i'm so sick of my father
[vent / might delete later]
i'm 23f if that matters. just had a small fight (if you can call it that) with my asshole of a father and i'm feeling very shitty right now. already madhyanam nundi headache saavadengthunde before all this sodhi, and he literally came to my room to tell me that ma mother annam pettindi ochi dinner thinu ani,,, like he knew i came out to eat and he literally heard me washing my hands, and he chose that exact moment to tell me to feed my dog. nen food pettanu dobbey ani kuda anale nenu, all i did was click my tongue/tsk and that's it, he started fucking yelling at me
first he immediately went "sare pettaku vaadiki food aithe" "annitiki visukkuntav oka chinna pani kuda cheppalem" etc and he went fucking somewhere with it? i didnt even say a thing to defend myself (like you dumbass mf i was literally washing my hands so i could go and eat. you want me to touch dog food, sit there until my dog eats and drinks water, change and refill his water bowls, wipe his mouth and then wash my hands again before finally sitting down to eat—adhedho ma father eh cheyyachu kada nen thinadaniki kurchuntunna ani thelsi kuda? or literally 2 mins ago aa pani cheppi dobbinchkovachu kada) and just sat down and started eating while he just kept going off about whatever tf. like literally notiki ochindhi kukka la arusthunde and even started taking his anger out on my dog by yelling at him too
by the time he left me alone i was already so close to tears (frustrated and angry ones endukante thinatappud penta pedthe naaku masth baadha esthadi man bcs can't even fucking eat in peace) and from across the room he goes "inko saari *tsk* annav ante pallu raalagodtha chepthunna",,, i still ate but after he left i was crying for the most part while he just went back to watching tv like nothing happened. the headache is still there but i'm in my room rn and i still cant get my tears to stop bcs this is just so damn exhausting
like genuinely what the fuck is his issue bro. fucking eppudu idhe lolli panchayati. he fucking takes any small chance to pick "fights" with me and ruin my entire day
i know if i say anything back/try to defend myself it'll get worse and so every time the most i do is make a sound and even that is a fucking problem for some reason
like a couple weeks ago, he wanted one of my two sims from my phone for some net banking stuff. i had just woken up (pretty late, maybe 10 am) and was still in bed when he came and asked. i took that sim tray ejector pin from him, rendu sims ki okate network provider btw (tokka lo bsnl), so we didn't know which one was the one he needed and which one was the primary one with the phone number i use. usually when you check the sim card status in settings, sim 1 is properly mine, sim 2 is the one i use for online transactions. but on the sim card tray, you obviously cant tell which physical sim card is which kada. inka we removed one anyway and put the other one back in
literally all i did was take a fucking second to unlock my phone and check the status bar at the top, to see which one of the two signal strength bars or whatever those are called, was gone. like i was expecting one to be full, and one empty if that makes sense. instead, it just showed one icon with all four bars, so there was no way of telling which sim was still active
so i open the settings to check what phone number the sim card was displaying instead, and in those 10-ish seconds of basic troubleshooting, he goes "rojantha phone vaadthavu, malli eh sim needho kuda thelidu.." and again, i tsked but didnt say anything, and to that ???? he just goes "visukkoku nuvvu,,, ee kopam toh ne nee life antha naasanam cheskunnav" (which first of all, literally what the fuck are you talking about? like projection much? like yeah my life is fucked but it's not bcs i have anger management issues??)
i think i groaned slightly if i remember correctly and was like "abbaa enduk nuvvu levagane modhaledthav,,, oka 10 seconds aagaleva while i check" (again, i didnt wanna explain why i was taking soooo long paapum bcs then he'd find a way to make me feel stupid and insult my intelligence) and before i could finish that sentence he started fucking yelling at me? i literally dont even remember what he said, that's how much i tried to block this memory out
anyway. turns out we took out the wrong sim, so i put that back (i remember that simple task of inserting that thin ass sim tray back took me 4-5 tries bcs my hands were shaking for some reason) and gave him the right one, and he left. but i stayed there for at least 40 mins while i cried bcs idek. it's a very helpless and shitty feeling and even typing all this out feels very stupid/trivial but i couldn't help but feel... exhausted ig. i only left my room after i made sure he left the house and went to office but yea. akkada unnantha sepu my brain kept replaying the interaction over and over bcs there was no resolution and that's why the crying was seemingly endless no matter how many times i started to calm down a little
it's so fucking tiring every time bcs if i explain myself he'll mock me, if i defend myself it'll escalate, if i show irritation it becomes “proof” about my character and so i stay silent even though i don't want to, and just absorb everything,,, as if i'm quietly agreeing with his bullshit and admitting it's all my fault by doing that and i fucking hate it so much
don't even know how to end this. it's so draining living like this. sorry about the long post if you read the whole thing. if you didn't, good choice
ps. i can't see a single comment. just one, and daani kindha na replies kuda osthale. gg reddit.