Independent women, help me out 🙏
Hey everyone,
I'm a 27-year-old East Asian woman currently living in San Francisco. I came here for my master's degree and met my boyfriend while studying. We've been together for about a year and a half now. Things got pretty serious, we've met each other's families and spend almost every day together.
He works as a developer in AI, so he's financially stable and doing well. I'm in the middle of job hunting here, which is incredibly stressful as a foreigner on a visa. My family is well off back in Korea, but I'm in my late 20s, and I don't want their help anymore ,,I want to stand on my own. The uncertainty still gets to me, though. Anxiety hits harder than I expected.
Because of that, I find myself leaning on him more than I'd like to. Wanting support, wanting reassurance. But he's not really the type to hold you through it. He believes in pushing people to stand on their own. When I mentioned I was running low on money or needed help with moving, his response was something like, "You should just ask your dad." Matter-of-fact. No warmth.
It stings every time. And I keep asking myself, is this a cultural thing? Is this just American individualism? Or is this a red flag I'm not seeing clearly because I'm already in a vulnerable place?
I want to be independent. I genuinely do. I don't want to need anyone. I don't want to feel small. But right now I feel like I'm fighting on too many fronts at once. Career, finances, visa, identity,, and I have no one here who just... gets it.
To the women who've built themselves up in a foreign country, who got through the hard season without losing themselves:
How did you stop needing people to save you and actually start believing you didn't need saving?