family advice
I am a 16 year old girl in Mongolia (central asia). I live with my mom, dad, and two younger brothers (one is 11 years old which I’ll later on refer to as A and the other one is 3, who I will refer to as B).
My family roles are VERY conservative and traditional. My dad is a deadbeat mf who works just like my mom is not fewer hours but never contributes to house chores or anything and occasionally takes care of my youngest brother. Furthermore, he hits me and yells me whenever I have fights with A. I feel bad for my mother bc she often works long, demanding hours (not blue collar jobs, she’s some kind of boss at a bank and my father is also in the finance industry) so, aa the eldest daughter I step up and basically take care of everything-cooking, cleaning, and fending for myself and my siblings- along with my studies (I’m going to be junior year in September).
However, I often feel overwhelmed and overlooked. I know that ever since A was born he has been my parents’ favorite-it’s no secret. My father knows that A is my mother’s favorite, however, the jury is still out on whether or not A is my dad’s favorite. You may feel inclined to think that “Oh, every child feels that way and every parent loves all their children equally”. However, I strongly believe this is not the case here. On multiple occasions my father would hit me for having a quarrel with A and would worry more about him getting hurt than B and I. And don’t even get me started on my mom. She defends him against anyone and everyone. Her little genius boy can do no wrong in her eyes-every and any wrongdoing done by A has some sort of justification. All of my extended family members believe he is often neglected by my parents bc whenever they come in contact with me or my parents, A is always in his room playing games on his phone and he prefers it that way. He is an utterly disgusting lazy mf (gets FURIOUS when asked to run to the store which is less than 30m from our home)and only gets away with that only bc he has a weiner. He cooks what I make and never cleans after himself. And god forbid he fries and egg (bc that is the only “cooking” he can do) bc if I tell him to washthe plates and pans he dirtied, he takes a long ass fucking sigh and does a rushed job while also managing to spill water everywhere. Whenever I get mad and try to tell my parents this, they just turn a blind eye. When I was his age (I know I sound like a boomer but bear with me please) I looked after my 6 year old brother, got him from his school which is far from my school, cook dinner, and clean the house before my parents got home.
During my summer break this year and last year, I looked after B while A got to actually enjoy summer and hang out with his friends. I cooked and cleaned all day while dealing with a screaming, crying, moody ahh toddler, while he went to his friends house. My parents take all this for granted and I have told them thatI want to go out but they usually say, there is no one else to look after my brothers. My main issue with BOTH my parents is that why give birth to your children if you can’t take care of them yourselves and have your eldest child take care of them at the cost of your one and only daughter’s childhood and studies.
Right now, this is my last straw. My mother is going to Australia to help my aunt and uncle look after the newborn baby bc they have jobs and one is studying abroad. My parents have decided to send A along with my mother even though school starts in almost 10 days. My uncle insisted that A was to come to Australia which I was surprised bc he practically raised me when I was small while my parents where working so I considered myself pretty close to him but then I remembered all the times he forgot about me and instead had fun (like take them out to dinner or the movies which is an absolute blast when you’re 8) with my male cousins. This is not the only issue as I am staring the IB program next year. This means I will have classes back to back from 7.45am until 6pm. With A gone, there will be no one to get B from daycare (this is the only thing he does around the house and is always complaining about it). I told my mom and dad this issue but to no avail, they told me to deal with it bc my mon and A will be gone for “only” a month. The final decision to send A with my mother has been today and I have been upset ever since I was told this. My mom mocked me to my father my making a clownish frowning face while making boohoo gestures to my father and I got mad. I have been mad ever since that happened but my mom hit me a while ago saying that I had no reason to be mad and that I was out of bounds.
I know this is wrong but I often times resent B for being born bc had he not been born, I wouldn’t have to clean the house everyday and solely focus on my studies even though it is my parents fault (they didn’t plan for him to be born and got cared away with doing the boombayah one night and conceived him). Nonetheless, I still love B and he is the cutest.
I am someone who has severe confrontational issues (I legit ghosted my bf bc I couldn’t tell him that I wanted to break up). What do I do? Every single day I cry thinking about my situation. And not to mention, I gained 10kg ever since summer break started and that has not benefitted my mental health at all. I’m seriously debating whether or not I should just end it all. Please give me advice.