u/AdenJax69

I posted this last week when we were supposed to have our scheduled sex time. Just to recap the obvious: It didn't happen.

Wife (43 FLL) and I (43 MHL) were on for Friday this week. Technically-speaking. She never mentioned anything about it beforehand. She DID mention some of the issues she was having this week. That's the norm though, there's ALWAYS something happening to her. Always.

So I sat back to see what would happen and sure enough, it's Friday, not a hint or mention about it. I fully expected it so I'm not shocked or bothered in the slightest. Hard to be when you're so aware of how sex just can't really ever happen in these conditions.

For those of you thinking "why didn't you talk to her or initiate it? Maybe she was waiting for you?" Well I know my wife well enough that when she's complaining of certain ailments in the below-the-belt region, that's a no-go for anything sexual whatsoever. She may be intentionally indicating that or not, but either way it never happens, and add today to the pile.

The best part? We're about a month out from when I sat down with her a year ago to talk about our sex life. She said a lot of things during that talk, about how she was sorry for disconnecting, about how she felt bad about neglecting things, and how we were going to finally fix things. In that moment & even the first few months, I believed that things were turning around. That she finally had her wake-up call that sleep-walking through our marriage wasn't going to work for me. I wasn't bitter, sad, or even fatalistic - I legitimately thought we might have turned a corner.

Well, almost one year later, I realize my faith was misplaced. We weren't fixing anything. It was a stop-gap, or even a good amount of "hysterical bonding," but change? People don't really change, do they? Our partners are who they are and deep-down, we don't want to admit it, because once we do, there's no un-ringing that bell and we can no longer pretend to hope that maybe some time in the future, THAT'S when things will change.

Next Friday our kid has the day off for Memorial Day Weekend, so I think we can go right ahead and add another 0 in the L-column because let's face it, if she really wanted to truly fix our sex life, she would've already.

My wife & I have been working on our sex life since June of last year (We're both 43 years old). We've been in a sexless marriage situation since our kid was born (they turn 8 in the summer) but haven't really worked on things until recently. Things started great, but as you can guess, they've been slowly sliding back to the status quo.

My wife recently apologized for not being in the mood much "lately" (par for the course, so not sure why she'd apologize like it's an anomaly), so we agreed to try scheduling it for every Friday. We both work from home so sex happens during work hours. She has zero desire for sex when our kid is here so weeknights & weekends are a no-go. Well, my wife completely forgot our kid had a day off this Friday (which is funny because she's usually very aware of these events), so she said "why not Wednesday?" As expected, Wednesday didn't happen, so we agreed to today. I was skeptical because she had not been feeling great this week (always a pre-cursor to zero intimacy happening), but I stayed positive, didn't act annoyed or anything, and continued to be loving, caring, affectionate, etc.

Also - our kid has a half-day today so we can only get the "deed" done before noon. So we have a 4-hour window. My wife sauntered up to my office door this morning around 9:30am and said the following:

"I know this isn't romantic or anything but I've got a lot to do today, so I can pencil you in right now for a couple of minutes if you want."

She was also leaning on the door-jam to my office like she was half-asleep and completely uninterested in anything whatsoever.

I just sat there for a beat, chuckled, and told her "nah, that's okay."

She then went on to complain about yet another thing in her day and then left with "these are the pitfalls of our lives, unfortunately" as if to say that it was divine intervention that stopped intimacy from happening this week, instead of, you know, her.

But hey, next Friday our kid has school, so it'll definitely happen, right? She'll be so ready & in the mood, she might even want to have sex sooner! That's a thing that happens to people who don't ever really prioritize sex, right???

At this point all I can do is just laugh at the reality that a couple minute-quickies whenever she deems it appropriate is the best we can do, but it definitely has nothing to do with me, it's all her and I shouldn't feel bad about it.

And anyone who believes that nonsense is fooling themselves. Marriages don't happen in a vacuum and what you do or don't do affects your partner whether you want it to or not.