u/AdRemote1408

So my FIL died a while back, resulting in my MIL moving abroad to live with her children. She primarily lives with her other son, but stays at my husband's and my house for 1-2 weeks every month. I don't enjoy these visits for several reasons. First off, we live in an open-space 1-bedroom apartment, so the bathroom and the bedroom are the only places where I don't have to constantly interact with her (but staying in my bedroom, or going there "too early" is automatically considered rude). I also can't use my headphones or my phone for too long because again, it's considered rude. Secondly, she comes from a very family-oriented culture, so she tends to take over the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. when she visits. I know that her heart is in the right place and that she genuinely wants to help, but I find it too overbearing. It feels like my daily routines are thrown out the window. Not to mention that it takes me HOURS to clean and "reclaim" my space after each visit. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely have empathy for her situation, and I cannot imagine how difficult it is for her to move somewhere completely foreign and adapt to a new language and culture at the age of 60. However, her well-being cannot come at my expense. We have worked incredibly hard to be where we are, and I don't think it's fair that she gets to play house in our home. It's become too much for me, and I can tell they feel the tension too. Instead of focusing on the actual problem, they believe something is "wrong" with me, and that I am just purposefully cold towards her. I am just an introverted person, and I don't easily feel comfortable around people, so when she's here, I tend to withdraw and be quiet. It's nothing personal, although I can definitely feel some resentment building.

For some context, I was raised in a European country, so I find living with in-laws (or anybody that isn't core family) off-putting. I have had countless conversations with my husband about this, and I finally felt that he could understand my perspective. I was wrong. He invited her over once again and informed me she would stay 3 days. Upon her arrival, I was informed that she would, in fact, stay for one week. Now, it may seem dramatic, but I had mentally prepared myself for 3 days, so one week seems like a big deal. This is something I've discussed with him over and over again - It's okay to invite her over sometimes, but he needs to be clear and honest about the duration of the stay (and it shouldn't exceed a certain number of days). I cannot cope with the situation if there is no end date. It's also more bearable if the visits occur every few months, but it's a monthly occurrence. Every time she leaves, I start anticipating the next visit, so I am in a constant state of stress. At this point, I don't know what to do anymore. Having conversations is clearly not working. Apart from this, we're super happy in our marriage, so it seems almost "silly" to split over something like this. I feel so trapped. What should I do?