I've been writing this piece since the early summer, and I've had so much difficulty trying to find a place for it to sit as far as style/sound/feeling/authenticity, and it has been driving me absolutely insane!!! I play it several times a day to try to get it refined to a point where I feel like it's DONE, but it's just not getting there as far as I'm concerned. The only thing more difficult to properly write than a slow song is a happy song..

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However, I'm taking some of the previous feedback from previous posts and sharing it anyway for critique. It's not a perfect take for sure, but I'm looking for any insight/feedback/critique/ possible directions that I can continue to push this towards, and also whether you feel like this is post worthy or not on social media platforms.

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I also love reading everybody trying to discern what the piece is about. Thanks so much for any input you can give. I truly appreciate you, your time, and your support!

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June

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(Verse 1)

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I'm not letting on

That there's too much grass in between

Here and there

And i might burn it on my way

Back to you

Now with everything in bloom

here's to you

Here's to all that you are

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(Instrumental bridge)

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(Verse 2)

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So what's the use

When worlds were spinning on their end

To hide the news

That horror's screaming through your door

How's the wounds?

Likely scarring here in June

They're from all that you guard

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(Bridge)

So long

So long

So long

I'd trade you moments for the sun

Time for wisdom in the wrong

So long

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-Instrumental-

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(Verse 3)

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I write to you

With words that shimmer off the pen

About the view

And all the love that you'll endure

Now in June

Days are falling back in tune

It's for all that you are.

This is my second time sharing a (somewhat) completed piece of music on the internet. The feedback that I received from you guys on my first post was so incredibly useful and I can't be more thankful for this platform. Because of that, this is the first place that I'm sharing it. If you have a minute or two, please give this a listen and let me know what you think, what I can improve upon, what is terrible, and anything else you can think of.

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Thanks so much!!

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Tyrant

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(Verse 1)

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My little rose in blight

Your rot shows through the white

You skinned back

Those veils that you had

But I feel it in my bones

And it's leering out the phone

You're not alone

And he's all I'm looking for

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(Chorus)

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Come on out

Big man

So I can welcome you with lead

Made for your skin

Come on out

Big man

Before I burn this fuckin field down

That you're laying in

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(Verse 2)

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Here you are

Out lurking in the black

You're playing games among the rats

You sealed in

The end that you win

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(Verse 3)

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Now it's time

Just show me both your backs

I said show me both your backs

I said show me both your bags

And dig in

To the dirt that you win

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(Chorus 2)

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Quiet down

Dead man

So I can welcome you with lead made for your skin

Quiet down

Dead man

Can you smell the rotten pine needles

That you're burning in?

I struggle quite a bit with objectivity while listening back to my own music that I've written. In fact, I absolutely hate it, and have for a very long time. I'm a musician that has been playing instruments for over twenty years, and spent quite a bit of time in cover bands, but never was able to bring myself to sing on stage. Always attempted to hide in the back ranks and had difficulty even doing backup vocals, and even at that, only did so when it was absolutely necessary. Needless to say, to get to this point where I'm sharing on the internet is quite a huge step for me. I would say that it's even more difficult for me to do than it is to play and perform my own songs on stage.

Two years ago I set out on a mission to create MY OWN songs. I didn't have a particular sound or genre in mind, nor did I have any idea what I was really doing or where I was going with it. All that I knew was that I needed to make things that were important to me, and show my kids (That I've been raising entirely on my own for 7 years) that fear is not a reason to not do the things that you want in life.

When I play gigs/festivals, I get pretty positive feedback, but there's part of me that thinks that the feedback that I'm receiving is simply out of kindness for my solo effort on stage. In any case, I'm hoping that I can get some objective feedback on structure, flow, and lyrics on a completely raw phone recording of one of my "Folk'ish" songs.

I appreciate your time in listening to it, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Apple Mountain Crows

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(Verse 1)

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'Bout to sell everything I own

And make my way from this road

That knows no names

The rabbit won't know the bills

Are needing paid

Or that he's late to getting better

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(Pre-Chorus)

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So how about you baby,

What you running away from?

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(Chorus)

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Let it out and go

You let it out

When you roam

You roam

You roam

Let it out and go

Find your ground

Near those apple mountain crows

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(Verse 2)

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There's a little truth in everything,

You know?

It's just like I say

But I'm a fella today

The river wanders off its beating way

And washes away everything

We'll ever say

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(Pre-Chorus)

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How about you babe,

Where you heading off to now?

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(Chorus)

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Let it out and go

You let it out

When you roam

You roam

You roam

Let it out and go

Find your ground

Near those apple mountain crows

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(Bridge)

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Low mourning bird

Sing what you know

That when you run

you're running towards a home

Just part your hair

And sing along

'Cause you'll never know

You'll never know