u/Adept-Part-6190

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Today was my twentieth birthday.

Before the war, I used to work hard in my studies and focus on building my future. I had dreams I wanted to achieve by this age. I imagined a completely different life for myself — one filled with goals, education, and hope.

But unfortunately, everything turned out differently from what I imagined.

Today passed like any other difficult day.

No celebration, no feeling of joy, no sense that this day was special.

Instead, I spent it the same way we spend most of our days now: searching for water, thinking about food, and trying to get through another exhausting day.

These are things we never imagined would become the center of our lives.

Sometimes I think about how much war can change a person’s life in such a short time. Not only by destroying homes, but by taking away years, dreams, peace, and the normal life we were supposed to live.

I turned 20 today, but instead of feeling excited for the future, I feel like life stopped somewhere behind me.

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I tried many times to find a scholarship that could help me continue my education and build a future for myself.

I was not asking for something impossible. I was only searching for a basic opportunity that should be a simple human right: to study, to learn, and to try to build a better life for myself and my family.

But unfortunately, living in Gaza makes even the simplest rights feel like distant dreams.

Sometimes I feel like we have been left alone to face everything difficult by ourselves.

The war did not only take our homes and stability, it also took away opportunities, dreams, and the future we were trying to reach.

Every time I try to hold onto hope, reality feels heavier than I can handle.

And yet, I still keep trying, because education is not a luxury for me — it is the only path I have toward a better future.

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What saddens me the most is feeling stuck in the same place in life, without any progress or achievements that feel right for my age.

Sometimes I look at people my age and see them studying, planning their futures, and living normal lives… while here, we are living a completely different reality forced on us by war.

Our days have become centered around very basic things:

filling water containers, searching for something to eat, and trying to survive another day with as little emotional exhaustion as possible.

Even simple dreams have been postponed.

I don’t feel like I’m living my real life anymore. It feels as if life stopped for us at a certain moment, and since then we have only been trying to survive.

The war did not only take our homes.

It also took away our sense of a normal life, and the years we were supposed to spend building ourselves and our future.

Sometimes all I want is to feel that my life is moving forward like any normal person’s life.

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Since this morning, there have been two strikes.

Children were killed inside a tent.

Another strike targeted a gathering of civilians.

I don’t understand how this continues to happen.

People who have nowhere to go, already living in tents, are still being targeted.

It’s hard to find words for this.

The fear, the anger, and the helplessness are overwhelming.

How is this still happening?

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Many people believe that our suffering has ended.

But the reality is completely different.

Sadly, we are still suffering — and it is getting worse day after day.

Time passes, but nothing improves.

The same pain, the same fear, and the same struggle just to meet the most basic needs.

From the outside, things may look calmer,

but from the inside, we are still living the same suffering — maybe even worse.

What hurts the most is the feeling that no one sees us anymore.

As if what we are going through is no longer visible, or no longer important.

We have not recovered.

We are just trying to keep going, despite everything.

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I feel like life has exhausted me at a young age, before I was ready for any of this.

I can’t sleep well anymore.

Every night is filled with thoughts… I think about my family, my mother, my siblings, and our future, which feels so uncertain.

I try to appear strong in front of them, but inside, I am deeply tired.

Tired of thinking, of worrying, of feeling that nothing in our lives is stable.

I never imagined I would reach a point where my biggest concern is:

How will we live? Where will we go? What will happen to us tomorrow?

At this age, I was supposed to be thinking about my own future, my education, my life ahead…

But now, all I think about is how to protect my family and how we can keep going.

Sometimes, all I need is one quiet night… without thinking, without fear.

But even that has become difficult.