My brother is getting married and I’m apparently not invited to any part of it.
I’m a recovered alcoholic and has been sober for more than 6 moths now and my brother is getting married soon.
What has made me really sad is that apparently I’m not invited to anything. Not the wedding, not the dinner, and not the party afterwards.
Most of my family apparently knew about the wedding months ago, but I was only told last month. When my brother told me, he also made it clear that I should completely stay away from everything. He wouldn’t tell me when or where the wedding was happening or give me any details. they don’t want me there. which i dont understand.
I asked if I could at least come to the wedding ceremony. He said no.
I told him that I could understand why they might not want me at the party. I can even understand being excluded from the dinner, although that hurts. But I genuinely cannot understand why I’m not even allowed to attend the actual wedding ceremony.
I asked if I could simply attend the ceremony, sit quietly, and leave immediately afterwards. I dont drink anymore at all, i wont cause any problems, or expect to be included in anything else. I just want to see my brother get married.
But the answer was still no.
I am sober now and I don’t drink anymore. I understand that my past behaviour may have damaged their trust in me, and I’m not trying to pretend that sobriety magically fixes everything. I know they’re allowed to have boundaries, even if those boundaries hurt me.
But I’m struggling with this emotionally. It feels like I’ve been completely shut out of the family while the rest of the family has known about this for months and kept it from me.
I’m also embarrassed to admit that I feel some pity for myself and maybe even a little spiteful about the whole thing. I don’t want to be that person, but I’m hurt and frustrated. I ofcourse bought them a very very nice wedding present because, despite everything, I love my brother and I genuinely want them to be happy.
I dont want to force my way into the wedding in any way. If they absolutely don’t want me there, I won’t show up uninvited.
I just don’t know how to process being excluded from something this important, especially when all I want is to quietly watch my brother get married and then go home.
Am I wrong for feeling hurt and resentful about this? And how would you handle this situation without making things even worse?
Thanks for reading and best regards a very sad brother..