Was I dating an avoidant?
Sorry for the long post.
I F28 recently got dumped by M29 randomly over text on Sunday after he got back from a vacation with his friends. He said “after 6 months he didn’t feel we were getting any closer. Our personalities/interests were way too different and one of us would always have to compromise. He didn’t feel in love with me and wasn’t sure if that was going to change in the future”. It’s true that we have different personalities and interests (I’m introverted/he’s extroverted) but I always felt good after spending time with him and I was trying new activities which he wanted to do which were outside my comfort zone. I tried to be as communicative as possible when I didn’t like something he did and he seemed to take it positively. He also said he really liked me and even introduced me to his sister last month. I thought we had a secure relationship built on open communication which was progressing well.
The breakup came as a shock because last week, things seemed so normal. He calls me during his trip and tells me he’s bought stuff for me. He also invited me to his citizenship ceremony which was supposed to happen today (he broke up with me on Sunday). Invited me to be his +1 to a party which was supposed to happen the day he broke up with me. I am also planning to move into my own apartment and last week he tells me he’s going to help me move out and we’re going to spend more time together.
On Sunday morning at 8:30 he texts me saying his friend who’s hosting the party has cooked vegetarian food for me. And then at 9:30 am he texts me saying we need to talk etc. and doesn’t even call me. I called him because i just wanted clarity. He said we were too different and he wanted his partner to be his +1 for all
the activities he wanted to do. Feels very hurtful as I was really trying to make an effort and try things he liked.
I did ask him about his past relationships and he told me they typically lasted for 6-7 months because he didn’t feel like they were the one. So maybe that was red flag i missed. He also admitted on the breakup
call he needs therapy.
Are these signs of avoidant attachment?