AITA for snapping at my long distance BF for not making me a priority on our first vacation from not seeing each other in over 4 months ?
I (38F) and my bf (44 M) are in a 7 month long distance relationship. We matched on a dating website back in January while he was home for the season. We talked for weeks before going on a date. It went well and I was head over heels for him. The next day he had to fly out across the country for 10 months. He builds roads for a national union and he gets sent to all parts of the country. I was not aware at first his job site was far away. After some careful thinking that night I decided to try a long distance relationship. We speak everyday and FaceTime. We found out they were giving his crew the week off for July 4th. Which will be 4 month mark since he left. We made plans for each day and I requested pto for that week. We even had some spicy plans wink wink. Here is where I need advice or opinion if I am wrong.
He finally landed and none of our plans were followed through. He just kept going to his family’a house to work on his cars, and do errands. Asked if I wanted to tag along but said he doesn’t advise it because he thinks I’ll be bored. Barely touches me and no spicy sleep. Second to last day he wanted to drive to a different state to get his car painted and stay there for the night. I snapped. I asked him why make me use my limited pto if we were not going to follow plans or give me his undivided attention. It’s not easy having a long distance and wanted this time to soak him up so I can last another 5 months until he is home. He got upset but stayed silent. Then canceled his plans and took me out to eat. We finally had spicy sleep. And he left the next day. We continued to talk everyday and it went back to normal.
Apparently, saying those exact 3 sentences left a mark on him. Today I asked him what are the plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If he needs to spend time with family or want to celebrate those holidays. My job is making us file our time off requests now in October for those holidays. His response was….“ I don’t have any plans, I just cook a nice meal and relax at home. I will never ever ask you to take time off work again so that will be up to you.” My response …” okay so that means we can never plan a trip or vacation then is what you are saying ?” His response again” oh we can plan but it will be up to you to request off. I won’t ask. “.
I said have a goodnight and now I’m typing on here.
I don’t know how to feel about this and before I get upset I would like some unbiased opinions. Was I that much of a jerk for getting upset and saying I wouldn’t have used my pto if I wasn’t going to have your undivided attention ? Now he is scared to ever ask me to take off of work. Or maybe he still doesn’t see my point of view? He will only be home from Thanksgiving up until the first week of February. I would like to make a plan to go on a week trip. And then the other days he is home he can do as he pleases. The very least plan a full day where we have quality time and make up for lost time. I want to be understanding and compromise but I’m completely dumbfounded at the moment.