I got exponentially ugly over the past 3 years and it has been rough
It was quite different when I was still a student at my university. I had a fairly decent dating life and I often used to get attention online , I even had a few girls confessing to me that I was once their crush.
However , everything is different now. These past 2 years i have been working very hard for my mom's treatment ( dad left when I was 7 so it's just us now). She had a terminal illness which took way longer than expected to solve. She faced mental health problems induced from this illness which eventually affected me too. I had to take anti depressents and got addicted to sleeping pills which made me gain a lot of weight. Making matters worse , my hair has been falling drastically, maybe because of the stress or maybe genetics. I don't know. Basically i now have a huge nuke crater on the back of my head.
Life is different now. I haven't been loved , or even hugged by a girl in years. I'm grateful to Allah that my mom is healthy now and is living a normal life , but mine seemed to change forever.
I have been hitting the gym and lost like half of the weight I gained but , it's just not the same. My face looks weird with that bald spot in my crown. I can't see it with my own eyes unless I see myself in a cctv footage . And when I see it , i freeze . I think to myself , i am absolutely disgusting now , how on earth can anyone be remotely attracted to this.
I lose sleep because of this . The weight , the bald spot , the overall shape of my face. I used to post tons of pictures and be very active online. Now I've opened new accounts and mostly keep to myself.
My co workers will often see bald and old people ( 10-20 years older than me) and go like , hey , he looks like you doesn't he?.
One female co worker who i really vibed with , 2-3 years older than me and really felt a sibling like connection with her , told me that I should worry less , or else the stadium on my head will get bigger.
It feels like.... I am living in a different world now. I know we will all lose our looks at some point in our lives as we get older, so I wish I didn't care how other people reacted to this. But I really do. I hate seeing the admiration fade from womens eyes when they see me , a stark contrast to what it was like before.
This is the first time I've opened up about this. I never really let anyone understand how bothered I am by this. I feel better now , thanks.