almost one year…
My ex left me “out of nowhere” after almost 6 years together. We were together basically every single day and practically living together at that point, so the breakup completely blindsided me. What hurts the most is that he already seemed to have a “backup”, a girl from work, either before or immediately after ending things with me.
Looking back, his behavior feels more avoidant than openly narcissistic. It seems like he emotionally checked out long before the breakup, lined up another connection so he wouldn’t have to deal with being alone, and then detached completely once he left.
The confusing part is that after the breakup he still met up with me multiple times. During those conversations, I directly asked him if he was involved with someone else or with that coworker, and he always denied it. At the same time, he also tried getting into my accounts more than once after the breakup, which made me think maybe he still cared or wanted some kind of emotional control/connection. But the moment I confronted him about it, he stopped and never tried again.
For months I was stuck between believing him and trusting my gut. Then in March, almost a year after the breakup, I saw him in person with the coworker and her mother, which basically confirmed everything I had suspected all along.
That’s the part I still struggle to process. How does someone spend nearly 6 years attached to you every day, practically sharing a life with you, then emotionally move on so fast while denying everything to your face? Part of me wonders if avoidants suppress emotions and avoid guilt by emotionally replacing people before officially leaving, or if I’m just trying to make sense of behavior that was simply selfish and dishonest.