u/xqzzyx

I'm so anxious and overwhelmed by the idea of time passing. It stresses me out so much. The idea that I'll soon be one year older, then the next year flies even faster. I feel so behind. I have countless movies/series to watch which I haven't watched yet. And I've been wanting to wach some for YEARS but never "had the time". Same with games, with books, etc. etc. I'm 17 and I'm scared that I'll blink and I'll be old already. I feel like I haven't done enough things I've wanted to. I haven't made the friends I wanted to. I feel like I don't really have any real ones but that's not what this post is about. I just feel like I haven't done enough and by every passing day I just feel like more and more time is out and wasted and I'm so stressed by it. Like time just goes and goes and goes and I just can't ever stop and relax because the time will keep going and that would stress me because what if I'm wasting it etc. Guys I wanna get a therapist. I've wanted that for over a year now but TIME PASSED and I'm so anxious. LIKE it's been a year already? oh. my. god. I feel like hours are so much shorter and days pass by super quicker than usual.

I'm overwhelmed.

Okay so I'm saying "one of my parents" because I don't wanna specify, sorry. So this parent, everytime they see something I did wrong they go out of their way to comment on it. To even lecture me sometimes. And I feel like I'm gonna sound like such a brat because these seem like such small things but they really aren't for me.

Let me give you an example.

Let's say you totally normally organize your shoes when you come home. BUT from TIME TO TIME you forget because of something, it's HUMAN, right? So one day, I forget to do it. And the parent is like "could you please organize your shoes tomorrow" and then I get mad because I just forgot, of course I would normally organize it and then the parent is like "yeah well I remember you don't always organize it." and I'm like, "like when? it never happens to you that you forget?" and then they always have something to say like, it happens to you *more* often or something and then they pull out the exact day you didn't organize it. And it goes all over again the next time you forget.

Please tell me you get it.

Please.

It's not only shoes, it's *everything.*

It's telling like, how they *view me* too in a way. Get it?

Or am I the problem?

By the way, I'm 17. And I don't know if it's good or bad. If I should be ashamed that I sometimes forget or valid because I'm seventeen and they should actually view me as capable or I don't know how to describe it.

Okay so I'm saying "one of my parents" because I don't wanna specify, sorry. So this parent, everytime they see something I did wrong they go out of their way to comment on it. To even lecture me sometimes. And I feel like I'm gonna sound like such a brat because these seem like such small things but they really aren't for me.

Let me give you an example.

Let's say you totally normally organize your shoes when you come home. BUT from TIME TO TIME you forget because of something, it's HUMAN, right? So one day, I forget to do it. And the parent is like "could you please organize your shoes tomorrow" and then I get mad because I just forgot, of course I would normally organize it and then the parent is like "yeah well I remember you don't always organize it." and I'm like, "like when? it never happens to you that you forget?" and then they always have something to say like, it happens to you more often or something and then they pull out the exact day you didn't organize it. And it goes all over again the next time you forget.

Please tell me you get it.

Please.

It's not only shoes, it's everything.

It's telling like, how they view me too in a way. Get it?

Or am I the problem?

By the way, I'm 17. And I don't know if it's good or bad. If I should be ashamed that I sometimes forget or valid because I'm seventeen and they should actually view me as capable or I don't know how to describe it.

I really wanna experience a lucid dream. I've tried before but I don't think it worked. So how did you all do it? How do I even know I'm lucid dreaming? How does it feel like? Like does it actually feel "real"? Can you feel your sleeping body or what? How do I lucid dream help

If you do not like pineapple pizza just don't order it duh

This is gonna be a long vent.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm questioning my gender 24/7. I'm 17F biologically but I don't know if I'm trans, genderfluid or something. I always feel this kind of masculine feeling and I don't like it.. I've never felt "girl enough" around other girls. I feel like other girls view me as this masc lesbian or something. I just never feel like "one of them" and it lowkey makes me depressed.

I've read some bls and gls but I've definitely read more gls. I admire the relationship they have in gls, like, when they're both feminine and equal and stuff.. I wish I could have that. But I feel like I never could. I feel like I'm too masculine or something. And I don't like the masc x fem dynamic. I don't want that. Sometimes I feel like as if there was a man inside of me. And sometimes I feel other women view me as a man. As a man pretending to be a woman. This sounds nuts, but please tell me you get it.

Even if I was a trans guy, I'm scared I'd never really feel like a real guy. I'd never get bottom surgery and I feel like it'd be hard to find love like that. I could picture myself as a guy in a mlm relationship... or even a straight one. I don't know... but I don't know if I want that. I just admire wlw so much and like, I wish I could be that. But I feel like I don't feel like that. I don't know.

Also I feel like men are perceived rather negatively than positively by women and society. Like, I feel like so many women hate men. Like, these "bear over a man" things... I don't wanna feel like a threat.. I also feel like men are viewed as "less mature" emotionally and stuff. I'd also say about myself that I love children. I feel like people view a man who loves children differently than a women who does so.. it's just sad.

I just don't know. I'm confused about my gender af so I'd really appreciate some advice or if you've had any experience with being trans or something like that... I feel really depressed about all this, as if uncomfortable in my own body by this point.. I feel really lost. I don't know if I'm in denial, or if I'm really girl. It's so draining...

Thank you so much if you've read all of this, I really appreciate it.

Hi I don't know if this is the right community to post in, also this is my first post so I don't really know much how Reddit works so be kind please.😭

Anyways, to the thing.

I'm 17 and honestly feel like my parents don't really fit well together as people. They both almost never apologize and instead of finding the issue while arguing it feels like that it's just a battle of who is right. I'm more on my mom's side tho. My dad is kind of really defensive. I mean, to put it this way. They don't really "argue" much but there's just often this tension in the air. Like, almost everyday. Arguments never get resolved, no one ever apologizes. (Even to me if it's something with me) It just "disappears with time" as we slowly forget about it. (Even tho deep in my mind I always feel like something isn't right) When there's tension between them two it's mostly that dad did something and he isn't thinking enough to realize so my mom is quietly mad and stuff. Even I realize bruh. It feels like my dad doesn't really have much empathy. Even I have felt like that towards him. I just honestly think that my mom should divorce my dad and find someone who gets her. Because it feels like my dad doesn't. You know? Also I know that couples therapy exists but like. I honestly feel like the best option would be for them to split. I don't know... I lowkey feel bad or like guilty talking about my parents like this and thinking that they should divorce... :/

Anyways, thanks for reading. I might delete this later if I feel guilty enough:,/