r/sexlessmarriage

So here I am again on the verge of tears, realizing I haven’t had sex in a year. Pass couple of years I had to beg for it. I have tried initiating it a lot by wearing sexy clothes, kissing him, sexting, sitting on his lap, begging him to put it in my mouth. Yes that’s right no oral either. I feel like I’m giving up on this I’m tired of begging someone to want me. Worse thing our anniversary of 15 years is coming up, I guess I’ll be the one to plan that too! Just tired.

I’m 26F and my husband is 36M. We have been together for 5 years. Sex was pretty great at first but when I look back it was mostly me who initiated it and I was the more passionate one. The sex has always been very “vanilla” and it no longer excites me. We do have sex 3-5 times a month but it’s become very unsatisfying and feels forced. He only lasts about a minute. Hardly any foreplay and it’s pretty terrible. I never needed to use lube before but I just can’t get excited enough to get wet down there anymore. He just smashes my clit and does everything too fast. He won’t go down on me unless it’s “69”.

I really don’t know how to talk to him about this. Anytime I have carefully tried to bring it up , he says I make him insecure and then he won’t want to have sex with me for a while.

I would consider myself attractive and I get a lot of male attention when I’m out and about. Men look at me a lot when I’m out with him as well.

I have a longing for passionate sex or rough sex or anything that would make me feel something.. I feel like I have made a mistake. I’m afraid I am wasting my youth. I know there is someone out there for me who would love to have sex with me every day but now I feel like I am stuck in a sexless loveless marriage.

My husband and I had some marriage issues and over the past 6 years or so our sex life hasn’t been good. My husband has rejected me and reasons are because “I do not make him feel respected”. Mind you he also has a history of domestic violence and he had a drinking problem and he has since gotten better from both.

So I have made sure to show that I do and I dress in sexy lingerie, I’m fit, people tell me all of the time how attractive I am. Well the man at home apparently doesn’t think so.

So at this point, I now am no longer attracted to him. He doesn’t give off sexual energy to me and the rejection has just caused so much hurt. I’m super horny and for me time is running out as I am a female and menopause quickly approaching even though I am on HRT

I have told him many times our marriage is dead. We are roommates at this point. There is no passion, no male/female energy. That’s why I’m not attracted to him. He doesn’t give off any sexual energy to me so there’s nothing for me to be attracted to.

He told me the other day he feels like I think he is just my business partner. I told him yes I don’t know what you expect we don’t have a “marriage” anymore we are just friends. I said I don’t even know why we kiss goodnight at bedtime. It just feels weird and a “task” like we don’t kiss at all other times so why then? Cause gottmans said to?

So I am giving up on any lingerie or hopes that we will have a sexual relationship anymore. I’d like to hear how it has gone for you after you give up any hope but still stick around.

I am sticking around because I don’t feel like upheaving my entire life right now. My job is exhausting and I’d rather focus on just getting my life organized and finding hobbies and maybe some religion. I want peace.

Maybe it's my fault.

We have a young kid so the only time we have alone is generally after he goes to sleep around 8:30pm. Every night, my wife goes to sleep at the same time as him. This happens even on days she takes a nap.

Maybe she is really tired. Maybe she needs that extra sleep. Maybe she just doesn't want to deal with me.

Before you start: I'm the primary parent. I do the majority of the daycare on a daily basis and have done so since he was born. I work 40-50hr per week. She works 20-30hr. I do all dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. I take her on dates, bring her gifts, let her know she is loved, etc. I barely get anything in return besides explanations she talked to her therapist about why she can't do anything.

I (29F), married to my (28M) husband for 7 years now. We started off as very intimate and our bedroom life was amazing. And we are like best friends even now.

Unfortunately, I’ve had 2 miscarriages/ectopic pregnancies. So we still don’t have kids. He’s open to adoption but for me I still want to try conceiving because the doctors said it’s still possible.

In the span of 5 months, we’ve only had sex for 7 times. And I feel like he’s purposefully not having sex with me with the fear of impregnating me again.

Although I have caught him cheating(emotionally) and is fond with porn. I’m afraid he’s resorting to that and or might be sleeping with someone else.

I want to talk to him about it but he’s dismissing me by saying that I should stop being horny because he’s “not” horny at all.

Im very confused and I don’t know what to do.

28F here.
Been married to my husband (28M) for 2.5 years now and for the last 8 months, we have not has any sex.
He claims it’s because he is stressed with work and life and is seeing a therapist about it but I have caught him multiple times masturbating over porn.
I can’t lie that every time I think about it I cry and even worse is that I still keep begging him for it. I don’t like how it makes me feel and my mental health is starting to deteriorate because of this.

Should I just leave him ?

I've been in basically a sexless marriage with sex happening about once a month if I'm lucky. She will not give blow jobs or do anything to help me out and even suggested I go to a massage parlor for happy endings or something. She said whatever I do, she just doesn't want to know about it.

So long story short, a friend has a high libido girlfriend and we got to talking about my situation and one thing led to another but I started getting blow jobs from her and now we fuck too. She's petite and very girl next door hot and it's been great. Her boyfriend is there most times so yes he knows about this. My wife has even noticed a difference in me being happier.

I don't want to leave my wife. We get along well otherwise and she's a great mom to our kids. I feel guilty but I don't know if I should say something to my wife or just don't say anything since she probably won't want to know. How should I handle this?

This girl who is helping me out is amazing. I only wish my wife had 1/4 of the interest in sex and pleasing.

35 male with 3 kids.

I have been a regular on here for a while and although nothing has improved I stick my head into work and prioritise my children.

I have give up on porn as it lacks connection and I have actually been feeling really good lately.

Problem is for some reason today / tonight I’m so massively horny and my member is stuck rock solid. The feeling just won’t go away.

I don’t feel like self pleasure and I’m trying to occupy my self but fuck me the naughty horny goblin has got me today. How do you cope with days like this. It’s literally starting to hurt 😩

Cheating with a sex worker or cheating with a hookup?

Im (33 M), a basic gym-goer who does moderate strength training. My wife (30 F) and I have been together three years. In that time I’ve never come before she orgasms — I’m not sure if that’s why she sometimes seems distant and doesn’t want sex all the time. She values emotional connection more than physical intimacy. We’ve discussed this many times and she says the same thing. How many men would want their partner to finish before them? I thought she didn’t understand how uncommon that is.
I want to have sex every day, but I get discouraged because my wife wants it maybe once a week, twice if I’m lucky. If we have sex three days in a row she’ll shut it down for a week. When she’s around I have constant sexual thoughts and feelings, even during normal cuddling. If sex can’t happen, I can’t sleep after cuddling, so I usually sleep on the opposite side of the bed. Not a day goes by without me touching her breasts or butt; she gets annoyed when I caress her breasts every day, although I never pressure her when she says no. This is frustrating because my sexual life isn’t the way I want it. What should I do?

Was it worth it? How did you go about it?

Male in his 30s thinking of doing the same. Even went as far as to plan an online affair.

Please don't give me advice about anything else. I've tried everything.

Hello- I am mid-60s who is still very interested in sex- stay in good shape- fit. We have been married 21 years and most of it without any steady, healthy, sexual relationship. It was ok at the very beginning, ok enough, I guess, but I saw some trouble signs. I'm an optimist at heart and thought it be ok. It has not been.

We've been to therapy, had many shouting conversations and many calm, measured ones too about what I'm missing. I rant, she's silent. Nothing works when the other person is not willing to try. I will concede that there is not much emotional intimacy left. That's probably both of our issues. Oddly, I don't feel rejected, I feel frustrated at being denied. Either way, the resentment causes distance.

We are roommates, and our emotional intimacy, if we had much, is gone too. I wake up every day resenting my situation and spend a lot of wasted time chasing some kind of reinforcement that I am desirable (I am).

Do we have the means to divorce- yes. We have enough money and kids are grown.

I could ramble but here's really what I want to say to anyone still reading: my first wife and I divorced when we were about 30- I barely remember what she looks like. She meant a lot to me then- deeply in love and the divorce was crushing- but it is water WAY under the bridge now.

If you are in your 20s, 30s, 40s, maybe even 50s, and are afraid to move on- clinging...I don't think in most cases it ever gets better. And what you're giving up, moving on from...may be just a distant memory some day.

My wife is the best person I have ever met but we are not compatible in many ways. Will I move on- probably not. Why? I don't want to hurt her or me- and inertia, maybe. Fear of change? Maybe. But at 67 it makes more sense than at 27 or 37 or 47.

I really believe in marriage, and don't want to try to influence anyone but, if you move on, you may very well "forget" the person who is causing you daily agony, especially if you are lucky enough to find someone who fills this void.

It's not just sex. It's physical contact like a man and woman should be- not a friend.

And then maybe, when you're my age, you will have turned your depressing situation into one that is much more joyous, fulfilling and complete and not live with this day to day sadness at losing out one of the most beautiful things God gives us- physical intimacy.

And for me, the no-win frustration of a spouse who is not interested in sex but also not willing to let me find it elsewhere- is a frustrating straight jacket- especially for someone who is eager to solve a problem (not ignore it) and proactive about pursuing what I want (not passive).

No kidding, it's a bad situation.

We were happy for the first 10 years, all was well, she was the light of my life, my moral compass and my best friend. Sex became less frequent before menopause, even less after, eventually down to 3 or four times per year. I bought her toys, encouraged dr visits, tried to talk about over and over and was met with indifference. After a while I became angry sullen and bitter. Still no effort on her part. Then I stopped trying, I gained weight, drank too much and fell deeper and deeper into depression. Then I met someone. She was happy, silly, funny as hell and sexy. At first we were just phone friends harmless texts and such inevitably it became much more. Racked with guilt my conscience wouldn't let me sleep, lost my appetite and tried to work things out with my wife. She promised change which amounted to being just slightly nicer to me. Bare minimum. No effort. So I came clean knowing full well the damage it would do. But also knowing if I stayed I would eventually end my suffering one way or another. So I broke her heart. This woman I love and adore,, this beautiful creature who always kept me close enough to kiss and hold hands, but never close enough to save our marriage. I don't blame her for what happed. I feel like in her heart if she wanted me to stay she would have made and effort. I truly feel she was hoping something like this would happen so she could relive her self of the burden that is me with a clear conscience. Congratulations honey. Just think all the money you will save.

Hello,

I was in a sexless marriage for 7+ years. I know what it’s like and I’m here to lend an ear and shoulder for those in similar situations who need advice or just an ear to listen. Don’t be shy to reach out. Talking with others def helps me. You don’t have to go through this alone! ❤️

We've been together for six years, and we're young (under 30). We're happy in our relationship, but I haven't been able to get my husband to climax during sex, only when he masturbates on his own. When I masturbate him, I can't get him to climax either.

He told me he likes it when I say “sexy things” to him during sex, that he likes soft dom, and that he likes it when I take the lead and tell him what to do. But when I do that, I feel like it’s not enough, and even though he likes it, it doesn’t seem like he’s absolutely loving it. I need him to be crazy about me, to want me, and for every word I say to make him moan... But it’s not working. He’s really embarrassed to talk about his “fetish,” so I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say to him, and it’s frustrating because I get the feeling that he wants to have less and less sex with me because I’m not giving him what he needs.

Is it okay to admit that you like watching when swinging? Is it okay as a husband and a man to admit you are submissive and likes to get dominated by other’s? Will that make me a good for nothing husband or make me a less as a man to admit I'm not alpha dom male. Because in real life I'm more of a normal guy but when it comes to bed it's different.

Hey everyone I(36) and my wife(34) have been married for now like almost 10 years, happily married and madly in love with each other. We recently had our swinging experience with another couple which went great than we expected and thanks to this lifestyle we both get to know each other’s desires and needs that we didn’t know before. I wasn’t someone dom in bed unlike most men.

I was the one who suggested about this lifestyle to my wife and in the beginning she wasn’t sure about it but after lots of discussion and communications over several months we both finally agreed to try.

We met a couple at a club and tried soft swap first like kissing, caressing thighs and breasts which went well because we thought soft swap would be enough but both the couple felt needed more so we took things to a hotel room

We both slowly swapped partners after getting started with some kisses and caresses.

The thing is after a point i realised i was getting more turned on and distracted by seeing my wife getting railed by another man.

I asked other person's wife to dominate me...which i never asked my wife before.

His wife happily did it...she kept edging me...and didn’t let me cum then she made me suck her finger, rode my face like her pleasure only matters. She then made me bend over and smacked my ass several times even smacked with her husband’s belt...which i really loved it.

Then she kicked me in the balls with her knee and made me kneel down to stick her finger into my mouth and fucked me....she then used her heels and pressed it against my cock and balls...it gave a painful pleasure and loved it...it was all new experiences.

She then made me watch her husband fucking the shit out of my wife...then pushed my face like under thag guys legs and balls to make me watch him balls deep into my wife's pussy. I could see his balls going so deep into my wife's pussy that close...my eyes and mouth were widened in awestruck.

Then i always wanted to try wearing woman outfit so i wore her panties and acted like a femboy. It was so thrilling on other side i could see my wife completely lost in the moment with the guy like she was screaming loudly like never before and letting the guy fuck her around all over the room and even saw her getting fucked up in the air position.

I was so happy knowing we both were enjoying each and every second of this moment.

After that, the woman made me sit on a chair before she joined my wife and her husband in bed. It was a wild threesome from there and they put a great show for me...i was so turned on and thrilled that they even forget that i was there.

My wife noticed how completely submissive i was, which she was surprised and liked seeing me in another woman’s panties.

I was happy to see her having multiple orgasms after orgasms. In the end we both hugged in tears like we are afraid to let go each other...our love was still there moreover it grow even more, the other couple looked at our emotional breakdown and said...you guys are so lucky to have each other.

Me and my wife went home next day and i openly talked about what i like...that all these years i was shy to open about it to her that i love being treated as a slave in sex and be a femboy in sex. She hugged me and told...no matter what she always will love me and encouraged me. I felt i was so happy and lucky to her at that moment.

I was afraid to show this side to my wide before because i didn’t want to feel like I'm less as a man that in sex I'm more of a feminine man.

She also admitted that she was afraid if i will be mad at her and was feeling guilty for enjoying more...i assured her i was so happy for her to finally getting her sexual needs and desires satisfied. I told her she deserves it as her husband...i might not able to give her some things and i don’t want her to not experience because of that. I want both of us to do things without holding back.We both kissed and agreed to take things together.

Is it okay to admit to people next time when we swing? will they look at me different after that ? Does guy like me who's a complete submissive type survive in swinging lifestyle?

will we get any swinging couple if we told in advance? What label they will give me...who is someone like to watch and get dominated, degraded in swinging sessions.

Also What all things i can do to get more involved and active when we swing with a couple? What should i tell other person's wife...like i want you to do like this ? Type of things a submissive person can get pleasure.

M 28 (myself) partner is F27. I’m a HL and she’s…I guess you can say LL (or possibly viewing sex as something not important?)

Been dating her the past year or so. We enjoy each other’s company and we’ve moved into the phase where we want to get married. The only issue is sex. Over the past few months, I feel more and more tired of asking her for sex. I feel like me asking for sex is a burden, to her and to my self esteem.

She always rejects it and says that she’s anxious, she’s got a lot of work to do, anxious about her family (has her location). She also says that she feels guilty rejecting me and she wants to do it too but she’s too tied up? We do have some intimacy like touching, making out but it’s not really doing it for me. I told her a few times and she tries initially to accomodate but life gets in the way and poof…the effort’s gone. I try to be straightforward with her when I’m in the mood but it’s instantly shut down.

She also makes me feel guilty. Always says “If you love me that much, wait for after we get married” or “If you love me, you’d understand my situation”. I do love her, but I’m just scared to tell her that it’s getting too much for me to bear.

I’m honestly just tearing up while I type this. Has anyone been in this situation? Should I stay in the hopes things get better after marriage?

Btw I earn well, decent looking (not ultra handsome) and doing well for myself.

Its been almost 8 years of us together and within the last year everything has just fallen apart. We have kids together and life right now is just awful. I'm extremely down on my luck when it comes to work and with the little bit of income coming in, trying to fix our issues just doesn't seem possible. I'm so frustrated and just wish i could fix our issues but she doesn't even hug or kiss me let alone anything further. This is just so miserable and idk how to fix.

I've been with her for over a decade now. Married. Worked on our problems and some things have changed. But not in line with Intimacy. It's the problem most of us face here in this thread. Real, Powerful, Loving, Intimacy. It's what makes us feel special. It is why we have families and live out our lives....

We just want the people we choose to be with to want to touch us and show us love through that physical contact. I can tell you it's what I crave more than anything in my miserable life for the last 7 years I haven't had that. To be so disconnected with the person whom is my best friend. Who I still laugh with and take care of.

I love her more than my own happiness and I've accepted that I will Gamble my life to the hope that she will one day give me that. I know she's genuine. I know she does love me. Being on this path we've suffered for 7 years now with no Intimacy. What that does to a person should be considered Trauma. I feel changed and not the same person I once was. I've given up my resentment and anger. I've had thoughts of ending my existence. I've told her I'm putting all my hope into her. And I just hope I'm not wrong....

Lastly, the only thing I want in life is to be a father. I want a family of my own. I'm an only child so it makes it more difficult because my family line ends with me and I don't want it to. But I'm running out of time....

Thanks for listening to my vent. I hope we all can find intimacy with our loved ones one day. Everyone deserves happiness.