Stimulant/drug dependence, high-pressure finance career, and scared to change course - looking for advice from others who’ve been through it
Posting on throwaway account, but could really use some help from anyone who’s been through a similar situation. I feel lost right now. Thank you for all that respond in advance.
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30yo male working in investment banking since 2022, located in San Francisco (if helpful for context/if anyone has any recommended resources in the area). I started taking 20 mg XR Adderall in 2020 as prescribed for ADHD, but over the past few years since I switched careers, my use has escalated. I’ve been taking more than prescribed, running out early, and supplementing with pressed pills sold as amphetamines. I’ve reached a point where I’m relying on stimulants to keep up with the demands of my job, upwards of 60-70mg/day.
More recently, I used Klonopin 4-5/days a week for about the past five months to cope with stress/anxiety (not prescribed), and stopped last week. I’ve been experiencing manageable withdrawal symptoms, but it’s really forced me to take a hard look at my situation. This is now my third stint with benzos since 2021, and I can just see the writing on the wall with where this could go if I don’t stop now.
I’ve only told my sister about everything this week, and I’m preparing to be fully honest with my fiancée who gets back from a work trip tonight. She knows about my Adderall prescription, but not the full extent of my drug usage.
The biggest complication with all this is work. I have a substantial bonus coming at the end of February, and I’m getting married in April. That money is important to our wedding plans and potential house purchase. I’ve worked incredibly hard to get where I am, and I’m scared that if I stop relying on stimulants/drugs, I won’t be able to perform at the level my job requires.
I know I need professional help, and I’m contemplating speaking openly with my psychiatrist and asking them for guidance. I’m struggling with the fear of losing access to medication, damaging my career, and having to give up financial goals I’ve worked toward for years.
For those who’ve been through stimulant/drug dependence, particularly in demanding careers:
- What made you realize you had a problem?
- How did you share with your partner or other family members/friends?
- Did you tell your psychiatrist or other physician about your problem? Were they actually helpful? Did they cut you off your stimulant prescription?
- How did you handle the fear of being unable to perform at work without stimulants/other drugs?
- Did you have to leave your job or take extended leave, or were you able to recover while staying employed?
Truly appreciate any perspectives that anyone has to offer. Thanks so much.