Am I jealous of my in laws or ungrateful?
Let me just preface this by saying I’m not looking for sympathy or to rant. I’m trying to workout out this issue in my head and need some advice.
So me and my husband have been married a year and both make good money alhumdulilah. He pays for all the expenses as well trips and I usually get my own extra luxuries like my Pilates membership.
He hates his job but is currently doing it so he can secure financial security, buy a house and have back up income for when he pursues another career. I respect his hustle and try very hard to not burden him with my own expenses and try my best to help budget spending. I don’t ask for anything above the essentials.
Because of this I’m also saving as we agreed I will not work when I’m pregnant or have kids, so I’m trying to save now so I also have a back up plan just in case.
Now here is my issue. My husband has two sisters- both work but have much lower incomes than us both and one is also married. However they demand a lot of stuff from him. In the year we’ve married every other week I receive a package for his sisters- everything from clothes, jewellery, phones, expensive supplements. I’m sure there are packages and gifts I’m also not aware of. We discussed it and I let him know I was feeling jealous and he bought me a gift at the time to make me feel better. Over the year I’ve come to terms with this situation and have reminded myself this a good trait and that hes a generous man. I believe if I needed something too and asked him he would treat me the same.
But then a month ago he had a hard discussion with me about his budget and said he hadn’t managed to save a dollar last year (there was lots of stuff for this but I think a lot was due to the few honeymoons we had and buying a house). He said he didn’t want the same thing to repeat this year and asked me what I can do to help with this. I was quite upset because I already don’t ask him to cover my extras and I’m already trying very hard to manage the household spending too.
We had quite the fight as I felt like he wasn’t spending on me anyways and I’m already stretched.
He told me that Islamically his role is to provide food, shelter and clothes ONLY. And whilst I know he does this something in me is resentful because all these dollars I’m trying hard to save him and checking for deals all day and then anything I save him he will just spend on his sisters and all the random stuff they are always ordering.
The hardest part was he bought me a lovely birthday and anniversary gift and I was so happy with the gifts (literally over the moon happy) and I found out later he bought his sister the same gifts. He got her slightly cheaper versions as a way to differentiate but still it made the gifts feel way less special (I know I sound jealous and ungrateful).
Then later he explained to me that his father never ever said no to his sisters and they’ve always had whatever they want. And he’s always raised my husband to make sure that he knows after he dies it’s his responsibility as well to make sure his sisters are cared for. He told me that he knows his sisters are demanding and he doesn’t want them to get divorced over their demands so he’s taken it upon himself to make sure that they’re not burdens on their husbands financially.
Now I’m not sure exactly what my thought processes should be, I’m jealous yes I know. And I’m also anxious because I know he feels I have a high income so I don’t need him as much and he knows I’m saving for the future too- but I’m his wife I don’t want to support myself, I want to feel taken care of. And I’m also upset because I feel I’m cutting back only for that money to go for absolutely unnecessary stuff for his sisters. I just don’t know what to say or do or if I’m overreacting and being ungrateful.