r/FamilyIssues

I don't know if this is the right sub reddit, but anyways

So I have a 7 year old son and for 5 years I didn't let him touch video games or phones unless it very important and when he turned 6 I gave him minecraft on his birthday and i played with him form when I was done with work every day we had an great minecraft world and he had even started to show his creativity outside of minecraft like in arts, then on his 7th Birthday I gave him bloons td 6 and he loved it so we play minecraft for 1 week then bloons td for 1 week but for a month now my wife has been telling me that the games are "ruining his mind" and etc, i try to explain but she isn't listening So what should I do?

Part 1:

I honestly believe there could be a healthy destination, but I’m driving in the direction of disaster. In order to tell you where I’m at, I have to tell you where I came from.

When I was a child, my mother and the man believed to be my father got a divorce after a DNA test revealed I wasn’t his kid. When I became old enough to ask questions, my mom said they had made a mistake and that she would one day clear it up. I believed this until I became a teenager and started asking more questions. That’s when she told me that if it wasn’t the believed father, then she truly didn’t know who my real father was.

Questioning her and the life she lived hard enough for her to be so confused about the father of her child wasn’t easy, but I had to apply pressure. She eventually suggested an ancestry kit. I wasn’t really interested because, deep down, I wanted concrete answers. Who is my dad?

I reluctantly took the ancestry test and found distant family members. I wasn’t impressed, and honestly, I walked away from it. My mom, however, became invested. She asked for my account information and said she would take the puzzle pieces from there because she felt it was only right. It tainted our strong relationship because this information had the potential to change everything for both of us.

Eventually, she came back with information, but it was still blurry. She found relatives who believed they knew family in our state with the last name “Johnson.” We had never heard that last name before, and that was it — back at square one, back to confusion and unanswered questions. At that point, I felt like I was just picking at a wound.

About two years later, one random night, I got the urge to find my dad myself. I eventually came across a group similar to Reddit where people were trying to find lost family members. I posted my story, and a buddy of mine — who I didn’t even know was in the group — picked up on the age and city references I had made. Before that, I had only told him vague “I got dad issues” type of details.

After messaging me privately and realizing it was actually me, he told me about how he had been adopted and found his biological family through that same group. Then he said, “Hold on one second, I’ll put you in a group chat with the couple who helped me.”

This couple had admin privileges through Ancestry and allowed me to share my profile with them. They immediately got to work. By the next morning, they had answers.

They told me they had found my biological grandfather and grandmother on my paternal side. One of their children was my father, but they needed my mom to identify which one. Ugh… here we go again.

On top of that, my biological grandfather’s last name was “Johnson” — the same last name my mom had mentioned years earlier. So now, I was finally getting somewhere.

I immediately called my mom and asked, “Do you know anyone with this last name?” Since all the children they found shared the same mother, I used my potential grandmother’s last name.

My mom responded, “Yes… yes, I actually do.”

I asked her, “What’s going on? Could this person actually be my dad?”

She answered confidently: “Yes.”

I was shocked. That confident “yes” was insane considering she had spent years telling me she didn’t know — no clues, no leads, nothing.

She explained that, years ago, when she tried to get a DNA test from him, he told her there was “zero chance” because he had worn protection and was certain the child wasn’t his. She believed him and let it go.

So, she contacted a family friend of my now-believed father. Through them, she found out where he was and learned that he was alive and doing well. But while asking questions, the family friend revealed something unexpected:

“My dad’s mom’s name is Jamie Lee, and his father’s name is Curtis Simpson.”

None of that matched the “Johnson” last name connected to my grandfather and the distant cousins we had found, so once again, we were confused.

Then the family friend continued:

“But there’s something nobody knows, and I’m only telling you this for the sake of your son… Curtis Simpson is not his real father. When Jamie Lee was a teenager, she got pregnant by a man named Tony Johnson. She buried the truth and never told her son.”

That was the link.

That was the moment the butterflies started twerking in my stomach.

Now, I not only had to tell this man that I was his long-lost son after more than 20 years… I also had to tell him that the man he believed to be his father wasn’t actually his father at all.

My truth revealed his truth.

Part 2
https://www.reddit.com/r/FamilyIssues/s/sadMj8L6m8

I, (F-18) have a brother, (M-10) who has been shitting his pants his entire life.

He knows how to go to the bathroom but refuses to.
He is not special needs or anything of the sort.
He is not disabled in any way.
He plays baseball, goes to school every day, and has a good social life.
He doesn’t do any of this at school or baseball.
He waits until he gets to the car and then releases.

My mother and grandmother (our caretakers) condone this behavior and tell me off every time I tell him he stinks.

It has gotten to the point where I find pellets of shit on the floor and chairs in my home.

The chairs smell.
The couch smells.
The carpet smells.
The car smells.
Everything smells of shit.

My friends who come to my house refuse to sit on chairs unless they are in MY room.

It has gotten to the point where I get in more trouble for telling him he smells of feces than he does for defecating in his pants and on everything.

He spends all day playing Roblox and poops his pants instead of getting up and going to the bathroom.
I have tried to take away video games, his favorite thing, but when I tried to take them away my mom just changed passwords, made new accounts, etc. (Fixed the problem for him and let him continue this behavior)

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I have told my mom many times that he should be tested for autism — give an excuse for this behavior and find a way to TREAT IT.
My mom won’t do anything.

EDIT: He is unfortunately outgrown child diapers and my mother won’t let him wear the adult ones.
He has to throw away at least three pairs of boxers a week because of the copious amounts of shit in them. My mom can’t keep up with the amount of poop she scrapes out so ends up throwing them away.

Sometimes he throws them in cabinets (the cabinets where I keep my body wash, soap, etc. or behind things and it stinks the entire house up.)

There is a lot more that he does that I don’t want to mention.

AITA for reprimanding my brother and telling my mom she isn’t parenting correctly? I just want a normal brother.

I know this will be a bit of a long rant and im sorry about that.

Hi I'm 18(M) and have recently started getting my scholarship and the money in my bank card has been saving up for when I start my driving lessons and possibly a future car but my parents took it all away. My parents have been super strict since we moved to another country and ever since I have mentioned getting or even applying for a scholarship they have been happy and planning for small vacations I "maybe" would help with or household things like a whole vacuum cleaner and even accessories like bracelets rings earrings which I would buy for them. My mom is a housewife (she stays at home and doesn't work but idk if thats what its called) and my dad is working above minimum wage just enough to not go to extreme every month.

The scholarship I applied for was delayed by a few months and I got the money I was supposed get for all the previous months at once so it was like 6k at the end at once. I wasn't planning on telling them how much I was getting from it because they have been so problematic about the money that first of all doesn't belong to them and doesn't even exist in the first place yet but they somehow saw that I got it and the amount. After I couldn't find my card anywhere I went to confront them and they said they took it because I'm still young and irresponsible with this amount of money I never had. I kinda understood where they were coming from and I sat them down and talked about it but they somehow huult tripped me into not resisting and accepting it as is but after some time of thinking again I confronted them and stood my ground but my mom started crying and almost cursing me because I'm such an ungrateful not supporting child about should help them financially. Some time had still passes and I still can't get my bank card and a few days ago I say a GOLD BRACELET around my moms arm. I didn't question or confront them because there would be no point because I basically am speaking to a wall. Mind you that bracelet is around 2000€.......

I don't want anything done legally like court or smth because I do love my parents but this has gotten out of hand. They give me around 100€ a month for all my expenses. Yes that also includes clothes, food, hobbies, emergencies and all. Idk what to do. Would I be a prick if I did some legal action towards them?

When I was younger I was actually fine , I used to be a straight A student so my parents loved me . I loved them too .

but when i was 14 i started to feel depressed , i couldn't participate in school anymore and my grades started dropping like crazy , I could no longer feel their warmth . My parents and I used to fight and maybe 3 times a year we used to have these massive ones . I remember vividly , one time my dad dragging me and hitting me , he smashed my head against the wall . There were a lot of good memories with him but whenever I look back , I can only recall this .

I messed up a major exam once , it wasn't even due to me not grinding but because I got a fever . I cried like hell , it mattered a lot to me and i screwed it up . I got no empathy from any of my relatives when the results came out just disappointed looks from everyone . I realized that day that their love was conditional .

When I was 16 , it was the peak of my depression - i was also having physical health issues . I could no longer hold it , I tried to end it all . Luckily , it didn't work out . I begged my parents to take me to a therapist , someone anyone at all to help .

They did , but only after a huge fight in which i revealed to my dad that I had attempted . For my mother , therapy was a huge embarrassment . According to her , I was sharing my personal life with a complete stranger instead of her and that was insulting . She indirectly made snarky comments about it and my dad ? well he chose to ignore it completely , if he didn't address it - it didn't exist . My therapist once told them to be quiet around me , I struggled with anxiety and loud noises were extremely triggering, but they never stopped screaming not even once .

The only person I did love at the time was my younger brother , but one day after a fight he told me he wished my attempt had been successful and told me to commit like I always wanted to .

I struggled with these thoughts a lot and kept it inside constantly , they used to come out maybe once every 4 months and whenever it did . God .. this is making me cry but I wish atleast one person wld have told me they r grateful to have me but no , my mom called me weak , my dad told me he cldn't comprehend how such a huge coward had been born in his family , and i was again again told" if u want to do it , just do it " . The truth is I didn't want to , I just wanted to breathe and feel fine .

My psychiatrist told me that my mental health had declined too much and it was best if i was institutionalized , I couldn't even bring up the topic to them both . I wonder if I cld have gotten better now , had i gotten proper help .

I felt alone a lot in my life and whenver I opened up , I was just told to deal with it so I stopped talking altogether . My parents were also super strict , so I never even had friends or anyone to talk to .

I wouldn't call my family dysfunctional but more so I was the mistake in a perfect family .

All of this being said , the one good thing about them is that they never failed me materialistically , I was always given a good education , clothes , food on the table etc . In that way , they were at 0 fault . They do care about me when i get sick , they do care about my future . There were good moments as well where we went on trips and enjoyed nature together , they did try and love me when they were in a good mood but I couldn't forget the painful words said when they were angry .

I am 18 now and moving out soon and I came to the realization that I have no connection with anyone in my family , at all . I feel alone and helpless and I feel so jealous when I see ppl who seem to be loved regardless of what they do .

I came across posts of parents who absolutely lost it , they were panicked , upset ,and distraught when they find out their child had done smth to themselves . I saw a mom saying how she stayed with her daughter a week after she had attempted because she was scared .

I realise that my parents will love the perfect version of me that listens to what they say but not the broken version of me that needs help . But thats who I am a depressed , anxious teenager . I don't blame them completely , but I still wonder if I could have gotten better or maybe this wldnt have happened in the first place , had i been shown warmth and love .

Ever since my mom died, my father has been seeking companionship in secret. And we have talked and open about how "men have needs" and there is nothing I can do to stop him from seeking. But lately, I have been concerned to whom he is seeing with. and as a nosy person which i'm ashamed of doing, I discovered that he might be dating someone who is married/ has a partner. after learning this, I am angry and disappointed to my father for mingling someone who is taken. another thing is, the woman has been visiting our house for a few times masking as a 'co-worker'. And obviously every time I question my father, he dismissed me. he's becoming slowly distant and secretive. I fear he will eventually leave us over that woman and even mentioned about how he can't wait till me and my sister graduate. I fear that him involving himself in that type of situation would result to threats and might harm our family. I want him to open up soon because it's been bothering me for months now. and i also feel hatred against the woman because why would she keep pretending/ It's so low of her for settling on situations like that. I feel sorry for her because i know my father is a narcissist, egoistic, does not hold himself accountable, is also an asshole. i don't know why his treatment is so different to what i've heard from relatives and his friends. they know nothing about him at all. my father was a seaman and still stuck to his belief that 'being emotional is weak' mindset and is a misogynist.

Back story my step mom treated me like a red headed step child growing up. My dad sat by not doing a thing about it. So when i turned 18 i packed my things and never looked back. So In my early 20’s she tried texting me and i told her to lose my number, called her a narcissist and called her out on everything she’s done. which she denies and my dad is denying. I just let it go and went no contact with her and my dad will text me on holidays and ask me to lunch 2X a year. Now I’m getting married in a week and my dad just told me that he’s only attending my ceremony and not my reception bc everything i caused with his wife (calling her out) and she’s only comfortable going to the ceremony and leaving. Am i wrong if i tell him don’t even bother showing up just stay home with his wife. I don’t want them showing up just to get pictures to post on social media putting on an act. It also feels like he’s never been on my side & now even on the biggest day of my life he’s still not supporting me fully. I at least thought everyone could act like adults for a wedding. Especially when I’m his first child (F). Also to add my stepmom has always hated my mom even though she has no reason to. Which is probably the real reason she doesn’t want to attend reception. My dad’s exact words were “it’ll be awkward”.

My mom was sick so my sister decided to have her give away her things and to come stay with her. Mind you, she couldn’t stand my mom. Suddenly, she took a great interest in sneaking in a DNR on her. She (my mom) had no idea what that meant. I asked my mom if that’s what she wants and she said of course not. That angered my sister and she made it to where I couldn’t talk to my mom she blocked me on her phone. 6 months later I’m online looking for something and I come across an obituary for my mom that she died last week. May 10th. She didn’t let me know my mom was dying or when she died. Or my other sibling. Who does this?

I 29F and my partner 31M live with his dad and step mom in their mid 60s & mid 70s (gma & gpa) We have a 4 year old and we’ve all been sick with either covid or RSV all week. (Just us 3 sick not his parents) we live on separate levels but share kitchen. It’s been a rough week to say the least. Living in a multi generational home as of this year has also been.. rough.

Lots of issues already on advice not wanted, the ways we parent (which is a lot healthier than what they’re trying to push lol) and just general boundary issues. It’s been so much for me and honestly I just do my best to not let my little one get in the way of it all and protect her and my parenting style fiercely.

That creates problems for them… I ignore as much as I can and set firm boundaries and stand up for us regardless.

So little issue tonight- GMA and GPA come upstairs to kitchen and my little one is running around house while parter and I are in bedroom. She comes and asks me to make her spaghettios, I tell her when they go downstairs I will. Gpa ends up making her canned ravioli and portions it into 3 bowls for him gma and my daughter.

She says she doesn’t want that and kinda throws a mild tantrum. She hasn’t eaten much in a few days and she is a picky eater. I had just told her I will make her spaghettios. She’s fixated on that.

I offer lots of healthy options but lately it’s been spaghettios and Mac n cheese aside from fruit and vegetables. She’s in a picky stage we are trying to survive haha. I do all the cooking for our daughter as I know what she will eat and it’s just what works for us. Less food waste and she still gets a full belly.

I offer everything else too & if she eats it great, if not we will try again. I never make her feel like she is doing something ‘bad’.

He gets offended our 4 yr old doesn’t eat what he makes (lots of BBQ & meat).
I get annoyed with the comments of oh do you think she’ll be a vegetarian? In a weird tone. I was vegetarian for 8 yrs.

They try to convince me to let her starve more if she doesn’t eat what everyone else is having. I would never do that.

They are very negative towards her if she doesn’t follow their food rules.
I reinstate it’s not up to them. They even tried not allowing her to eat until she said ‘Amen’ to their pre meal prayer at 3 yrs old.

Her dad and I are not religious but we are respectful of their religious practices & I have stated she is not to be forced to participate if she doesn’t want. It’s just not something she needs to be pressured in at 3-4 years old before she can eat.

Anyways I go to the kitchen and start a can of spaghettios and gma gets snarky & says “you’re not seriously going to make her those?” I simply say yes I am & continue on. Gpa gets upset and throws all the 3 bowls of ravioli away mid eating and they storm downstairs.

I over hear him mad saying my kid is going to grow up spoiled and she’s a brat and the world is going to kick her ass, chew her up and spit her out.

Over raviolis -

It made my kid feel awful about herself and she said sorry to me and I reminded her she had nothing to feel bad about she’s been sick all week and if all she wanted was skettios than mama will make her some.

She didn’t even ask him for food to begin with. (They are constantly making meal time stressful for her and pushing old timey rules that I don’t align with and won’t allow for her). Yet they act offended and wronged.

I feel like this was out of line and another situation where im treated like “you’re not seriously making sure your kid eats something they’ll actually eat right?”

He came back up later and started making passive aggressive comments to her like “I guess you’ll only listen for mooooommm” and “only if your mooooom makes it for you” in a very specific tone he usually doesn’t use with her. I just took her to my room.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for this type of situation. My young kid was made to feel bad while getting over sickness over food she didn’t ask for from her grandpa. Im sensing he feel disrespected but honestly over the last year we have put up with so much more disrespect from him yet he always acts like the victim.

Edit* we moved in to help them not lose their family home. We were renting previously and they faced losing their property as neither work and are aging with disabilities. We cover finances and assist with upkeep and maintenance of the house.

I’m a 30 something femal. I have 1 10yr old son. I’ve been with his dad 11 years. His dad let’s call him C has 4 other children 1 from a one mom(bm#1) and 3 from another(bm#2). From the beginning of our relationship bm#2 has always came to his family functions uninvited. Which has made it very awkward. Especially in the beginning of our relationship. He kept telling me that as soon as the kids get older she’ll stop coming around. Well yesterday at Cs family function she showed up with the kids. The kids were invited but she wasn’t. I put up with it because of the kids. But now all of the kids are adults should I still put up with it? Bm#2 has a child that is younger from a different man that she also brought to C’s family function. I kind of feel like she’s not realizing that it’s not her place to be. But I thought since her kids are adults she’d stop coming around. I’d understand if it was a funeral or maybe a larger event like a wedding but not a birthday party. She hasn’t been with C in over a decade. And the kids don’t need her to be at the functions with them anymore. Would I be the jerk if I said something? or am i being a jerk in general for thinking it’s not her place to be there?

Here’s the context. I am 35, and I have three girls in elementary school. I am divorced and I moved to my current location to be close to my family before I filed for divorce so that I wouldn’t have to ship my (literal babies at the time) kids to another state for a custody arrangement. I met someone and we got married and his mom lived in the state we live in now. Ok great. Custody agreement where the kids see dad every other weekend, grandma and grandpa 30 mins away, step dads mom lives 30 mins away, dad lives 45 mins away- awesome.

3 years ago step dads mom passes away suddenly. The rest of his family is 16 hours away. But we can travel. My mom and dad live in the house I grew up in and are for sure going to stay there forever since I helped build that house and that’s OUR HOUSE. FOREVER since they built it from the ground up when it was a wheat field and it was my parents dream house. To retire in. So I thought.

My parents have been selling all thier stuff for about a year now. Trying to learn Portuguese and saying they want to leave the country. I figured they wouldn’t go through with it. My mom has my 88 year old grandmother that sort of depends on her now that my grandfather is gone. My brother lives in a different state but I moved here to be with them. My mom went to visit her mom and while she was gone my dad had a heart attack. Luckily I was close, went over, saw the signs of a cardiac event and brought him to the hospital, where they flew him to St Joes where he had a second grand maul heart attack and had 4 stints put in. Dr said if I hadn’t been there dad would be dead. Not to mention me being there for my mom when I was 9 months pregnant helping her recover from shoulder replacement and a million other things. My parents have always been there for me too. We’ve been a super tight family unit- me, my mom and my dad. My brother has always been kind of.. his own thing. Loves us but not so involved.

But recently my parents have decided they are moving to Portugal. My dad is 61. None of his family has lived past 73 at the highest. Longevity for his family has been 64-73. I feel so sad and betrayed that they want to go “live thier life” and it doesn’t include me or my kids, who I thought were like.. the point. They are moving this upcoming January. I am stuck here because of the custody agreement. Ex has to sign off on me leaving. He will absolutely never condone me leaving the country with the kids. I’m alone here now.

Footnote - I also have a 16 year old dog that is fading and has been my anchor since I was 19. He won’t be here much longer. Losing my parents and my dog in the same year seems especially cruel. I have been crying for a week. Any advice would help, except “tell them how you feel”- I have. They say sorry it’s hard for us too but we have to live our lives. Can’t sit around and wait for you guys to come visit. We want to go and be free.. essentially. In not those exact words.
Heartbroken, alone and existential dread don’t even begin to cover it.

Me (18M) got caught wearing a cross necklace when I went out with my friends by my parents (religious muslims) a few days ago on my dads canon camera. I forgot to delete the photos, my bad. Keep in mind, i am not religious nor practicing and have stopped believing since I was 13. On the morning of the incident, they called me to the study and showed me the pictures, obviously I had nothing to defend myself with so my dad started berating me on how I was a sinner and an apostate. I almost debated telling them the truth to which I gave up bcuz i didnt wanna be homeless lol.

To gather my mind for a while, I stayed at my sisters place (to which they arent on speaking terms rn) and collected my thoughts there. When I reached home and finally gathered up the courage to apologise, the first thing my mom said to me was “WHAT IF YOU DIED WEARING THE CROSS? NO ONES GONNA THINK YOUR‘E A MUSLIM.” And I was rlly taken aback bcuz how is my religion the first thing that u think of and not the DEATH of ur own child?. Now they're isolating me from my friends and i just feel rlly alone.

it’d be great to have some advice but its not rlly needed, this is moreso a place to vent about my frustrations and their inability to see their child that isnt their perfect god fearing child.

Im 18f, recently me and my father got into an argument. I told him about how him always mocking me about my bad marks hurted me when i scored good during the main examinations. I also told him how constant comparisons wont make me do better in life i will get worse. He told me he never did such things with me and that he will stop talking to me. He will rectify his mistake and he will never guide me into anything from now on and said Sorry in a angry way. He will not talk to me anymore what should i do now? I love my father but he thinks i hate him now after i told him about this.

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore about my older brother.
My brother is 24 years old and if he had the choice, he would sleep all day and play video games all night. He isn’t a horrible person. Sometimes he can actually be sweet — he’s cooked for us before, bought gifts occasionally, and can be funny to be around. But those moments are rare compared to how he normally acts.
Ever since graduating high school, he’s basically done the bare minimum in life. It took him forever to even get a job, and when he finally did, that became the only thing he was willing to do. He never thought about school, future plans, career goals, or anything beyond just existing day to day.
The problem is he can’t even hold a job because he’s irresponsible. He’s been fired multiple times for constantly being late and not taking things seriously. Worse, he lies to my mom about it instead of being honest. He also lies or avoids basic adult responsibilities like making appointments, paying bills, or handling his car payment. Anytime my mom asks him to do something, he either “forgets,” says he doesn’t know how, or ignores it until later and just expects forgiveness.
He also contributes almost nothing to the house. He leaves messes everywhere, barely cleans, eats a ton of food late at night (which stresses my mom out financially), and now that he’s unemployed again, he still barely helps despite having all the free time in the world.
What frustrates me the most is how he reacts when anyone calls him out. Instead of taking responsibility, he acts like the victim and says things like nobody likes him or nobody wants him around. We’ve tried explaining that people would have a much easier time being around him if he actually tried improving his habits or helping out, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
Meanwhile, I’m 19 years old and have only been working my first job for 3 months and a full time job at that, and I’m already handling my own appointments, helping my mom financially, and contributing to the house however I can. Now it’s getting to the point where I might have to help pay HIS car payment because the car is under my mom’s name and his irresponsibility could hurt her credit.
I’m exhausted watching my mom work so hard while my adult brother acts like a teenager with no motivation to change.
I genuinely want advice. How do you get someone like this to understand how they are affecting others and themselves? Has anyone dealt with a sibling like this before, and did they ever change?

For a few years I’ve been sensing awkwardness when the topic of this lady Steph. He used to date her before he married my mom. I just saw a text that they met at her place a few years ago and have been texting. This seems like an emotional affair to me. I’m not sure how to address this with my dad. And what should I do about my mom. Should I say he needs to tell her, do I tell her, or nothing? My grandma is friends with Steph and talks so highly of her. I overheard Steph talking rudely about my mom on the phone. I brought it up to my grandma and she defended Steph. I’m so overwhelmed and appreciate any advice. Thanks!

My 22-year-old step son is living at home with us after recently finishing school a few weeks ago. He currently has a part-time job (about 2–3 shifts a week), but he doesn’t seem to be actively pushing toward full-time work or consistently applying for more stable employment.

His main priority seems to be gaming, and he is also smoking weed (which is legal where we live), but it’s clearly becoming an issue in terms of motivation, routine, and responsibility. He has also been oversleeping and has been late for a job that his dad helped him get after he was fired from his previous one.

At this point, we feel like we’re constantly reminding, managing, and trying to motivate him, and it’s creating a lot of frustration and tension in the household.

Starting June 1, we want him to start contributing financially, including paying rent and his cell phone bill. He is already responsible for his car insurance and gas.

We’re also planning to assign more consistent household expectations, but we’re struggling with what is actually reasonable for a 22-year-old. We’re looking for ideas or suggestions for things he can do consistently during the week that don’t require constant reminders (for example chores or responsibilities that are appropriate and sustainable).

We’re struggling with two main things:

What are reasonable expectations and responsibilities for a 22-year-old living at home?

What consequences actually work when someone is unreliable and doesn’t follow through, without turning everything into constant arguments?

We don’t want to control him or create constant conflict, but we also can’t continue in a situation where everything depends on us reminding him or stepping in.

Any advice from people who’ve dealt with adult children in a similar situation would be really appreciated.

Ever since my mom had passed, it was still hard for me to cope an adjust to all these changes. I also noticed that my father is already seeing someone and I remember asking him a question if he'll ever marry again and obviously it was still fresh, he would say no or deny ever doing that. and last new years, I asked him if he was seeing someone, to which he vaguely responded that people come and go and blah blah blah, not really answering yes or no. and recently, he's secretly seeing someone which I've met before but he introduced me to the girl as his "co-worker" thinking I'd buy that shit. and ever since then, he's been talking to that same girl for months now. idk why he'd ever hide that from me because it's becoming too obvious. to the point that it seems like he's not hiding anymore because he'd sneak out , comes home very late, oftentimes makes excuses and buys food or snacks as a compensation and a "distraction" to question his whereabouts. it's really hard for me to pretend that I don't feel certain anger, betrayal and annoyance between him and the girl he's seeing.

last week, he got into an accident because he went out by riding a motorcycle on the way to "work related stuff (obviously to see that woman) and I feel guilty of feeling happy it happened but sad at the same time. but even after that, that woman went to visit him (which i saw from our home cctv) and as soon as i came down they left just in time and i asked him 'who were they' and he said his "workers". and you know what irritates me more? I can still hear their conversations during calls which are inappropriate as if the walls are sound proof and i'm fucking traumatized. like it's disgusting to me because it's my own father. and it still haunts me and pains me so much that I'm so conflicted of my feelings. I just wanna know if anyone here also went through this situation and how they dealt with it.

today my brother hit me. i am 21 years old female and he is 19. we were having an argument and i insulted him first by saying fuck you and he got angry and asked why i had to insult him. i wont get into the details of the argument but for me i got mad coz he started by raising his voice at me and i went off on him warning him that if he raises his voice at me he shouldnt expect me to listen. anyway yeah i told him fuck you once during the argument and he got angry asked me why i said that and i told him i just did and that he shouldnt expect an apology from me cos i wont give one while in that state so he might as well just insults me too and we call it even .

Instead he proceeded to say that he will hit me and i got ticked off and i told him if he feels like such a man he should hit me then and he kept saying he will and i kinda got in his face ( emphasis on kinda since he was lying down playing a game on his phone and I was standing) and told him to do it then and walked away from him .

Unfortunately ,he did. he came at me and he punched me repeatedly on my forehead ,on my nose ,on my mouth and in my stomach . he mainly hit my head area. he put me in a headlock and punched me repeatedly while making eye contact hitting my head my nose and my lips till i started bleading profusely and screaming . he was not just angry he wanted to hit me and i know it coz after he put me in the headlock and held eye contact with me his punches became slower and as he hit me there were small pauses like he was observing me like there was an outcome he wanted. he hit me til his hands were bloodly and so was my face. i was screaming as he did and my little brother who is three saw all this began crying and running towards me calling my name alarmed. I was bleeding profusely both from out my nose and mouth . then when he finished he sat down on the chair with is phone like nothing happened and I left immediately and went to the bedroom.

my lip is busted and now as big as my whole thumb, my nose is swollen if not broken, my head has a bump, my front teeth hurt, I bit my tongue so it hurts too , my jaw feels tight and I was overall in pretty bad shape. while hysterical i called my dad and i tried to tell him what was going on but i could barely speak well and he couldnt understand me so he hung up and i think he called my mum afterwards and she called me and i calmed down abit and i told her that i cant stay here with him anymore and she told me not to leave the house and to wait for my aunt to come.

Anyway long story short, i am sure he has no remorse , none at all. I could see it in the way he looked at me after and how he had the audacity to hold eye contact with me afterwards and kind of glare at me . and i know he will justify it by saying i insulted him and he did not insult me. and i feel like my parents will partially blame me for getting confrontational with him when none of this would have probably happenned if i just let it go and kept quiet.

Plz excuse the bad grammar and lack of structure,I'm mostly rambling coz this just happened but I really need to know what y'all think.

Before i start this, I would like you to know our average income so you know this isnt some sort of “im mad my parents wont buy me a ps5 on a collective income of 30k” post.

My parents make an overall (after bonuses) of 300,000 a year, get free flights, gas, and go to banquets every 3-4 days at their companies. They dont pay for their own food or hotels, and they have family at almost every form of transportation company (flying, cruiselines, and hotels) so they pay little, if anything on that. They also get about 600$ from the government per month to take care of me (since i am under 18) We are very well off.

The issue is that none of that trickles down to me. I usually skip meals, or even go days without food because of them calling me a financial burden, ive seen them cancel things as important as my birthday to do things they want, only to call me spoiled when i didnt want to go into debt for getting asked to pay for my own birthday dinner (im not 18 nor do i have a job). It has gotten so bad, that ive decided to stop trying to save, and just splurge the occasional 20$ i get every 2 weeks on something i like, rather than food, because even today where i live, 20$ doesnt even get you a full meal at McDonald’s.

Ive done things like budgeting for groceries, stretching a 40-50 grocery budget to last 2 weeks (i live in canada so with the 14% tax on everything + our money being worthless half the time, its next to impossible), ive asked to see our taxes and monthly budget to see if we were maybe overspending on something, only to get the response “no you dont need to” or that im being a nuisance, ive even offered to sell my collection of merchandise that ive worked hard over the past decade to afford, only to get told they provide enough and told to not give out our area to sell on fb marketplace, when they very clearly dont.

The worst part, is i see why they dont have the spare income we should have. Ive seen my mom order 50$ doordash orders daily, asking me to pick it up for her, only to get none of it and sleep with no food that day. Ive watched my dad go on day trips to miami and bring home 400$ of nike shoes and a new watch. Ive seen how my mom just casually states she can drop 2000 on a new laptop because she wants a faster one when the older one works just fine. Ive seen my dad, a man who gets 1000$ a month for his car payments (from his company), only to drop it on an insanely overpriced bmw, ans still pay out of pocket due to it being way over 1000. I see these things, i notice them.

It hurts to have to go into the negatives to feed myself, i hate relying on klarna to pay for something that i need, like clothing (i have not gotten new clothes since 2018, i was a child, but now i have a large bust, so clothing like that barely fits, and ive even ripped some.) I hate getting called a financial burden as i watch my dad spent the childcare money i should be getting, on new airforce ones that he never wears.

I hate that i can see where were bleeding money, i hate that i cant live comfortably on an income as big as that, i just want them to understand tjat this isnt right, but they just yell or call me a burden if i do tell them that this is bad financial literacy.

if you have any advice, please tell me, i need it at this point.