Life As Lost/Bad Mom/Person
This life is stressing me out. I think I’m honestly miserable in my own life. I am just a mom 24/7 when I have free time at night I just sit on my phone and forget about all the things I looked forward to doing when night time and final solo time came. Im always annoyed with my partner, he just bothers me. Everything feels so programmed and fake and pointless. All I talk about is what my partner is lacking in our parent ship, what I wish I could do in my life, how I want to do different things but never do. All I want is coffee and sweet drinks. I don’t want to entertain anyone, my kids, bf no one not even myself sometimes, I just want to sleep. I’m stressed about the world chaos going on and how I need to “get right with Jesus” but I don’t even think know if religion is real anymore. I had a small spiritual enlightenment that it’s not but it’s about the relationship and alignment with self and Jesus teaches you how to do so, but I don’t even want to do that….Simply meditate. I have no desire for nothing…. On top of this I’m filled with anxiety, at bedtime, talking to ppl, thought of daycare, avoiding the park after 12pm cause ppl might be there but get too lazy to go in the AM. I’m ruining my kids life man, and I’m the only one parenting them, I’m the one doing it all except paying rent…
I wake up crave coffee, make breakfast, work, play with kids, clean the house, (think about everything I can do when the kids gts), work, be on my phone, read to kids, be on my phone, work, clean, vacuum, play with kids, make dinner, complain about bf, watch his tv show, put kids to sleep, stay up til 1am on my phone……… repeat next day….. its all feeling pointless and I don’t know where to start to stay feeling happy… I have 1 happy week out of the month, the rest is depressed or feeling meeeh. Just chill….. anyone else or I have problems???? I just feel alone and not driven.