u/AdmirableSwordfish74

So sometimes I suddenly become super aware? I’m pretty sure there’s a specific word for it, but basically it’s similar to when you look into a mirror and realise that it’s you. Like you know it’s you, but you’re really looking at YOU. It’s hard to explain. It’s sudden, you become a foreigner in your own body, but not at the same time. Also I don’t want to confuse this kind of feeling with the feelings you get when you don’t like your body. Or “wish you had a different body” no.

It’s more unsettling and strange like my soul just realised it’s wearing skin.

Idk I lwk might just be going crazy lol

It’s probably because of my period that i’m even more emotional about this but my cousin and I were talking. We usually drink and talk about future plans but once we start getting tipsy we go deep and we start talking about our trauma and past experiences.

I’m no stranger to the secrets in my family. None of us are, her father is weird. He’s done things to his girls since kids till now.My father isnt exactly innocent either but he hasnt done anything since I was like 12 so I don’t think about it.

Anyways since that talk I’ve been thinking about how fucked up shit is. We kept talking and then she mentioned her dad would never be able to do time because no one would side with her. Not even her other sisters who have been literally assaulted in their sleep.

and yk what the worst part is? Is that I understand why her sisters won’t say anything. It’s because it’s their “dad” and family would never do that.

I’ve been crying all week because I keep thinking about it. I’ve been through my fair share of bad things too and sa including incest is really common for my people it’s just always ends up as water under the bridge.

I’ve seen this one too many times, even when you try to speak up they’ll shut you down and blame you. Always happens to blame the victim, it disgusts me, it’s so foul that it makes me wanna puke out my insides and peel my skin off.

I hate it all. I hate everyone and I wish I was never born. I know it’ll all pass rn, but I just fucking hate that I can’t do anything . All I can possibly do is be there and listen. I’m upset and hate that there are thousands, millions of victims out there going through the same thing and can’t do anything. Most will take it to the grave. Some will even dig themselves an early grave if they can’t handle it. It’s just awful.