FA Advice (Dismissive Leaning Only)
I’m FA (leaning anxious) my bf is FA (leaning dismissive), and we’re both in our 40’s. We are going to be apart for the next 60 days or so, but still able to communicate. Our anxiety manifests in different ways; mine is to freak out about little details which comes across like control, while his is to push away and wait for the other shoe to drop. However, both of us have admitted that we’re afraid of getting hurt.
FA’s who lean dismissive, do you ruminate, also? I’ve sent a few texts providing reassurance that I’m not going anywhere. I realize that old habits die hard and it’s easy to have a distraction in the meantime, but I am doing everything possible to not mess this one up. Despite the ups and downs, I think I’ve found a really great partner, if he would only believe it outside of his self-doubt.
Does anyone have any suggestions how to navigate this? I want to be respectful of his need for space, but don’t want to give too much where it becomes empty chatter, or he thinks I’ve started to move on, which will trigger hyper-vigilance on both sides. He’s conditioned for the chaos more than I am, but I know how that works out based on my own failed relationships (being both dismissive and anxious depending on the partner).