u/AdMediocre15

My boyfriend (M29) and I(F29) have been dating for about 6 months but a few months ago he said something to me that caused me to nearly breakup with him. We were drunk at a birthday party of one of my best friends and one of my friends (who is constantly fucking around and saying bullshit -- he's funny and just like the class clown of the group) asks the table, "which one would you fuck?" pointing to the TV screen of people singing Karaoke at the front of the room (random strangers, but sometimes this friend says things to fill a lull).
My boyfriend didn't understand that he was joking in that way and it wasn't a real question, also new to the group and didn't understand this friend very well at this point. He then asked the same thing and I responded, "none of them", not wanting to play the game because it's weird. He pressed a bit more and then said, "okay well who at the table would you fuck?", which I responded, "None, they're my friends?", and he seemed to really want me to answer the question or something but I then asked him, "which one of your friends would you fuck?" and he actually had an answer... without hesitating, he answered "Bella" (name changed obviously, but wanted to add, my boyfriend is italian and so is this friend he went to uni with.)
I was soo pissed and we got in a fight immediately and he knew he fucked up. He claims he was just playing the game but this is the only girl friend of his I've not met and it felt like he just said what he thought when he was sober but accidentally slipped out when he was drunk.

That was back in early February and now we are at the end of May. There was an instance where she had called and I asked, "Oh who is that?", and he said her name and immediately I was angry. We talked about it after because I was clearly mad, and he noticed, but I wasn't ready to communicate that yet so I let him know that I felt weird but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet because I need to find a way to say it. Then he asked, "Is it about Bella?" to which I immediately responded yes. We spoke about how committed he is to me and everything he does it to prove he wants a future with me and it was just a stupid comment he made he didn't mean when he was drunk, but I can't shake it. I've tried to work through it but it really annoys me when he talks to her on the phone around me. He was on the phone with her once and she said we could stay with her if we ever wanted to come visit the city she lives in and I was so cold and standoffish which I felt bad about because she's not done anything to me, she has no idea my boyfriend made this comment and now I just look like the bitch gf.
I've never been a insecure girl but this is the only girl friend of his he facetimes and she also calls him. He doesn't consider her his best friends but one of them. Maybe it's because I'm American and I don't understand the super friendly relationship (maybe too friendly) with the "amo" which all italians call each other so that i don't care about, but also he just answered the phone saying "baby!" ????? You're not speaking to me? tf
Before this comment, he said he wanted to go to take a trip with his friends to this city (the one she lives in) for his birthday and when I asked if I was included, he said, "No, I just want to have a trip with just me and my friends." Which, totally fair, we don't have to do everything together but add that on to the comment, I'm thinking weird things obviously.
Now, it's been months since the comment, we live together, we are going on trips together, I spent a lot of time with his family and went to his hometown, and everything is fine in our relationship but this keeps coming up.
Now, he decided the other day to go on a friend vacation with just this girl(I do want to add that she has a bf who she lives with as well), another girl friend i met and loved, and his best friend (who is gay). I don't want to have any issues with him doing whatever he wants in his life, but now I feel so uneasy about him going for 9 days to a surf and yoga camp and 2 days in Marrakech before. He asked me if I was happy for him to go on a vacation with his friends but I couldn't fake it. I would love for him to go on any vacation he wants with his friends but with a girl he said he would have sex with? I feel like any reasonable person would have an issue with this but I don't know how to approach it. I don't want to seem jealous but it does make me uncomfortable how he talks to her and also the fact that they're on the phone right now talking about their vacation together and everything they will do together and showing him clothes she's going to pack for a trip that's in 3 months meanwhile we have a trip planned in 5 days and I asked if we could talk about it and plan some things today but he is busy talking to her.
I guess I just need to get some neutral advice because we are such a good team and both of our futures line up perfectly and we are best friends, but I don't want to overlook something so glaring and in my face and then 5, 10 years down the line be kicking myself because I ignored my feelings. Thank you <3