u/AddamsThing

I know there’s “catching fleas” but I was acting and living a life that was so fragmented from my true being. I know who I am, the values I always had and acts I always took. But with her especially towards the end I was a completely different person. Now I have the guilt of being the person who did those things for instance, I read her diary during a splitting episode where she had an attempt and would call her extremely hurtful names.

Did you experience the same or am I just a different person than I thought I was?

To me it summed up my ex perfectly. I feel incredibly sorry for her to have such torment in her mind each day.

One scene in particular when the main character Lizzie splits on her close friend - “Lizzie, I'm not crying because you're mean. I just can't imagine how incredibly painful it must be to be you.”

While you watch ultimately they are suffering from the explosions of the person being “mean”.

It seems most people’s experience is where they left and were endless chased. But for those discarded, what happens afterwards?

I know my ex anytime she blocked me before the final discard would always leave me unblocked somewhere where she would admit she wished I reached out on. But when it’s a universal block this wasn’t possible.

Seems to be an anthem of those who were in a relationship with a pwBPD.

Is there any others?

It’s clear being with a pwBPD messes with your head and makes you act totally out of character. It’s only when you escape their hell that you can look back and realise it. But with that perspective comes guilt. So what have you done that you later regret?

I after a my ex pwBPD attempted suicide and I prevented them from doing it, went through her journal as I felt so confused, in aviation they use the term “in the soup” when pilots enter clouds and become completely disorientated - that’s how I was feeling at the time as logic did not exist and emotions were erratic. However, it’s a huge boundary that nobody should ever cross and I did.

It feels like every thought, every memory, every emotion eventually just turns to guilt