Am I fat or is my mom projecting?
Hi, this is my first reddit post so I’m sorry for any missing info. Me (17F) and my mom (55F) have been getting into arguments over my weight for a little while now. It started as her mentioning watching my weight when I go to eat fast food but turned into her slipping XL shorts into my laundry because she thinks that’s what will fit me. The thing is, I am an athlete. I typically have 1-2 months a year off from playing volleyball. So it’s not like I don’t get exercise. I’ve never been insecure about my weight either. I’m a big girl, 5’11 and about 165. I’ve been growing obviously and sometimes I think that maybe I’ve gained too much weight but I’m not unhealthy. Anyways, I feel like she’s been projecting her weight insecurities on me. My mom has struggled with GLP-1 use in the past. When she first started telling me that I needed a larger size leggings she forced me to pick out clothes that were a size larger than what I was already wearing. Now I admit that I was a little stubborn when being told to size up. But every time she talks about my weight or health it’s always “we”. She’s telling me that “we” need to go to the gym or “we” need to watch what we eat. I usually tell her that “we” don’t need to do anything since i exercise every week day. The most recent incident was tonight. I had gotten home from spending two days in the town over for a concert and some shopping. I got home around 6 PM and my mom hadn’t had anything cooked yet, so I was talking to her about grabbing wendy’s. I was about to leave when I tried to talk to her about how I felt fat for doing this. She then says “you and me both”. This kind of surprised me because for some reason I was expecting her to tell me that I’m not fat. So then I asked her, “Am I fat?”. She basically explained to me that WE need to watch our weight, so i repeated my question. I don’t even think she said no she just started to explain that I’m a big girl and I’m tall. At that point I was upset so I set down my keys and went to my room. This has been the first time I’ve really felt fat. I tried to go to the kitchen to grab some food but I don’t feel like eating. My mom didn’t even try to apologize or tell me that I’m not overweight. I still haven’t eaten anything and I’m not sure how to feel. I feel dramatic but I hate this. This isn’t like me but I’m tired of it always being “we” when I workout almost everyday and she doesn’t.
(i’ve attached a cropped photo of me for reference)
Update: I think my moms actually trying to manipulate me now. We went grocery shopping together today and she mentioned something about “we” again at checkout. I tried not to start a fight right there but I made sure she knew it wasn’t a “we” situation. We got home about 30 minutes ago and I brought it backup and referred to last night and the previous times that she’s referred to us needing to work out or “we” need to go to the gym. She started getting really angry with me and I believe i stayed pretty calm. I tried not to raise my voice or get defensive, I just tried to make her understand. She started telling me that saying “we need to go to the gym” is a normal thing that everyone says. She even told me she was referencing to everyone, like my dad and basically the world. She said that everyone needs to workout and everyone needs to eat healthy. I shut her down and told her that this is not something normal to say to a teenage girl who works out 5 days a week. I tried explaining to her that it’s not a “we” situation and that she might be projecting on me. I explained that it can really affect how I see myself and I teared up a little as I explained how I wasn’t able to eat last night because of what she said to me. She started telling me that I was “making her out to be a terrible villain” and that she was sorry if that’s how it came out. I then tried to explain to her that I know she wasn’t being malicious but it was probably her insecurities projected onto me. I kept trying to explain how I felt to her and she didn’t calm down. She then started getting angry and sad? She started crying a little bit and explained how she didn’t want me to end up like her sister, who struggles with weight problems and is not happy with her weight (she’s a similar height to me). She was kind of freaking out at this point, yelling and crying at the same time. She continued by telling me how my brother blames her for his weight problems when he was my age. (For context my brother has an eye disease which he took medicine for, the medicine made him crave starchy foods and my mom never really limited what he ate. He eventually gained a lot of weight but lost 100+ pounds during the end of highschool) She said she “couldn’t win for losing” and told me to leave her alone. I kind of just stood there confused because she lashed out quickly and snapped from angry to crying, not once really understanding what I was trying to say. Once she started crying like this I just said “You’re not getting any pity from me” and went to my room. It’s like her crying was fake because once I was in my room I heard no crying. She even called me out to ask if the pork she was cooking smelt bad (it did), no tears or anger. It’s like she reacted that way to try and get me to stop talking about it and right once I stopped, she acted like nothing happened. She’s now acting completely normal to me, still no apology, but I feel weird because I think she just really hardcore tried to manipulate me. I’m not sure how to feel or what to do. My dad should be able to help me once he’s home but he is a fisherman who leaves for about a week, so it’s just me and her in the house. He should be coming home tonight. Any tips on how to approach this or if it sounds like i’m actually being manipulated let me know thanks guys.
PS: I really appreciate all of your guys kind comments, I did end up getting wendy’s today for lunch!