Am I taking it too personally for feeling hurt that my best friend left me out of a night out, even though she knows I’m lonely in a new city?
I (29F) really need some outside perspective because I’m just very confused right now and wondering if I’m taking this too personally.
I moved to a new city about a month ago from my hometown. My best friend of a year and a half, Chloe (26F), already lives here, and she's basically the only person I know. Before I moved, we were long-distance best friends. I would come visit her all the time, we’d spend days at a time with each other, and we always had the best time. The vibe before my move was that we’d have nights out, she’d introduce me to people, and help me adjust. I’ve been really open with her about feeling homesick and lonely lately.
Three weeks ago, we went out with Chloe’s local best friend "Sam" and a couple of other people. I had actually met Sam a few times before this night too, and I thought we got along totally fine. But at one point in the night, they literally left me standing by myself at the bar for a while. I was drunk, feeling incredibly overwhelmed in a brand-new city, and ended up having to find a random table to sit at alone. Because of that, I got a little snappy and expressed that I was annoyed/upset. I felt bad about my reaction later, so I actually apologized to both of them afterward for letting my frustration get the best of me. Things have felt a little awkward since then.
Chloe and Sam are very close since they also work together, and lately I’ve noticed this weird vibe, like it’s a competition of who is closer to Chloe, which is honestly exhausting at our big age.
Cut to a week after the bar incident. We all go out again, and this is the night they introduce me to two of Sam's friends. I had a great time, the vibe was totally fine, and everything seemed good. But since then, I feel like I’m being completely avoided. Last weekend, Chloe was "too busy" hanging out with Sam.
Fast forward to last night. I was sitting at home with zero plans and Chloe knew it. I texted her to see what she was doing, and she told me she was going to a club with Sam and "two of Sam's school friends." She made it sound like people I just wouldn't know. No invite for me. I tried to rationalize it, thinking it’s fine, they don't need to invite me to everything, even though going to a bar is a super casual plan that doesn't need to be booked in advance.
Well, I woke up this morning, checked Instagram, and saw their stories. To be honest, it really hurt. The "school friends" they were out with were those exact two girls they introduced me to two weeks ago that I had a great time with.
I want to be clear: I am NOT a clinger. I completely understand people can hang out without me. But knowing your best friend is struggling, alone in a new city with no plans, and actively choosing to go to a public club with people we both just hung out with, while disguising who they were going out with, feels so exclusive and punitive.
We actually had tentative plans to see a movie tomorrow and go to brunch on Monday before I leave for a big work trip in three days. But honestly, my energy is completely drained. I am thinking of pretending i’m sick because I lowkey am a little hurt to kind of avoid her right now. I work from home, so I am already alone a lot of the time, and it would be nice to actually hang out with my best friend instead of isolating further.
Moving forward, I think I’m just going to try to distance myself a bit and focus on my own circle. I have a few people here I’ve worked with as clients that I might try to reach out to and hang out with, some old university friends in the area, and some friends from home who might come visit me soon.
I know people in the comments might tell me to just confront her, but I don't want to bring it up right now because I know it will just draw more awkward attention to it, and I don't want to give off "you can't have fun without me" vibes. But I also know if I see her this weekend, I won't be able to hide it and I'll end up bringing it up anyway. It’s all just made me very in my head about if I’m even liked by Sam. It’s hard because Chloe isn’t the type of person to bring up issues in the first place. For example, I know she would avoid friends if she was upset because I’ve seen her do it before.
Is it passive-aggressive of me to just protect my peace and distance myself right now? In my opinion, my absence clearly isn't missed by her anyway. Am I completely overreacting here? If I bring it up, I truly am unsure if it’d add fuel to whatever fire there may be on their side.