u/Admirable-Crew4977

Hi, please don’t judge I need help
I experienced severe religious force and threats.
I used to be very religious but i slowly became less practicing after the bad things.
I have been going through this for 8 years.
Now I get really hateful thoughts and opinions about everything religious, and my brain is associating my bad experiences with the religion
Even if I try to convince myself it has nothing to do with religion, it doesn’t help my resentment towards everything.
I’m so scared of leaving the religion soon
This is a call out for help
No amount of therapy is helping with this
Because I’m still forced so how can i recover?
Please be kind I don’t have the energy to deal with mean comments..

Everytime I pray my brain goes completely elsewhere, all kinds of thoughts appear and zero غشوع like absolutely zero. I feel absolutely nothing when I pray. And I mostly pray out of fear of punishment not because of high iman. I have been praying like this for years, I can’t help but feel like it will be less likely for my prayers to be accepted like this.
I have ADHD and it’s making this worse.
Why am I becoming a worst Muslim every year? It’s absolutely terrifying to witness,
The only thing I do as a Muslim is pray and fast, other than that my life is full of sins I won’t expose.
Thanks for reading..