r/FamilyIssues

My(20F) husband (20M) are having issues with his family. A little back story we had to get married at 18 due to my family not being there to approve of a lifesaving surgery and preventing any medical care to save my life. We got married so they wouldn't have a say so or power of attorney to make that decision for me and instead my now husband approved the surgery and that is how I am still alive.

So anyways, my family knows that I am married (no wedding just a courthouse paper work signing, still legal). But he hasn't told his family and now it's going on two years he hasn't said anything.

Last night he was talking to his parents about "proposing" to me (prompted by me) which they were very negative about and insisted that he wait until after graduating college because he isn't ready for marriage yet.

It should be mentioned that his parents are paying for his college education and I am paying for my own. I graduate in a year and he graduates in 4 years, he also relies on them for medical equipment such as insulin and needles because he is a type 1 diabetic. So he still needs them for those things.

They also told him that if he were to "propose" to me before his graduation they would stop all funding for his education and health and would require him to pay them back. This greatly worries me as while I am still in school I can't provide those things for him and honestly it feels like his life would be at risk.

I have a depleted egg count and an extensive fertility issue in my family (both sides) so I cannot wait another 4-5 years to get "married", buy a house, and then start trying to have kids all because his parents would cut him off.

His education is greatly important to me and I don't know what to do with his family not knowing that we are already married. Should I wait and risk never having children or should I just send them a photo of our marriage license and let them have it out?

Ideally the proposal conversation was supposed to end in support for our relationship developing and a proposal in two months, with a wedding in a year, but instead has lead me to reevaluate what life could look like without his education, without ever having kids, and without his family by his side if they cut him off.

They have already mentioned that I am not a part of their family and never will be (ring or not) so I feel like an ultimatum has been placed. My husband is pissed at them and on my side but doesn't want to risk not having their support for his education and health which I understand.

Please help, I welcome all recommendations and suggestions, I don't know what I am doing.

I’m 17, had my first job at 16, and was made to start paying $200 monthly to my parents to buy their 2014 model car off of them. I’m supposed to continue paying them for two straight years which I think adds up to $4,800. The car has been used constantly, has a broken seat and stereo, and is one my parents wouldn’t use if I didn’t take it. It’s also payed off all the way and my parents aren’t struggling for money. I’ve asked some other people if this is normal and they said it wasn’t, but I want some outside opinions, so is it weird?

I (15F) can't live in these conditions anymore.

My (10F) sister shares a room with me and it has been like that since she got here.

And that drives me absolutely nuts!!

We share a little room, and her mezzanine bed blocks our window, we can barely open it and that already is a huge problem.

Can't let air in, light can barely pass through, she has the biggest side of the room so she takes up all space and the frickin window?!? Then, she is a spoiled kid (I grew up really really poor and we didn't get the same education so we're really different) she throws all her unwanted toys and trash on my side. Yes, even food. I can find rotten things under my bed because she threw them there. Her walls are rotting, she literally has mold everywhere on her walls. She hoards trash and blames it on me for not cleaning after HER??!?

We often get into fights too and that leads to my room being destroyed because she had her little breakdown and throws everything on the floor.

I had to turn my cozy poster-filled, alt room into a minimalist mess to avoid that.

And what do my parents to about that? Nothing.

The only thing they did is put a curtain between our "rooms" for more privacy and still, the door is on my side and my bed is next to it. I can't even change without having to go to the bathroom because they all thinks it's stupid to knock and to have privacy (Slavic parents...)

I try to make some money to move out as soon as I turn old enough, but it's not the easiest and most realistic thing to do when I'm only 15 :/

In the meantime I proposed to my parents and my sis to change sides at least, so I can free the window and have more room and privacy but my sister is now having a fit because she doesn't want to.

I am genuinely tired, I have important exams and I can't study or even sleep peacefully because she watches her phone on full volume till late, falls asleep with it and it stays on all night. If I have the audacity to turn it off she wakes up, screams at me and goes back to watching it.

I'm genuinely tired, I don't know what to do, no one is helping me.

Is it possible to do anything :c ?

Hey I'm a 40 years old male and about 5 years ago my mother had reached out to me and my girlfriend and asked if we would consider moving in with them. We had our own place about an hour from my parents but as they are getting older and have a very large farm they need help with work and dads getting to old to do it all by himself anymore. My dad is retired from the fire department but has 2 side business roofing and construction. And over the years Ive always helped out with farm work or construction work or whatever no biggie I don't mind hard work and it's quality time with dad.

The original agreement was that me and my gf would move into a mother in law suite above my parents garage and I would work a "few hours a week" and in exchange I could live there for free pretty good deal or so I thought. Fast forward a few years me and the gf broke up and Dad has been using me more and more around the property and off the property I ended up getting layed off from my job about a year ago and since then Dad has had me working 40 hour weeks at minimum sometimes as much as 60 hours then he will just say he's not going to pay me cuz "that job was rent" but I'm not supposed to pay rent "well that was years ago" or "your momma said that she don't pay the mortgage" and I'm like but I gave up my place under those pretenses to help YOU GUYS.

and it's not easy work either this is packing shingles up ladders for 12 hour days or pouring concrete in 100 degrees weather stuff like that. Then to top it off he stands over me while I do stuff screaming and yelling and telling me I'm doing it wrong I've frequently walked off jobs after telling him to go fuck himself but apartment prices have doubled since I left mine and I broke up with my gf so don't have her income to help me. And my mom has memory issues and accuses me of stealing dumb stuff like she locks the good silverware in a big gun safe next to the enchilada sauce she claims I take.

So I was living my own life in a city an hour away with a gf job etc. and gave up my entire life to come help my parents cuz they said they missed me and wanted me closer. Then once I'm good and trapped here they treat me like a giant burden like I begged them to help me with a place to stay. I literally hide in my place cuz EVERY time I walk past them sitting on the couch in given an assignment it may be something as simple as taking the trash out or something as complex as digging out and setting up concrete forms on a job 2 hours away at 6pm on a Friday when I had plans. That's another thing dad never asks what I'm doing or if I can it's just a given that I'll go do whatever as soon as assigned I fucking hate it. He got mad the other day cuz I had to take a friend to the doctor so couldn't help him work even tho my Friend asked me this 3 months ago and he didn't ask until 20 minutes before he needed me.

Also I'm pretty skilled in construction and such but I did not work in it my entire life like dad and being that I'm 25 years younger than my dad there's some things he can figure out or do super easily that I don't and it pisses him off so bad it's like he hates me all I want is him to be proud of me or tell me that I did a good job or to say thanks for the help son or something but all I ever get is screaming and yelling and told it's not good enough God the stuff he mutters under his breath that he thinks I can't hear as he walks off he really is ashamed of me or something and he just makes me feel like am I really that terrible? Mom says he makes her feel the same way.

I've started calling around to contractors and asking for ballpark numbers on work that I do for Dad stuff that he's not even paying me for is worth 75$ an hour to a contractor and that's rough numbers probably more if they charge by the job. Now when he does pay he pays me well but he does roofing where you just sub the job out and don't even do the work makes like 200k a year I've begged him to teach me how to do it and he won't and I genuinely believe it's because he knows he wouldn't have the hold over the whole family that he does if I made the same amount or more money than him.

Idk if I'm asking for advice or help or just venting or what Im just so tired it's 7am and I've been outside working on a deck to get it ready for a pool party that I won't even come outside for. It's 100 degrees outside and dads already been screaming at me for 45 minutes

i (24m) know this sounds like such a non-issue just buy the car am i right? but i'm living in a very remote location and the way to my parent's home is 11 hours with car and the road is sort of dangerous. they are worried about me (i'm a rookie driver) getting into an accident. in my work place everyone has a car and they suggest that i do buy one. the car is not a neccessity because my work place is 8 minutes by walk but since i live in a remote location the nearest city is an hour by car and i can't go to cities i want to visit for the weekends because there are 2 buses a day to the city.

i don't know what to do.

My stepfather (39M) has been secretly eating food from around the house, and my mother (40F) and I (16F) are at a loss for how to handle the situation.

This has been happening for quite some time. He has been following a diet for over a year, avoiding all forms of sugar, including fruit, candy, and fizzy drinks. He usually only makes exceptions during planned cheat meals, such as when we go out to dinner.

Recently, however, he has started searching the house for sugary foods whenever he is home alone. Sometimes he eats Nutella, other times he looks for candy. Because of this, my mother and I began hiding candy in my bedroom.

Today, I noticed that more food had disappeared. When I confronted him, he said, "What? I didn't know where the candy was. I don't go into your room."

I know this is not true. Yesterday, my mother and I had guests over while he was away. She bought cookies for everyone, and after our visitors left, there were some cookies remaining. I put the leftovers in my bedroom that evening. Today, some of those cookies are gone.

We are exhausted from having to hide food in our own home. Every time we try to discuss the issue with him, he denies taking anything, even when the evidence strongly suggests otherwise.

How should we handle this situation?

My mom and my stepdad have been together for about 6 years now. After a lot of childhood trauma, including my parents, both mom and dad, my stepdad became a very important role in my life and hes really the only father figure i have.

My mom has really bad anger issues and can blow up over things and she just came into my room telling me that she's going to break up with my stepdad and not only kick him out but also sell the car he uses that she paid for.

She left my room and i just sobbed and havent stopped since because my stepdad is really special to me.

My stepdad has done a lot for me such as drive me and my mom everywhere since she cant drive, he got me my first job at the same place he works, he taught me the basics on how to drive a car, and so much more.

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Even if they do break up i know my mom would just throw him out and i just dont want that because he wont have anywhere to go. And he cant make money right now since he works at a school and were off for the summer. So he's basically stranded.

I wanna talk to my mom and ask her to think about it more but truth is that im really scared of her.

Im scared shes gonna get upset and start to yell at me or throw things at me like shes done before in the past when she gets into angry episodes.

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Please help im scared and i don't wanna lose my stepdad but idk what to do. He's kinda all i have that makes me feel like a normal person.

Hubby (M50) and I (F60) have been married for 22 years. We bought our "forever home" about 10 years ago. I have always had a very good relationship with my in-laws throughout the years. They live in another state, about a 10 hour drive away and consist of my husband's mother and 2 sisters. We visited frequently throughout the years.

About 2 years ago, my SIL called my hubby and told him that her relationship with her long time BF was over. She had nowhere to go.

Hubby tells me this and, of course, I agree that SIL(and her 30 yr old son, and dog, and cat) can come here to stay until she gets back on her feet.

Hubby has to do a slight remodel to our home. He put a wall and door on the family room to turn it into a bedroom so SIL and nephew each have their own rooms. He drives over to help her pack up her stuff and they arrive with her SUV and his truck loaded down with her belongings.

We get them settled in and then I start hearing about what she and her son "need". Nephew is about 6ft tall and 230lbs. He has violent tendencies and anger control issues. I am told that we all need to be very careful not to "set him off". The dog is a rescue and very sweet... to people he knows and he doesn't like small children or strangers. The dog only eats the expensive, refrigerated dog food. The cat didn't seem to have any specific needs aside from the "very best" dry food.

Within the first 2 weeks, she has thrown away some of my cookware, even my cheese grater (because she didn't like the size of the shreds). She did replace them. She rearranged my pantry and my linen closet. My house has only 1 bathroom and the only 2 outlets were taken over by their stuff.

At first, I was all about trying to help them and help her get through her heartbreak. The town I live in has a ton of resources for people in SIL's situation. I try to help her find what she needs to get her life back on track. She doesn't want to hear any of it and shoots down everything I mention.

Hubby works nights and I work days. He is not around her much, as he is either sleeping or headed to work. I work days.

My daily routine turned into me getting up, getting a cup of coffee and heading out to the patio to smoke a cigarette before getting ready for work. As soon as I get to the patio, SIL shows up with a cup of coffee, followed by nephew. She proceeds to tell me how everyone in her life has wronged her. SIL and nephew smoke marijuana.

Come to find out.... SIL had decided that the only way to keep nephew under control is to keep him stoned all the time (fortunately, it's her favorite thing to do, too). I'm talking, at least once an hour, they have to smoke. She complains to me that she can't do it in the house because that's a rule hubby and I made.

Every morning, I get to hear how violent my nephew can be. He has sent his mother to the ER multiple times. He had attacked her BF, also.

I can't use my living room because my nephew just paces behind me and gives me dirty looks and making fists. I end up just hiding in my bedroom and locking the door when I go to bed at night. We can't have friends over. We can't have our grandkids over, because she won't keep the dog away from them (the dog nips, snarls, bites, and lurches at them).

Months go by. My hubby is trying so hard to keep everyone happy. I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I was feeling.

My SIL shoots down everything. I start researching options for her and she won't do any of them. She refuses to live in this place or that. She refuses to apply for this or that. It got to a point where she just sat around all day in her pajamas getting stoned. Although, she started catering to my hubby. Making his favorite dish or desert. It was like she was starting to compete with me. She would tell me how wonderful my husband is and all HE has done for her.

Things came to a head, about 9 months in. I explained to hubby what my life was like on a day to day basis. The fear I had of my nephew. The manipulations by SIL. She tried to tell hubby that I'm horrible and she can't even use the kitchen when I'm home (blatant lie). Up to this point, all she had done around the house to help out, was do the dishes and pick up the dog poop in the back yard. Everything else was on me.

Hubby talks to her and comes up with a few options. The foremost one, for him, was that we buy her a camper for her and she can find a park to put it in. This was a big loan we were willing to take on for her (I don't think we even meet middle-class standards). Nope! She doesn't want that. She decides she want's a conversion van. That way she and her "circle of crazy" can just drive around and just "be".

So, hubby and I go and purchase it for her. She went along in her pajamas. Hubby tells her this is it. We don't have any more money to help her any more. When we get home, she starts making appointments to have all kinds of things done to the van. She can't afford any of it and neither can we.

Hubby goes to work. She mentions all of this stuff she "needs" to get done. I tell her that we can't afford it. She calls hubby and tells him I am kicking her out of the house. He had to leave work and come home. He helped her pack her van, and she left.

Now, she is saying that I made her homeless. She told me that this (my home) was supposed to be her home. Her son has been arrested (and released, pending trial) for beating up some random woman.

I am at a loss. What should I do?

Sorry so long.

I’m a 33-year-old mom of 3, and my husband and I work hard to support our family. I make $90k as an accountant at a consulting firm, and my husband makes $140k as an engineer wanting to move into project management. We’re both trying to move up in our careers and build something stable over time.

A family member of mine is a CFP in a small LCOL town and is planning to buy their boss’s business for $6M next year. They have 2 kids and 1 on the way, and my husband and I have helped them financially more than once. They live in a house owned by their parents, and honestly, they are not someone I would describe as hardworking or self-sufficient. In their home, they expect other people to make them food, and their spouse does most of the childcare and housework. I went down on multiple occasions to help care for their children when they were born as he is not someone that can be depended on.

What makes this even harder to watch is that they’ve talked for years about buying the business, but now it’s actually happening. From what I understand, there’s a broker involved, but I don’t know if anyone has really verified the numbers with a CPA. It just feels like they stumbled into a huge opportunity with very little effort and may end up making a ton of money for basically landing in the right place at the right time.

The frustrating part is that they already act like they’re going to be the “pillar” of the family and have made comments of making the most money wise in the family…that ticked me off a tad since they have also taken money from me and now are telling me they will be the most successful?

But now I’m supposed to believe they’re about to run a business and become wealthy and hold it over everyone else?

I want my family to succeed, but if I’m being honest, I’m really struggling with resentment here. It feels like my husband and I work harder and help more, while this person may end up looking successful just because they landed in the right business at the right time.

Is it actually realistic to assume they’ll become extremely well off from this, or am I missing something?

Well he’s not a control freak in general but when it comes to my phone he is. The problem is that I’m soon to be 17 and he had taken my phone at 11pm sharp every night since I turned 16 even a week before I turned 16. It started with my aunt taking it at 11.30 every night cause “I didn’t sleep early enough” even tho it was summer back then and even after she left he kept taking every electronical device at home that I can possibly use ; my MacBook , my iPad , the tv controller and lastly my phone. and coincidentally somewhere between he or my aunt started taking my phone he also learned that I’ve been vaping and drinking and have stolen a cig from his pack, so maybe that was his way of disciplining me but he always says it’s because he “ cares about my eyes” or he simply says he needs to take it. And no he doesn’t know my password to anything and he doesn’t check any of my devices neither does he care to . All he cares about it taking my phone at 11pm which frustrates me sm.
Moral of the story can someone please tell me how to get my phone or how to break this cycle please

I’m 22 years old female. I’m the oldest of 3 children. And the only one gets hit by belts (leaving me with red marks) to the point some days my parents will search for winter clothes when it’s summer to hide the marks on my body.

They don’t hit my brother because they believe hitting boys will make their personality weak and that it’s okay to hit girls. They don’t hit my sister because just like my brother, they don’t cry loudly but are the ones doing insults.

My so called brother allowed to insult, hit, strangle and put his feet’s on my head forced to lay on floor. They won’t do anything because it means I did something to upset him and it’s okay for men to hit women. I swear they could see him all of the sudden beating and insulting me for fun and will just tell me forget it happened. On the other hand if I say a thing to him from what he always tells me daily he can do whatever he wants to me and they will give me the belt for causing trouble. I still remember the beatings I got for crying because their favorite child hit me. My father said if you complain again I will hit you more. Never told him whenever I got hit by his son again. I’m so scared of belts that I can’t even wear one or look at it without shaking. Mentioning shaking, whenever I shakes while getting hit, it results with my father insulting and hitting me more because according to him I look pathetic while shaking.

Currently I have vacation from university (the one between each year) and I swear even with holidays, even when I have test next day, I get beaten by belts and called words. I’m tired of getting hit and hearing those insults when I’m an adult. I’m no longer a kid you can “discipline”. Crying loudly because my siblings insulted me? I’m the one who gets the belts because according to my parents at least they insulted me calmly while I cried loudly.

I want to live my life. I want to go out and chat with friends. Whenever I ask if they can take me somewhere (got my driving license more than a year yet no car, of course my younger brother have a car since 2 years ago) they would get angry if it was more than 10 min away from my home and keep saying you are lucky we even let you go this one time, no you can’t have fun 2 days in raw, no you can’t go out a lot. They don’t even take me out anywhere. When they want to go to a bring place (mostly them checking on stuff) and I say I don’t want to go guess what? I get hit by the belt and insulted then they will put camera on and leave me alone in home. Saying you don’t have a say in anything, when we go out you go with us whether you like it or not.

With no university to attend, I’m now stuck in my room, getting insults and belts. They want me to dress up like other girls saying why I can’t be like them. Not thinking those other girls don’t have to live in fear of having marks on their body for crying. Called fat/ugly then saying it’s a joke your problem you can’t take it. Those girls have friends to got out with and meet. They ask each other recommendations for makeup and clothes. While here I’m stuck in my room crying. They want me to be like them without giving me their live.

I want to go out more. To meet people and have fun, without thinking of getting hit by belts for having feelings. I want to drive a car (even tho I forgot how since they never got me one). Looking my friends instagram/snapchat. They all go out everyday. I’m not allowed to even go out 2 days in raw and have to beg to go somewhere.

I need serious help. As I’m starting to think of self harm. I’m only afraid it will end with me eventually killing myself. I’m scared of doing so. I asked my parents to take me to therapist but of course they are more worried about updating my brother car and getting him everything he wants. I’m scared of ending up dead, by my own hands.

I want to be able to leave this abusive house and live on my own. Where I won’t be scared of getting belts because I said I don’t want to do something or for showing emotions. Where I will be able to work on myself. I can’t even look at my family and think of them as family members. They feel like strangers.

I 31 (F) come from a family with my parents (59F, 63M) and 2 other siblings (22M) and (29F). We have a longstanding family tradition where our parents take us out and treat us on our birthday to a nice celebratory dinner every year as well as gift us $200. Most years my sister (29) almost always chooses fancy upscale steakhouses or seafood restaurants. My brother typically always chooses Texas Roadhouse.

I kinda like to mix it up every year but last year on my 30th birthday my parents planned nothing for me and didn’t treat me to a dinner at all. In fact they barely acknowledged my birthday. This year my mother decided to call me and directly ask me where I would like to go for my birthday dinner when they come back into town on Sunday and I told her I’d like to go to the Melting Pot. Her and my father both protested on the phone and tried at least 7 times to get me to agree to go to K-Pot, a Korean bbq restaurant they like that I introduced them to 2 years prior. I do like K-Pot but it’s just not where I want to go for my birthday. My mother brought up all sorts of reasons they didn’t want to go. She stated firstly that the mall is known for cockroaches (which I won’t lie is true) but we live in a city where they’re pretty much everywhere and that hasn’t stopped her from eating at other places in the mall before. The next thing she brought up was how pricey melting pot is. I will admit I didn’t realize how much it went up. It was now $67 per person to enjoy the full 3 course meal. However, my parents are by no means poor and can afford it if they want to. They are very well off. This would not be a serious inconvenience for them, however I did offer to pay for my own meal. My mother declined and said she would pay. My mother ended the call stating my father may not join us at dinner and it might be just me and her.

When I called her today to see what the plan was, I was informed that neither of them want to go so they said they will take me to the melting pot on the condition that neither one of them will eat or have any food at dinner and I will be the only one eating. I am considering making them follow through with their tantrum. My mother often likes to make things all about her and this is just another example of that. I feel this dinner shouldn’t be so much about the actual meal as it is the time spent celebrating with family. I realize this sounds petty but I feel strongly about letting them dictate my choices as it has often been an issue in the past. I understand this is a power move but…checkmate? I’m done letting them make everything about themselves and forcing me to compromise and prioritize them. They do this frequently. She even gave me an argument about my birthday cake because I wanted a Helluva boss (my favorite show ever) themed birthday cake with black and red frosting and she stated she wouldn’t eat my birthday cake either because there are dollops of black frosting…..I got the cake anyways. So AITA?

We were all at my husband's grandma's house today when I witnessed my husband's grandma basically just tap my daughter on her bottom because my daughter was being feral and running away from her

I have been struggling to tell my husband about this and I've decided not to because there's a very good chance he does absolutely nothing about it and says it's not a big deal.

I can't stop thinking about it. I feel so bad for my daughter. Idk if I should just keep this to myself and make sure that I'm protecting my daughter more so people know to NEVER try to punish her.

I'm thinking the best thing to do is forget about it and going forward just be physically present with my baby more when we're around the grandma because it would really ruin everything between me and my husband if he just brushes it off out of respect for his grandma.

UPDATE actually just told him and he did in fact look upset and he said if he ever sees that he would say something to his grandma and tell her she's not allowed to do that

I’m looking for honest opinions because this has weighed on me for years.

I (F33) struggle with infertility, and it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. When my younger sister(F31) was pregnant with her third daughter, she was upset that I wasn’t as outwardly excited as she wanted me to be. I explained that I was happy for her, but I was also grieving the possibility that I may never experience pregnancy myself.

Her response was, “I’m not going to walk on eggshells with you just because you can’t get pregnant.”

That comment hurt more than I can describe.
Eventually we started talking again after her youngest was born because the baby had complications at birth and I wanted to be there for my sister.

A few months later, I was driving my niece home after spending time together. The drive was about 30 minutes. We were literally only about two minutes from her house when I suddenly heard her coughing. I looked in the back seat and saw thick saliva coming out of her mouth, and she looked like she was choking on it.
I immediately pulled over, got her out of her car seat, and she seemed very lethargic. I rushed the last couple of minutes to my sister’s house, jumped out of the car, and told her something was wrong.
My sister and her boyfriend kept asking me what happened and what she got into. I honestly didn’t know. She had been completely fine until those last two minutes of the drive. I understood they were scared, so I wasn’t upset that they were asking questions. I told them I thought they should take her to urgent care or the ER, but they decided not to.
My husband and I left shortly afterward.
Later, I found out my sister had been telling family members that I had let her daughter get into my edibles. That accusation was devastating because it wasn’t true.
Months later, my niece had another episode at home. My sister took her to the ER, and they diagnosed her with seizures. From what I was told, she was having the same kind of symptoms she had that day on Thanksgiving. Even after receiving that diagnosis, I never got an apology. Instead, my sister went to my dad and said I had “f’ed up.”
Despite everything, I still tried to keep the door open. On my niece’s birthday, I texted her “Happy Birthday!” hoping to keep the focus on my niece, not the conflict between adults.
Instead, my sister replied:
“Wow I’m surprised you even care… Since you like to let her get into your edibles… you don’t get to tell her happy birthday. You have no idea how much hurt my kids have gone through because of you.”
After that, I stopped trying.

Then this Father’s Day, my dad kept saying he wanted all of his kids together. I reached out to my sister first, and she actually seemed kind. She even texted me that her girls were excited to see me, so I thought maybe we could finally start moving forward.
It was the first time I’d seen them in about a year and a half.

When we got there, it felt incredibly awkward. The girls seemed hesitant around me, which broke my heart because I’ve always loved them. I tried walking over to my sister to make small talk, but every time I started talking she would interrupt the conversation to yell at one of the kids. She never really acknowledged me, and both she and her boyfriend treated my husband and me like we were the bad guys.

At one point she even talked openly about my niece’s seizures right in front of me, and all I could think was that I’d spent the last year and a half carrying the blame for something that ultimately turned out to have a medical explanation. I still have never received an apology for the accusations or for telling family that I let her child get into edibles.

I don’t hate my sister, and I don’t wish anything bad on her or my nieces. I’m polite when I see them at family events, but I don’t really want a close relationship anymore. Between the infertility comment, being accused of something I don’t believe I did, having my character questioned to family members, and never receiving an apology, I feel like the trust is gone.

Some of my family thinks I should just move on because “she’s your sister.”
Am I wrong for keeping my distance?

Hi so little background info, I’m 17, go to a private school and parents are in a legal battle of divorce and custody and my mum is most likely to win because there’s documented abuse cases against my dad.

My mum makes me feel guilty for enjoying my life or going out with friends etc etc. At the beginning of this week I went on a school trip to another country for 4 days and returned last night. My mother was last to pick me up despite me letting her know when we’d arrive(after a flight btw). My bsf’s parents waited with me until she came and she didn’t even get out of the car or anything like how all the other parents rushed out of their’s to give their children hugs and greet them. Now she says it’s my fault and that she had the best time of her life and should send me to stay with my dad. When they were still together she’d threaten to send me to boarding school and because I had no access to the internet I believed how she described it and was extremely scared and now have attachment issues.

Listen I know my mum has her personal issues because of abuse and wasn’t as privileged as me growing up but why is it that for everything that goes wrong I’m everyone punching bag, physically and verbally? Why don’t I get the same amount of love and appreciation as my sister does? Why me? I’m really tired of this, the antidepressants aren’t even working anymore lol

In order to explain this situation completely, I need to give a lot of background context, so bear with me. I don't want to give too much identifying information away, so I am going to make up names, and I will also keep our ages a little vague (my siblings and I are all in our 30s). And I have left the gender out of children involved. I also apologise for the rambly nature of this; it all just came out in a flood!

My brother Sam has gotten his ex girlfriend Lily pregnant. They already have a child together, who is about 10 years old. They broke up just after this first child was born (I will call this kid Jude), and basically have had nothing but contempt for each other since then - until last year when they secretly starting sleeping together again.

The reason this is an issue is that they are both addicts, and there has been a history of toxic and scary behaviour from Lily. I am not saying that Sam is an angel, but I lived with both of them before their child was born, and saw Lily physically strike Sam on more than one occasion (he pushed her away but did not hit her back). She also used to cut herself a lot, bash her head into things and other sorts of violent self-harming behaviour when they fought. She also smashed my windscreen and my brother's one time when they had a fight. This was all literally more than ten years ago. Lily has been in and out of psychiatric wards and has severe mental illnesses (I will go into more of this later).

When Jude was born, Lily struggled to adapt to motherhood and likely had post-partum psychosis (I was not living in the country at the time so cannot confirm exactly her symptoms - this is just what I've heard secondhand). Anyway, she shook Jude when she was stressed, my brother intervened, they got into an altercation and he physically threw her out of the house. He told her he would not let her in while she was like this because she was hurting the baby. She punched a hole in the window and crawled through broken glass to get back in, leaving cuts all over her body. The police were called by neighbours and she accused my brother of throwing her through the window. He was arrested and she was allowed full custody. (I know that some of you may be saying that I am being an apologist for my brother's behaviour or that I am not believing her claims - but please just stick with me and you read the rest of this and understand that she has a history of violence against her children.)

Sam lost his job, did not see Jude for months, and had no idea what was happening. He was not entitled to custody because he was refusing to screen for drugs (so, fair enough really) but Lily was also using at the time and not being screened. Eventually, Sam got clean (for a while at least), got steadyish work and began seeing more of Jude. Lily had a string of boyfriends that she moved in with, taking Jude with her every time. From what I saw on social media, she accused all of them of violence against her, though I have also seen all of her exes accuse HER of being violent. I have no idea what Jude was exposed to. I moved back from overseas and began seeing Jude too. I was staying with my mum at the time while I looked for a house, and so we would often have Jude over and look after him together. There were occasions when Lily would message me saying things like "come and get Jude now before I kill them" and I would drive to pick up Jude, who would have huge bruises and be hysterically screaming and crying. We reported all of this to CPS.

Jude was also incredibly developmentally delayed, experiencing issues with speech, coordination, toileting, and of course, emotional regulation, Jude was violent, would have the most terrifying and upsetting meltdowns, and could not form connections with other children. Jude was left by Lily with completely unfettered access to Youtube and television. Jude has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but it can be hard to know with Jude what is their neurodivergence and what is a result of the incredible amount of trauma that they have experienced.

Eventually, Sam was getting regular visits with Jude and I guess seemed to be clean so CPS was fine with it. One day, Lily didn't organise for Jude to be dropped back to her. She had been living with her dad after another breakup but then I guess she just...disappeared? She didn't see Jude for 6 months. We have no idea where she went but she would still post on Snapchat so we knew she was alive. My mum was awarded temporary custody of Jude (they were about 4 at the time). Lily came back eventually and was in a relationship with a new guy and pregnant with his kid. She gave birth to another child and Jude lived with her and the boyfriend. Apparently this guy is a good guy, and his parents were very involved and looked out for Jude and also apparently protected him from being hit by his mother. I'm not sure what happened, but Lily was put into a mother-baby psychiatric ward (I guess concerns were raised) and while in the ward she strangled her new baby in front of a group of nurses. She then lost custody of that child and of Jude.

Sam was awarded custody of Jude and my mum stepped up to support him in a big way. She paid his mortgage and bills because he stopped working to take care of Jude full time. She would also help with pickup/drop off to childcare (and school eventually). She also got Jude involved with disability support services so that Jude could have therapy, play therapy, OT, speech therapy and other things. Jude has funding at the school they go to and an aide that supports them. Part of this process was requesting a document from CPS about what had happened to Jude while in Lily's care...I read the report and it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. Phsyical, psychological and emotional abuse in every way. I cannot believe they didn't intervene sooner, but I guess that's why they had put Lily in the hospital when she had her next kid. I have met this other kid a few times, and they are more disabled than Jude but have many of the same issues. They also are hearing impaired in one ear, and there is some question about whether or not that was caused by a blow to the ear.

So my mum sold her house, left her husband (my stepdad of 20+ years) so that she could buy a house big enough to live in with Sam and Jude. They have all been living together for 2 years or more now, and just when there was a sense of relative stability...Sam goes and blows it all up.

He has been using again. He was in a steady relationship with a very nice woman (let's call her Maria) who left him when she found he was using. And somehow he started sleeping with Lily again. He was hiding her in my mum's house (she was hiding upstairs) and lying to any of us when we asked questions about what was going on. Even when LIly is there, she is neglectful of Jude. Like she literally ignores Jude and hides in Sam's room and doesn't interact with her child. She doesn't see her other child much either. And now she is pregnant. And I have no doubt that if she retains custody of this child she will abuse it.

My mum has decided that she will try to get custody of this baby, and that she will continue to let Sam live with her, and obviously Jude with them too. I have told her that she should kick Sam out and get custody of both Jude and the new baby (my uncle is a lawyer in the children's court so she could have free legal counsel on this). I have told her I will move in with her and rent my house out to cover my mortgage, and that I will help with both of these kids. The way I see it, they can be like siblings. I know it's naive and optimistic, but this kid deserves a good chance at life too.

My current situation is that I am a single woman and currently undergoing IVF to be a solo parent. I am literally in my two-week wait now to see if I am pregnant, and I also have some embyros frozen (to be clear, I am under the age of 35 and have no fertility issues. IVF is because I am single). The way I see it, I will be on maternity leave next year anyway, and could help my mum to raise the kid alongside my kid . I do not think Sam should continue to live in the house if he is doing drugs, and while he has said several times that he wants to stop, he takes no inititave. I have gone to meetings with him, I have tried to support him. But as long as he is living with my mum, he is enabled to do whatever he likes because she will always support him.

I am so furious with Sam. I cried when I found out that he had gotten Lily pregnant because I knew that my mum would want to take this burden on. She is in her mid 70s and already does SO much for Jude. Sam cannot even keep his part of the house clean, and I believe he is a mostly neglectful parent of Jude also. He also lied, continuously about Lily being pregnant. The reason I found out was because Maria told me. And why did she know? Because Lily sent her a series of mean messages, but basically gloated to her that she was pregnant with Sam's child to sort of scare Maria away (she had remained friendly with Sam and was trying to encourage him to get help - he was apparently lying to her as well about his efforts to get clean). When I confronted Sam, he literally said I was crazy and stupid to believe the lie, but of course she is more than 5 months pregnant now and there is a paternity test proving that he is the father.

The weird thing is that he doesn't even LIKE Lily. Like, he has shown nothing but literal hatred for her for the last decade, and has also been RIGHTFULLY angry that she did so much harm to their child. I confronted him about this and said that I could never forgive Lily for what she did for Jude, and I cannot believe he is sleeping with his child's abuser. He got sulky and said "fine I won't see her anymore" which he said every time I confronted him about his behaviour, but of course it never changed. I am also just so angry that he has the gall to let her stay over at my mum's house, while my mum has paid for it and has supported Jude because Jude's MOTHER is not capable of doing it. I told him that he would put our mother in an early grave with this bullshit, but he just does not seem to care.

Before all of this pregnancy stuff, at the beginning of the year, my mum asked me if I would ever consider moving in with her if she kicked Sam out, and if I would help out with Jude. I said yes, of course. But she has changed her mind since then and she said that she will never kick him out. We had a fight about it tonight at dinner and she said "you don't understand - he is my son. I bought this house for him. I can't just tell him to leave." So now I am also so angry at my mum.

I spoke to my uncle for legal advice, and to know what our options are. He said that we should just flag with this CPS but they likely will be monitoring her when she gives birth, and they may not let her have custody of this child, but we just won't know until it all happens.

I am willing to change my whole life to support my mum and this kid, but she is not willing to put in a boundary with my brother, who has been completely indifferent to this entire ordeal and seems to think that Lily will get custody because "she knows that she needs to ask for help when she's stressed" as if this negates the documented history of violent and abusive behaviour that this woman has enacted against her children. Sam also seems completely in denial about the seriousness of Lily's mental illness. She often has paranoid episodes and accuses people of trying to hurt her, steal from her, etc. My understanding is the reason her and the other boyfriend broke up was NOT because she strangled their child, but because she was completely convinced that he had a secret family and was constantly trying to find proof of this. Lily is dangeorus and mentally unstable. I am sympathetic to an extent - because I know that she is someone who has suffered greatly in her own life, but I cannot forgive the harm she has done to Jude, whom I love so dearly and like my own.

Do I push my mum? Do I try to move in anyway? There is enough room for me to also live there with my mum, Sam and Jude BUT I do not want to live with Sam because I do not want him around my child (if I get pregnant). Do I just leave it and let it sort itself out? My sister, who is also pregnant (and solo by choice) says to just worry about myself and my own baby - but who will take care of this kid when my mum is too old? Who will take care of Jude for that matter?

Sorry for the incredibly long rant. I am so exhausted.

My brother is very irritating, and not a single cell in my body loves him. I hate him. He is 6 years younger than me but behaves like he’s my older brother. My parents always take his side even when he is wrong, and I feel like they’ve discriminated between us just because I’m a girl.

What happened today was that he said, “Tu ab zyada din nahi hai yaha, jaldi shaadi karke chali jayegi,” even though my parents have no plans of marrying me off anytime soon. He also said, “Tera kuch nahi hai yaha. Ek baar tu gayi toh gayi, baad mein kuch nahi milega,” referring to the property.

I mean, he’s just 17 years old, I think. Who even thinks like this at that age? Even though I don’t want anything from my parents, why does he keep saying these things again and again?

Is this normal? Am I the problem? How do I deal with him?

Yes, you read that right.

I was 17/18 when I found out my mom was having an affair with an uncle who's close to my family. The uncle is married too who literally has a grandchild now. He's from my mom's hometown and he's a temple priest. I was having my government exam when I found their chat on her phone and it's literally the worst time to go through something like this. I was using it for my studies, then a chat came. Which obviously as a curious kid at the age, I opened and found things a child should never see. I was crying for days and weeks. Contemplating if I should confront or shut up about it. Not being able to act fine in front of her anymore. Feeling bad for my father. Thinking if I should at least let him know cause he deserves the truth. At the end, I didn't do anything. [If yall wanna know in more detail, can scroll down my past posts. I might have said more there since it's been years I found out about mom's.]

Then, years passed. I'm 21 now. My mom's affair is still going on. Few months ago came my dad's birthday. Dad's phone was on charge and a text notification came. There I saw. A woman wishing my dad "Happy birthday, we met at club 9 years ago and it's not been easy, but the best for sure". My reaction? I froze. I've seen this woman's name on his phone earlier this year and he was calling her 'Darling'. I thought I misread but no, there it was clear as daylight. I snapped a picture of the notification for whatever evidence.

I'm the first child and I have a younger sister. At the beginning no one knew about this affair except for me, I was sure. But now I think my sister might just know it. Maybe not as much as I do. Some may say it's their life and up to them, why should I bother. Yes of course, until you're the child witnessing not one but both your parents having an affair. I hear them talking to these people everyday. Walking away privately when they receive call from the person (i know since they have a specified ringtone for each). I'm so numb.

I have a boyfriend and he's the first person I shared everything to. Today my mom was supporting her favourite actor's affairs. There's pics and videos but she was calling them AI when she can't even differentiate an obvious AI dog video on Facebook. So I fought to her about it. Then when I was telling him what happened today with full anger like how can a person support such act just cause they're your favourite actor, his reply was "Don't be too mad over such things, let it be. You get mad too often over such small matters" repeatedly. I was reading the text with tears in my eyes. Yes, I'm known as the angry child since I was like 5. Plus I'm a girl, so it's always "as a girl it's not good to get this angry". So to hear this same thing from my boyfriend who knows exactly what I grew up witnessing and why I am how I am was simply so heartbreaking. I told him this will be the last I ever talk to him about it while he just kept apologising.

I just don't know. It's them who's having an affair but it's me who's so mentally affected and exhausted. Even if I try to share it finally, I'm told I'm being too much. What am I even supposed to do or how do I even take care of myself mentally?

TL;DR : Both my parents are in an extra marital affair and I'm mentally affected seeing it happening in my home everyday.