u/AdMelodic9750

Yo (31F) conocí a un chico (33M) de Holanda. Estuvimos juntos unos meses, luego él se fue, pero durante un año siguió viniendo y volviendo a verme. Me presentó a su mamá, amigos, se quedaba en mi casa y honestamente me trataba como si fuera su pareja.
La última vez que vino, le dije que me sentía mal por cómo actuaba conmigo frente a sus amigos, más distante. También descubrí que había hecho una despedida con su mamá y amigos y no me invitó. Ahí me dijo que lo nuestro era solo “diversión y sexo” y que sí, me veía de forma superficial.
Después desapareció dos semanas, volvió a aparecer en mi casa, pasó la noche y me dijo que ahora quería estar más “detached” emocionalmente conmigo. Luego se fue otra vez y no me habló más.
Me cuesta entender cómo alguien puede actuar como pareja durante tanto tiempo y después decir que nunca lo vio de forma seria.

How do you tell the difference between someone genuinely wanting a relationship and someone who only wants emotional/physical benefits without commitment?

I (31F) met a guy (33M) from the Netherlands. We were together for 3 months at first, then he left the country, but he kept coming back to see me. This went on for about a year.

During that time, he introduced me to his mom on one of his trips, stayed at my house, we slept together, spent a lot of time together, and he introduced me to some of his friends too. Honestly, he treated me like a girlfriend most of the time.

The last time he came, he told me he was traveling with a friend, but he added 3 extra days to the trip just to spend time with me before his friend arrived because they were going to explore another city together afterward.

During those 3 days, we went out together, but 2 out of the 3 days I told him I didn’t like the way he acted around his friends. I felt like he became more distant and less affectionate when they were there.

In one conversation with his friends, I also found out that during his previous trip he had a farewell party with them and his mom, and I wasn’t invited. That hurt me a lot.

Then he told me that we were together because “we just wanted to have fun and sex.” I asked him if he only saw me on a superficial level, and he said yes.

The next day he left. We didn’t speak for 2 weeks.

Then suddenly he came back again, showed up at my house with his bags, spent the night, and told me he was staying for 2 more weeks, but that now he wanted to be more “detached” from me emotionally. After that, he left and hasn’t contacted me again.

I genuinely thought he wanted something real with me because of the way he treated me for such a long time. He kept coming back, stayed at my place, we had a very strong connection and intimacy, and I felt emotionally involved.

Now I feel confused because after I expressed my discomfort and feelings, he suddenly became cold and distant.

I’d really like to hear other perspectives on situations like this, because I’m struggling to understand whether I misread everything or whether some people enjoy relationship-like intimacy without actually wanting commitment.