I don’t even know how to begin writing. I’m exhausted and sad. The more my son grows the harder things seem to get. We are now at a point that sometimes he answers yes/no questions or can ask for some stuff and new words/phrases are coming almost weekly at this point. This is something I have been waiting for soooo long. The prospect that we could someday be having a real conversation doesn’t seem so impossible anymore. Then there’s the but.
He gets stuck on things all the time. Especially when we have something fun planned. He will repeat the fun thing again and again (for example ”grandma’s house”). It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him or show him his calendar (pictures of current weeks schedule) he just repeats it and wants to leave right then and there. The situation escalates always to a violent meltdown. Even when it doesn’t it’s driving me nuts when someone for hours on end is just repeating ”grandma’s house” or something else.
I know it’s because of his autism, I know it’s not right to get frustrated with him. I still sometimes do. And hate myself for it. Not to mention all the other challenges we have. I’m a single mom and his dad has never been in the picture, so there’s no one in our daily lifes who could even help with the workload. Or even just give me a break when I can feel myself getting overstimulated.
I just needed to vent a little. Sometimes I just wish I could just wish the autism away even though I love him just the way he is. I wish we could just spontaniously walk to a store and get icecream or see friends without him getting overstimulated or trying to runaway. There are so many small things that other parents take for granted.