyfriend because i doubt i’d ever be able to handle that certain power dynamic, and the thought of ever having sex with a man makes me feel insanely uncomfortable.
unrelated to the sexual parts, i think i’m even scared of my dad and brother sometimes. i flinch whenever i see them unexpectedly (but even when i hear them coming) and i really dont know why. i dont know whats wrong with me. i’ve never ever been abused or anything like that. i have no idea what’s wrong with me.
i just really really hate being female. i hate always being weaker, and being seen as more emotional or stupid. i hate being seen as someone whos only good for childbirth, cooking, or cleaning. i hate being seen as someone who will change her mind on not wanting kids one day, because im stupid and young and every woman will want them at some point. i hate knowing that i could get pregnant and there’s nothing i could ever do about it because abortion is completely illegal where i live. i hate seeing women get degraded in porn. i hated being 16 years old and finding out a male classmate was stalking me. i hate the thought of a man jerking off to me. i hate seeing other women minding their own business being sexualized by others. i hate hearing about women being mistreated by their partners. i hate how female chests are sexualized while male chests aren’t. i just hate everything about being female and wish i was born male, because at least they’re seen as their own people and don’t have to worry about pregnancy
i just wish that i could feel good about being female for once, i still really cant think of a single biological advantage we have over men.