u/Additional_Dig_2557

Hey leaves community, I’m clean for 9 weeks now after almost 20 years of daily use. But since last week I’m so tempted to buy and use it let’s say once a week or so.

Did anyone watched the bloody marry episode of South Park where Randy gets caught driving while drunk and has to attend AA meetings and then looks for a miracle for cure his drinking.

At the end of the episode Stan gives Randy this speech

-Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, 'n you've never learned any discipline at all.

-But, maybe... I'm just the kind of person who needs to have it all or nothing.

-Naw. All or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that'sa disciprine. Disciprine... come from within.

Im thinking about this this a lot lately.Trying to avoid weed all the time feels like it’s still controlling my life and it takes a lot of energy.

What does the community thinks about this I wonder?

Yesterday I bought some flower and rolled up a joint just to see how it’s going to effect me coz it was the first time that I had such a long break from weed. I was expecting that it will make me feel bad but omg it was such an terrible experience. My anxiety was through the roof and all the negative emotions spiraling in my brain. I just went to bed feeling awful and for the first time since I quit I had terrible nightmares. Today I throw out the rest of it. Wish I never tried it after achieving almost 2 months but now I know I’m never ever going to smoke again. This experience will help me stop romanticizing weed from now on.Hope this helps you out somehow